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Desperate Housewives quotes

484 quotes · page 3 of 33

Desperate Housewives

All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6 S7

S1Running to Stand Still

Is that how you see me? As some sort of prude who just lays there like a cold fish? I love sex.

GDr. Goldfine

All right.

I love everything about it. The sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then, when you add friction. Mmm... The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself - two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but I'm just not a fan.

How am I supposed to blend in with a bunch of messed up teenagers?

I don't know, pretend you're bulimic, gag a little.

I'm repairing a chipped mug.

Why don't you just buy a new one?

Because I think it's better to fix what you already have.

(about borrowing the car) It's no big deal. It's only for a couple of hours. I let you borrow my eggs for a whole year!

How much longer is your mid-life crisis going to last because it's really starting to tick me off!

Next Spring, we're going to do 'Bambi' and his mother is going to take a slug to the heart....and you're gonna like it!

S1Anything You Can Do

Mary Alice (voiceover): Competition, it means different things to different people. But whether it’s a friendly rivalry...or a fight to the death...the end result is the same. There will be winners... and there will be losers. Of course, the trick is to know which battles to fight. You see, no victory comes without a price.

Hey Edie!

Wow, get a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognize you.

(Susan is embarassed after having been hit in the face by a mechanical bull)

Everybody's staring at me, aren't they?

Just the slapstick fans.

SMr. Shaw

Sometimes, evil drives a minivan.

S1Guilty

I am not going to apologize for having a healthy sex life!

MMartha

Healthy? I'm going to have to burn every sheet you've touched.

This is the most impoverished neighborhood in the city. Trust me, someone will steal the car.

How can you be so sure?

Because I have faith in the poor.

FCFather Crowley

Don't you want to be a good person?

What I want is to be happy.

FCFather Crowley

That's the answer of a selfish child.

I know.

(Doorbell rings)

Go to hell. (doorbell rings 3 times.) Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell.

(to Bongo, Mike's dog) If you came in here to judge me, you can just leave. (Bongo turns around) No! Wait! Don't go!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.