A character in Dead Like Me
Played by Callum Blue
Dead Like Me · 117 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Dead Like Me: in 21 of its 117 quotes
Most scenes with: George (11), Rube (9), Daisy (5)
MasonHeed his advice, and stay on his good side. He's like a volcano, George, he erupts and he spews lava on all the little villagers, they run around and, they run around for their lives. But, you know, he stops, and you can go back to the safety of your own home.
MasonAnd now Mason will show little Georgie the finer art of stress relief through petty vandalism. Don't get me wrong. We will egg Trip's fucking mansion, but first...[Holds out a pen]
[seeing un-George for the first time]
Who decides what we look like?
MasonI don't know. Maybe this is what our inner child looks like when it grows up.
If that were the case, it looks like my inner child's road to adulthood was paved with crack cocaine, ten-dollar blowjobs, and maybe even a trick baby or two.
What would happen if everybody died?
MasonWhat do you mean?
Like if we were the only ones left
MasonOh, like if the frogs ate everyone on the planet?
Yeah.
MasonI reckon we'd be shoveling a lot of frog shit.
MasonI feel like I've been poisoned. Have you been poisoned?
No, not on purpose. I had some bad salmon once. I don't touch the stuff anymore.
MasonWas it salmon mousse?
I don't know. It was canned.
[This is a reference to Monty Python's Meaning of Life where the Grim Reaper tells some snobs that they all died from eating bad salmon mousse made with canned salmon]
[Mason is sitting in a booth, looking uncomfortable]
Are you high?
Mason[miserably] I've got illegals in my bottom.
MasonI've seen him stay mad for years, but you're different, he likes you. He won't stay mad as long.
Well how long will he be mad for? Days? Weeks?
MasonWhat's the one after that?
Months?
MasonYeah, that one.
[Rube, George and Mason are in Der Waffle Haus and Mason sees Daisy walk inside.]
MasonOh, bloody hell.
[To Casey, the waitress] Diet Coke, chipped ice, but not too much.
I think this is about Betty. I think George has her own Warren Commission in her head and somehow has implicated me in Betty's disappearance. Am I right or am I right?
[To Rube] Can you pass me the ketchup?
Mason[To Daisy] How you doin'?
I don't think so.
[To George] That's all you want from me? The ketchup? 'Cuz the ketchup I can handle. But the guilt trip about Betty, that I can not. I don't know where Betty is.
Mason[To Daisy] Ah- hem. Um, hello? I'm Mason.
I don't think so.
Mason[To George] What does that mean?
It means she hates you.
You lost your friend, Peanut, I'm sorry. Reapers come and go. That's life.
[voiceover] I missed Betty like crazy. I had a thousand and one questions, and I didn't know where to begin. Where was she? Was she o.k.? Was she coming back? What did Rube know? Somebody had to confront Rube and ask these questions. And, hopefully this person will be along soon.
[To Casey] This isn't chipped ice.
We don't have chipped ice. All we got's cubes.
Well, if you have cubes, and an ice pick, then you have chipped. Do you, Casey, have an ice pick?
Mm- hm. Ya. A nice one.
Well, then I think we need to start over.
Mason[To Casey] Uh, you see that Diet Coke? Thats on me.(To Daisy): I'm Mason.
[To Mason] You're a fuckin' moron.
[To Rube] Is your name Rube?
It is.
Well, I'm Daisy. Daisy Adair.
Well, you're two days early, Daisy Adair.
Well, aren't you lucky?
This is Mason, as we know. And this is George. Daisy's one of us. Daisy's a reaper.
[To George] George? Is that your given name?
Georgia.
That's much prettier, I think I'll call you Georgia.
[voiceover] I hated her instantly. With all my guts.
What is she doing here?
She was transfered.
From...?
New York! SoHo.
Why were you transfered?
Well, that's kind of personal.
[To Daisy] One Diet Coke. Chipped ice.
Thank you so much, Casey.
MasonSo, Daisy. Now, seriously, that Diet Coke is on me.
(Daisy and Mason giggle and Daisy pours her Diet Coke on Mason.)
MasonAh!
Excuse me, Miss! I need a refill.
[voiceover] I hated her a little less.
(George brings J. D. with her into Der Waffle Haus where she meets Rube, Mason and Daisy.)
What a gorgeous dog.
Isn't she?
MasonIs it a golden?
Yes! She is.
MasonWhat's its name?
J. D.
[Rube looks underneath J. D.]
J. D.'s a male.
Yes, she is.
MasonWhy you callin' him a she is he's a he?
Because dogs are referred to in the feminine.
In the way some guy would talk about a car?
Exactly.
As in, she's got eight under the hood, she gets twenty to the gallon?
... Sure.
Actually, you refer to dogs by their sex. As in, here boy, down girl.
MasonI'll show you both, we'll be like Romeo and Juliet. We will.
You do know how that story ended, don't you?
If Romeo had just masturbated a couple of times a week he would have saved both those nice families a heap of trouble.
[Roxy gives everyone a balloon]
What's the occasion?
I'm guessing she had sex with a carnie.
Why do I need to have an occasion to spread the love?
MasonBecause you are an ornery bitch and you eat puppy dogs for breakfast.
[At Der Waffle Haus.]
Georgia! Are you wearing a fragrance this morning?
It's orange juice. I hate the bus.
Public transportation is the great equalizer.
I don't wanna be equal. Fuck equal.
MasonSteal a car.
What about a bicycle? I once had Dorothy's original bike from The Wizard of Oz. I knew someone from the props department.
MasonDon't you mean you blew somebody in the props department?
Knew, blew, tomato, tomahto. Once baby Judy died, I didn't want to ride it anymore, so I sold at an auction.
Speakin' of death, let's get to work. (Hands out post-its.)
[Rube passes out self-evaluation forms to the reapers]
Mason, please write legibly. There were complaints last year.
MasonWell, that's ridiculous. I always had high marks for penmanship.
Seriously, I saw the thing. You write like you speak. I could barely understand a word.
MasonOh, you know what? In all honesty, I was, like, on something when I filled out my form last year.
Are you on something tonight?
MasonNo.
For real?
Mason[grinning] Well, a little bit.
What do you say the very second we're done here, we go back to my place for a drink?
MasonDon't fuck with me Daisy.
I probably won't, but a drink isn't gonna kill anybody, least of all us. Right?
MasonNah, five deaths is not a disaster.
How many deaths is a disaster?
MasonMore than five. Five's bullshit.
How many?
Mason16 to 20, disaster; 21 and up, catastrophe; 8 to 15 is a calamity.
7 and under?
MasonThat's a cryin' shame.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dead Like Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
