Toot quotes from Drawn Together

[as Xandir's father] Mary Lou?

[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Hey, Xandir's dad. What happened to your eye?

[as Xandir's father] Nothing, nothing. What are you doing in this hour? It's getting dark.

[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Play practice went a little late.

[as Xandir's father] Hop in, I'll give you a ride home. You like Starship?

[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Who doesn't?

[as Xandir's father] Heater's broke, but it's warm over here. You can slide over nice and close. Mary Lou, I don't know why my boy ever broke up with you. You sure are a pretty little thing.

[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Why, thank you, Xandir's Dad.

[as Xandir's father] Now I know you've been with lots of boys, but have you ever been with a man?

[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"; She sucks Toot's thumb, moans]

[as Xandir's father] Ohhh, yeah...you like my thumb, don't you, bitch? Well, let me show you something almost as big.

Hey, Xandir, I just got this new wind-up duckie! Its feet actually paddle through the water!

Xandir

Let's try it out in the bathtub! [they run up to the bathroom to find Toot about to put a toaster in the water] Why are you killing yourself this time, Toot?

It's my birthday and no one remembered. I'm fat, old, ugly, and everyone hates me!

Hmmm...maybe people hate you because you won't get out their bathtubs when they want to play with their duckies!

Xandir

Hey, Hero, I was thinking, we should throw Toot a surprise birthday.

If we're all gonna shout out what we're thinking, I'VE been thinking about paying a prostitute to shove bowling pins up my ass!

What are you so happy about? Have you seen how fat you are?

Oh, Clara. You're just jealous cause all my dreams have come true.

You're never going to be happy until you have a dream that has depth and importance. Like having beautiful hair like mine.

[screams] WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME!?

Spanky

Clara, you don't look so good. Have you put on weight?

No, Toot stole my beautiful, beautiful hair!

I didn't steal it, I just woke up with your hair attractively stapled to my scalp.

I'm gonna have those Jew producers throw you out of this house forever!

I thought we were going to be caged up until we died, like those stupid chickens!

Ling-Ling

The chickens! We must go back and save them!

Screw that! I'm gonna watch my OWN back from now on! If only I could watch my own feet! [Moves her boobs around, but is unable to see her feet]

Ling-Ling

We must turn back now and save the chickens, for they are Ling-Ling's brothers. But if you only care about yourself, then fine, go.

Later, asshole! Meep-meep! [takes off in "Road-Runner" style, but only gets a couple feet, falling flat on her chest and gasping and panting heavily; a vulture then flies in and lands on her butt]

Jesus, how long has this thing been dead?!

Wait, I'll go get Clara.

Clara? I'm sick of that Bible-thumping bitch. And besides, what's the fun of a group activity when you can't exclude somebody?

You can say that again.

Shut up, Excludie! Get back in your box!

Aww... [walks off and goes back into his box]

Get out, Excludie! We don't want you!

Aww... [walks off]

Fine, if we must, we must. But before we eat Ling-Ling, let's take a moment to remember the good times.

I’ll always remember our trip to Paris... [The housemates are all seen together in Paris] Guys, this trip has really bringed us together.

Ling-Ling

Yes, Ling-Ling comfortable enough to share greatest fear. No matter what happen, please, no eat Ling-Ling.

And remember when we all got fucking wasted on the roof? [Next the housemates are sitting on the roof looking at the stars] Oh look, a shooting star!

Ling-Ling

Ling-Ling only wish is for roommates not to eat his body when he die.

Oh, and remember that time when Ling-Ling learnt to speak English?

Ling-Ling

[Speaking in English] What's wrong with you people?! Why don't you listen to me? Ling-Ling religion very specific. If body even so dead, he should not be eaten!

Spanky

Well, guys, let's dig in. [Hands out chopsticks] It’s what Ling-Ling would’ve wanted.

Is this where the auditions are?

Don't be shy, come in. I'm Frankenberry, the president of the cereal empire. This is Tony Tiger, and of course, you know Violent Retard from Violent Retard Flakes.

There isn't any cereal called Violent Retard Flakes.

You tell him.

Hey, you cereal mascot dickbag! Toot Braunstein is gonna destroy you and the entire cereal empire with these special UPC codes!

Spanky

There's nothing special about UPC Codes. Why, they're everywhere! And have been since 1971. First suggested by Wallace Flint in 1922, the Uniform Product Code or "UPC" was developed–[an annoyed Captain Hero hits him on the head] I like to pee on things!

What the hell is wrong with you, Toot?! Can't you see I'm bangin' Astro?

Ri rain't Rastro, ritch!

Jesus, Foxxy, you're such a whore! You've had more infected wangs in you than a Shanghai hospital!

Roh ro you ridn't!

You just jealous because you couldn't get screwed at a convention of Jewish insurance salesmen!

Rou rid rot rust ro there!

Toot, you suck, yet you keep returning. How do you explain this phenomenon?

Well, how do you explain your fugly face!?

I was burned in a horrible accident. It's quite sad, really.

One house to hold us all.

Eight different cartoon characters.

Letting it all hang out.

In front of one million cameras.

We're Drawn Together!

Yeah!