Douglas Doug Funnie quotes from Doug

Patti

Boy, you guys should've told me earlier.

I know. I was embarrassed, I guess.

Patti

I could've given you another one to play with.

[shocked] Another one?

Patti

Sure. My dad gets these free from work. Here, take a whole box of them.

Listen, was tonight supposed to be a...whatever?

Patti

I don't know. Are you saying it was a...you know?

No, I don't think it was necessarily a...whatever. Unless you think it was a...you know.

Patti

Me neither.

I can't believe everyone thought it was.

Did you see their faces?

Skeeter

Yeah man, I don't think I've ever seen them run so fast.

And we couldn't have done it without you, sir.

Dad, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about Beebe's boat. It doesn't matter to me how much you spend on presents.

You mean you kids don't care about being rich?

Well I wouldn't go that far.

What I really want for my birthday is...is you. [they all embrace] And maybe a football.

[narrating] Dear journal, funny how on the best holiday, The worst thing that could happen, happened. The trouble started a couple of days before Christmas.

[shoos Porkchop to get him out of her way] Go away, porkchop, I'm busy! [rushes to get pinecone from Thin ice but was accidentally bitten when Porkchop tries to get her away from thin ice, yells in pain] Ow! My leg! Somebody help!

[runs to Beebe]

[points to Porkchop] I saw the whole thing.

[gasping to see Porkchop accidentally bit Porkchop]

[comforts Beebe] You poor thing.

[sees Beebe got bitten and was bleeding] What happened?

[angrily points at Porkchop] Porkchop attacked beebe.

[shocked] What? Porkchop. He what?!

Patti

Beebe, are you okay?

My leg! [moaning in pain]

[points to Porkchop] I saw the whole thing! He came up behind her and bit her.

[gets ticked and angrily screams at Porkchop] Porkchop, bad dog!

[whimpers]

[angrily scolds Porkchop for biting Beebe] Porkchop, how could you do that? You never did anything like this before. You don't bite people! Even if it is Beebe.

[barking about what happened]

[furiously screams at Porkchop] Quit clowning around, Porkchop! This is serious. [angrily sends Porkchop to his doghouse] You go in your Igloo and think about what you did.

[tearfully whimpers and sadly enters his doghouse]

[drives to the house] Doug! Come on, we're going to be late! Come on, Dougie. Only two more Christmas shopping hours Until mom gets home. Honestly, Doug, you're slower than Christmas.

When you're about to go someplace new, it can be kind of scary. You kind of want someone older and mature to tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I found out today that older, more mature person was... me.

Patti

Hey Doug! Catch up! We're all going to the Honker Burger to celebrate!

Hopping Whopping Wieners turned out to be a stinky idea, so we bailed and went to Beebe's house.

Don't you remember when you were two? You cancelled it because of a dirty diaper, and then five the infamous trike, episode 6, the clown. Seventh, pony. Eight, Grandma Opal, ninth---

Okay, okay, you made your point!

[pissed off] DOUGLAS!!!

[takes the Shakespeare book] Let go, boy.

Huh? [sees the Shakespear book destroyed, gasps and got pissed off] Do you know what this is, You stupid Curr?! A Shakespeare first Poem was at the museum! (to the puppy angrily) Let go!

[eats the paper and swallows it which pisses Judy off]

[shrieking] He ate Shakespear! I'm having a heart attack. [furiously turns red with anger and angrily grabs Doug by the shirt] YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THAT BEAST!!!

I can't watch it all the time. When do I get to have fun?

I don't care! He's your responsibility!

Mr. Bone?! But we left him back in Elementary school.

Skeeter

Bone?! Again?!

Roger

Oh, this is a bad dream. Somebody pinch me! [his friends pinch him] Ow, hey, cut it out!

Playtime's over, people! The bone... is back!