Douglas Doug Funnie quotes from Doug

"My name's Doug. I guess I didn't catch yours."

Roger

"That's because I didn't throw it!"

"Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwish, four large fries and four grape sodas."

"What on Earth are you trying to say?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't understand you."

"Listen, my family is starving...."

Skeeter

"Yo, man, let me take care of this. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no qukes, one no stinkers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Want anything else?"

"Well, how do you order a salad from the salad bar?"

Skeeter

"One salad from the salad bar."

Skeeter

"Wow, I've never seen a vegetarian dog before!"

"It's just a phase."

"Dad, can you try to dodge the bumps? I'm getting ink blots on my journal."

"That's a big ten-four, buddy!"

[flustered while trying to explain his science fair project to Patti] Well... uh... uh... the reason the lava keeps shooting up into the air is... because I... love you.

Patti

Huh??

I mean... above you. The sparks go above you.

Now, class, does anyone know what the Sixth Article of the Constitution says? ... Patti?

Patti

The Sixth Article of the Constitution states the courts shall have the power to punish anyone who covers the science lab with molten lava.

And do we know anyone like that?

[turning and pointing in unison at Doug, who is crouched at the side of his desk] IT'S HIM!

[jumping on top of his desk and putting a rose in his mouth] You'll never get... wa na na... Jack Bandit! [swings across classroom on a rope, and before escaping out the window, tosses his rose to Patti, who catches it]

Patti

[dreamily] What a guy!

[through megaphone] Funnie! This is goin' on your permanent record!

Patti

Jack! You've got to escape!

[rolling out of policeman's arms] So long, suckers!!!

[narrating] It seemed as if my only chance was to go on the lam.

Well, excuse me, sir. But, You've just broken one of your own rules: "No grabbing other people's comics".

Patti

And according to your own rule book, the punishment is one Saturday Detention.

But, I can't stay here. I have a yodeling class.

It's a rule, Mr. Bone.

But it's a silly and pointless rule.

Patti

But that's what we've been telling you, Mr. Bone.

I don't want to miss my yodeling lesson.

Mr. Bone, may I suggest a new rule?

Not another rule.

Just one more... Rule Number 1,900,003: "No more Saturday Detentions".

Effective immediately?

Well, it's up to you, Mr. Bone.

Well, I say... last one out's a rotten egg!

[looking at Patti's painting] Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees...

Patti

Huh??

...Or you can leave the trees off if you want. It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is.

Patti

I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug. It's my grandmother!

Huh? [examines painting more closely and notices the peak of the mountain is actually an old woman's head] Well, of course. Heh heh. Just a little... art joke, Patti.

Mr. Bone, I promise I had nothing to do with that story! I didn't even know you wore pink underwear.

I DON'T! And you know what, Funnie? You're gonna write that on the blackboard five thousand times!

That'll take me forever.

Roger

[about to climb ladder to the window] It is the sun! And... and... Judy is the East!

Psst! Roger... Roger!

Roger

[climbing ladder] It is my lady! O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were! Won't you come to the window, my love?

Nice try, Romeo. But you're about thirty years too late.

Our house is over there, Roger.

Roger

Hey, uh, Funnie.

Yeah?

Roger

I'm-I'm counting on you.

Stinky is a girl? Roger, why didn't you tell me?

Roger

Well, how was I supposed to know?

Son, we're way past due for a very important talk.

[hands Patti a doorknob] It's for you. It's just something I thought would help you remember-

Patti

The Pattersons?

The Pattersons, what?

Patti

It's the Pattersons' door knocker. They were our next door neighbors.

Boy, I can't even get the right door knocker.

Patti

No Doug. I'd like to keep it, if that's okay with you.

To remind you of how dumb I am?

Patti

No... to remind me of how sweet you are.

Huh?

Why if everybody thought of what they say, well, everything will be all higgledy piggledy. Isn't that right, Funnie?

Yes, sir. All higgledy piggledy.