It's good for a dog to sleep with its master. It helps us bond.
Well if you ever want to bond with my boobs again, you'll get her off.
S4Sunday
to Orson) Are you the guy that ran me over?
S4Opening Doors
Gabrielle (to Ellie): "Here's the thing. I thought you were a hooker, so I had Lee proposition you so I could catch you in the act. But guess what? You passed the test! Everybody inside for margaritas!"
ELEllie Leonard
Hi, I'm Ellie. I understand you've got a room to rent.
Yeah, come on in.
[to Gaby about Ellie] So we have two tramps living in our house.
[to Carlos about Ellie] Okay, there may be two tramps in this house, but only one of them is getting paid.
[about Ellie] There have been men coming out of her room at all hours of the night. And I saw her counting a wad of cash.
Tell me anyway. Just in case you're not saying I'm a big slut.
Oh, come on, Edie. Carlos, Mike, Karl. You do have a way at picking at other women's leftovers.
S4Mother Said
"We're not inviting you to poker, we're not talking to you, we're not even gonna wave when you jog by. From now on, you are invisible" (Talking to Edie)
S4The Gun Song
I'm in jail 'cause of Kayla, your daughter, Tom!
You're doing great honey, just keep breathing. How close are the contractions?
A few weeks apart... wanna go to the movies?
What?
I'm not in labor, ok?
But y-your water broke. I saw it!
It was club soda. Amniotic fluid doesn't have ice cubes and a lemon wedge.
[The children sneak into Lynette's room while she's asleep]
PPParker, Preston, and Porter Scavo
Happy Mother's Day!
Oh my gosh, that is so sweet, thank you.
[Porter gives her a breafast in bed tray with breakfast on it]
We're gonna go get your present.
I hope you like turtles!
Kayla, I'm really sorry about the way things turned out.
KHKayla Huntington
No, you aren't.
Okay! I'm not.
Don't you dare throw your calligraphy skills in my face when you know I'm at a low point!
Since when do you make waffles?
Well Kayla loves waffles, and since she and I have been having some problems lately, I'm doing something nice for her.
Susan (about her baby's name): Mike insisted that we name him after his dead grandfather.
How did he die? Was he beaten to death because his name was Maynard?
I know. It's terrible but I can't change it now. Mike was so emotional about it.
Well, then appeal to his sense of reason. Maynard doesn't go with the name Delfino. One is German and one is Italian and we all know what happens when those folks get together.
I'm not sure that the World War II argument is going to fly.
Come on, you have to do something. That name is practically abusive.
Yeah, think about your son. People live up to the names they're given. If my parents hadn't named me Gabrielle, who knows if I'd be this pretty?
I guess that's why they didn't name you "Einstein."
So sarcastic but what would you expect from a "Lynette"? (Lynette scoffs) What? If your name was Francesca, you wouldn't have time for sarcasm. You'd be too busy having sex on a vespa.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.