Drake & Josh · 289 quotes
Craig[pops up from the dumpster] Hello.
[screams] Craig?
CraigAre you alone?
Yeah, I'm alone.
CraigGood. [holds out a bag of pork rinds] Pork rind?
Sure. [takes a pork rind from the bag and starts eating it] So you're the one that sent the blimp?
CraigThat's right.
[concerned] Why would you wanna take down Eric? He's your best friend.
CraigWAS my best friend. Now that Eric's Mr. Popular pants and has a hot girlfriend, he doesn't give a rat's hat about me.
Rat's hat?
Craig[furious] He's forgotten that I am the one who's been his best friend since we were 7 years old. That I'm the one who dried his tears when his iguana got diabetes. That I--
[He interrupts Craig] Okay, Okay, I get it, get it, get it. Just tell me how to stop him.
CraigOk, but first you have to promise me something.
What?
CraigI love to sing.
[confused, steps aside] And?
CraigAnd you're like a professional singer.
[still confused] You wanna sing a song with me?
CraigI've wanted this for a long time.
Ok, ok, if you help me prove Eric's a liar, you can sing a song with me.
CraigExcellent. Now, listen carefully. Eric, is a pacifist.
I thought he was Jewish.
CraigA pacifist is someone who refuses to fight.
Okay...
CraigSo, if you insult Eric in front of a bunch of people, he won't fight back, and then everyone will know he was lying about standing up to you.
Uh-huh.
CraigAnd then he won't be popular anymore which means he'll come crawling back to me. And don't forget our song.
I won't forget the song.
CraigGood, I'll start practicing.
[Drake walks away while Craig starts singing in the dumpster behind the school's cafeteria]
