You're President of the abstinence club!
Well, I wasn't planning on running for a second term.
S1Impossible
Well, I'm adorable crazy. And he's rampage crazy.
We're WASPs, denying the white elephant in the room is what we do best.
Would this have to do with the condom you left in my room? 'Cause that wasn't mine...
You suck, you know that.
S1The Ladies who Lunch
So, what are we looking for, exactly? An embroidered pillow that says "I killed Martha Huber"?
I was just about to give a Maisy Gibbons update.
Guys, we should be ashamed of ourselves for reveling in that woman's misery. That being said, Edie, please continue.
My necklace! Oh, you know, I lent this to Martha three months ago, and she said that it went down the drain. Oh, I miss how we used to steal things from one another.
I don't get it. I don't get who would pay Maisy for sex.
Obviously someone who is not getting it at home.
Ah, what just happened?
The stakes were raised.
Yes, yes they were. I fold.
..I've been abandoned. I guess that what happens when you become the town whore.
Oh sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a whore. They abandoned you because you weren't that nice to begin with.
As I see it, good friends avoid each other after being humiliated, but great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place.
Good friends offer to help in a crisis; great friends don't take no for an answer.
Do you believe in evil, Edie?
Of course I believe in evil, I work in real estate!
Are they laughing at us?
No, I think they're laughing at you. I think they feel sorry for me which is, just as mortifying.
What are we gonna do?
Oh. We're going to act like nothing is happening, and then, when we finish eating, we're going to walk out of here with all the dignity that we can muster.
Please, let's go now...
Oh no. I refuse to give them this kind of satisfaction. Open your menu.
Everybody's staring, Bree. It's humiliating.
Rex, if you walk out of this restaurant, I will scream.
Bree...
I will scream about your cruelty. Then I will scream about your infidelity. And just to make sure it really hurts, I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits. You want to know what true humiliation is, you just take one step.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.