Bob the Cucumber quotes from Drawn Together

God is watching everything you do.

When you get undressed or take a shower.

Larry the Tomato

When you touch yourself for hour after hour.

God is watching everything you do. And he thinks you're a nasty naughty nympho slut. You sinful filthy whore, you're going to hell. Your flesh will burn. Your bones will churn. Your soul will be torn asunder.

You wretched heathen heretic. Burn in Hell!

Larry the Tomato

For eternity!

So you'd better remember.

God is watching everything you do.

Larry the Tomato

I'm sorry for thinking impure thoughts. [whips himself]

I'm sorry for being so phallic. [whips himself]

I'm sorry for buying child slaves from third world countries. [whips herself]

Free! [drops his feather duster]

[to the Chinese boy] I said "I'm sorry", not "stop dusting!"

I'm sorry I masturbated! [whips himself] And I'm sorry I helped people! [whips himself again] And I'm sorry I spied on Clara going potty every morning!

What? That's disgusting!

You're one to talk, Princess Smell-Your-Wipes. [Clara whips him]

Clara, stop! You mustn't use one of those. God forbids it!

Goddamn it, what's the point of having a secret deep programming room if everybody know where it is?

Clara, please put the clum baby down.

Spanky

But she's dying! She needs it!

I don't know what to do. I have the consumption.

Larry the Tomato

Then god wants you to have the consumption.

That's just retarded. What if God created clum babies because he wants Clara to live?

Larry the Tomato

But the bible says...

Spanky

Yeah, yeah, the bible says a lot of things...and not very clearly.

We ain't sayin' your interpretation is wrong, but perhaps the bible isn't a set of strict rules, but rather a guide to help each of us to find our personal relationship with the Lord.

I never thought of it that way.

Larry the Tomato

I guess that is possible.

[suddenly furious] ENOUGH FUCKING TALK! IN THE NAME OF GOD, PUT THE FUCKING CLUM BABY DOWN!

But, but...

Eh! But... but...but!

Jesus!

Larry the Tomato

This wasn't part of the plan! We agreed nobody would get hurt!

Spanky

Holy shit! Bob the Cucumber has gone crazy!

Is this crazy?

Spanky

No, please!

Please don't kill me! I don't want to die!

Don't be scared, Wooldoor. I saved them all from going to hell, and now I will save your soul too!

Oh... eh eh-eh-eh-eh!

Aah! Get off me! Get off me! I'm cured. The clum babies have cured me of my psychosis. I no longer cling to the comforting belief in an all-knowing power. Oh, dear. Did I do this? What have I done?! I thought I was doing god's work! No! No! I'm a monster. I can't live with this. [Gunshot]