Ling-Ling quotes from Drawn Together

Ling-Ling

[In confessional] Ling-Ling so want visit from father. He great warrior/dry cleaner. He coined classic phrase, "No ticky, no washy."

What happens in fairy tales after the princess has her first kiss? Hmm?

She runs away with a sexy one-eyed pirate who loves as fiercely as he lives.

Not that fairy tale, food-for-brains! The other one!

Let's see. They live happily ever after in a castle with a couple of...kids! Oh my God, I am pregnant!

Ling-Ling

[in Japanese gibberish] Oh my God, the sink's full of dirty dishes again.

The considerable alternative is anorexia. All the benefits of bulimia with none of the mess.

Does it really work?

Xandir

Of course it works! All you have to do is make sure to look in the mirror every day and see yourself as ugly and obese, no matter how much weight you lose.

Ling-Ling

Then everyone's happy.

You now found the treasure firmly in your hand, but then you woke up.

And it had turned to sand and now you have to face the facts.

Spanky

It's a huge shit sandwich.

Xandir

And you have to take a bite.

Ling-Ling

It's a huge shit sandwich.

And you got to take a big old steamin' bite.

Of the shit sandwich.

Xandir

You dreamed of A-list parties.

A talk show on late night.

But those dreams burned up like a concert with Great White.

Xandir

And you're like a club owner without insurance.

It's a huge shit sandwich.

Ling-Ling

And you have to take a bite.

It's a huge shit sandwich.

And you have to take a

Big old steamin' bite

Of the shit sandwich.

[In confessional] The producers told us that we must start a business of our choosing. I wanted to have a bake sale, but the stereotypes had other ideas.

Xandir

Let's open a hair salon!

Ooh, we could shine shoes!

Ling Ling

I say full-release massage parlor that serves wok-fried puppies!

LET'S EAT POTATO SALAD!!!

[In confessional] Finally we all agreed...

A suicide hotline!

Suicide hotline? Who the hell came up with that?

(in confessional) Goddamned white producers with their goddamned white flashes. They can edit us to make us say whatever they want. My taint is made out of bacon. STOP IT! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, my taint. 100% pure bacon.

Ling-Ling

Father, why? You have so much to live for.

Oh, nothing bling me joy. I too old to battle, and my cataract make karaoke impossible.

I thought we were going to be caged up until we died, like those stupid chickens!

Ling-Ling

The chickens! We must go back and save them!

Screw that! I'm gonna watch my OWN back from now on! If only I could watch my own feet! [Moves her boobs around, but is unable to see her feet]

Ling-Ling

We must turn back now and save the chickens, for they are Ling-Ling's brothers. But if you only care about yourself, then fine, go.

Later, asshole! Meep-meep! [takes off in "Road-Runner" style, but only gets a couple feet, falling flat on her chest and gasping and panting heavily; a vulture then flies in and lands on her butt]

Jesus, how long has this thing been dead?!

Fine, if we must, we must. But before we eat Ling-Ling, let's take a moment to remember the good times.

I’ll always remember our trip to Paris... [The housemates are all seen together in Paris] Guys, this trip has really bringed us together.

Ling-Ling

Yes, Ling-Ling comfortable enough to share greatest fear. No matter what happen, please, no eat Ling-Ling.

And remember when we all got fucking wasted on the roof? [Next the housemates are sitting on the roof looking at the stars] Oh look, a shooting star!

Ling-Ling

Ling-Ling only wish is for roommates not to eat his body when he die.

Oh, and remember that time when Ling-Ling learnt to speak English?

Ling-Ling

[Speaking in English] What's wrong with you people?! Why don't you listen to me? Ling-Ling religion very specific. If body even so dead, he should not be eaten!

Spanky

Well, guys, let's dig in. [Hands out chopsticks] It’s what Ling-Ling would’ve wanted.

Ling Ling

What was Ling Ling thinking?! Battle monster not meant to dance!

Or is he?

Ling Ling

Gash! What are you doing here?

I came to see you dance.

Ling Ling

But you said Ling Ling could never be a dancer.

I was just jealous. I, too, always wanted to be a dancer as well, also, but I didn't have the talent, so I tortured you relentlessly until you became a sociopathic killer, crushing all your dreams. My bad.

One house to hold us all.

Eight different cartoon characters.

Letting it all hang out.

In front of one million cameras.

We're Drawn Together!

Yeah!