A character in Dead Like Me
Played by Jasmine Guy
Dead Like Me · 117 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Dead Like Me: in 12 of its 117 quotes
Most scenes with: Mason (5), Rube (4), George (3)
RoxyYou know what your problem is? You wake up every morning wondering what the world's gonna do for you, wondering who's gonna bend over backwards, kiss your ass and make you happy when you should just thank God for another day and leave it the fuck at that.
RoxySir, I'm going to say this as politely as possible. I will fuck you up.
[Daisy is sharpening all the pencils the Rube has provided for the reapers to fill out their forms]
RoxySharpen another pencil and I'm breakin' one in your little pink ass.
Roxy[about Crystal] Does it type?
Well, you really fucked the dog, Peanut.
What?
What? You had an appointment.
I didn't make an appointment.
RoxyBeat her.
Doesn't matter who made the appointment. You had an appointment.
Correct me if I'm wrong but- mission accomplished.
You're wrong. That was me correcting you.
I'm confused.
RoxyHe's still in there, you silly bitch.
[Flashback to the dead man's soul screaming as he is forced to watch his own autopsy.]
Holy shit! Is he in pain?
Physically, no. He's dead. But emotionally, I imagine this sort of thing is pretty traumatic.
[Mason is sitting in a booth, looking uncomfortable]
RoxyAre you high?
[miserably] I've got illegals in my bottom.
You need to fix it.
RoxyHe put his hands on me.
Last time I checked, being pissed off wasn't enough of a reason to remove a person's soul from their body. Don't do that again.
RoxyI didn't think he'd turn into a nutball.
Well, how would you have responded, Roxy? God appeared to the man.
RoxyI wouldn't be making up words and shit.
He's creating a mythology to take back to his people. Joseph Smith had the same thing happen to him. Now the Mormons have a monopoly on the hotel industry.
RoxyWell what do you want me to do?
It's about restoring the status quo, the guy wasn't supposed to get enlightened, he was supposed to get a parking ticket. You got to turn him back into a prick. If you ever take someone's soul again, without first having a post-it, I'm gonna break this pipe off in your ass.
[Roxy gives everyone a balloon]
What's the occasion?
I'm guessing she had sex with a carnie.
RoxyWhy do I need to have an occasion to spread the love?
Because you are an ornery bitch and you eat puppy dogs for breakfast.
[Rube passes out self-evaluation forms to the reapers]
Mason, please write legibly. There were complaints last year.
Well, that's ridiculous. I always had high marks for penmanship.
Seriously, I saw the thing. You write like you speak. I could barely understand a word.
Oh, you know what? In all honesty, I was, like, on something when I filled out my form last year.
Are you on something tonight?
No.
RoxyFor real?
[grinning] Well, a little bit.
RoxySo what are you? Rube's butt-boy?
Why? Did you resign?
Are you going to finish those hashbrowns?
RoxyProbably not.
(he takes them from her plate and eats them. Roxie stabs him with her knife but he moves his hand just in time.)
Fucking bloody hell.
RoxyI'm outta here.
Did you see that? I mean just because I wanted some of her hashbrowns.
I was there.
I've never seen such violence over such small potatoes.
Oh, that was almost clever.
What was almost clever, Rube?
The thing about the hashbrowns being small potatoes.
I don't get it...because hashbrowns are small potatoes.
Never mind.
[Roxy gives Mason a hard time about ordering a drink during an airplane flight reap.]
Roxy, I've never flown before. I'm a bit nervous, all right?
RoxyWell, congratulations, baby! Drink up. Buckle up. And don't fuck it up.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dead Like Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
