Rube quotes from Dead Like Me

Rube

You don't mess with fate, Peanut. People die when they are meant to die. There's no discussion. There's no negotiation. When life's done, it's done. You of all people should know that.

Rube

A wise man knows how much he doesn't know.

Rube

When I was your age, I used to treat the crust like it was just there to hold the good stuff in. I used to leave the whole back end of it on the plate. As I got older, I learned to appreciate the crust.

George

So what's next? Onward and upward?

Rube

Onward not upward. No pearly gates for you, no choirs of angels neither.

George

You dick! You're sending me to hell?!

Rube

Don't flatter yourself. You're not that interesting.

Rube

Well, you really fucked the dog, Peanut.

George

What?

Rube

What? You had an appointment.

George

I didn't make an appointment.

Roxy

Beat her.

Rube

Doesn't matter who made the appointment. You had an appointment.

George

Correct me if I'm wrong but- mission accomplished.

Rube

You're wrong. That was me correcting you.

George

I'm confused.

Roxy

He's still in there, you silly bitch.

George

Holy shit! Is he in pain?

Rube

Physically, no. He's dead. But emotionally, I imagine this sort of thing is pretty traumatic.

Rube

You like spaghetti, George? I like spaghetti. I like board games. I like grabbing a trifecta with that long shot on top... that ozone smell you get from air purifiers... and I like knowing the space between my ears is immeasurable... Mahler's first, Bernstein conducting. You've got to think about all the things you like and decide whether they're worth sticking around for. And if they are, you'll find a way to do this.

George

And what if I don’t?

Rube

Then you go away, and you don't get to like anything anymore.

George

Do you really care how it's going with me?

Rube

Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.

George

So... my whole life, everything... All I get to keep are thoughts and memories?

Rube

That's all we ever have, Peanut.

Mason

I feel like I've been poisoned. Have you been poisoned?

Rube

No, not on purpose. I had some bad salmon once. I don't touch the stuff anymore.

Mason

Was it salmon mousse?

Rube

I don't know. It was canned.

Rube

You pulled the wrong piece out of the Jenga tower little girl. You know what a hiccup is?

George

Yes.

Rube

You got yourself a hiccup. Something happens that's not supposed to happen. System has to figure out what that something is and fix it. P. J. Monroe.

George

I'm sorry.

Rube

What'd you do? Slash his tires? Have him arrested?

George

I just talked to him.

Rube

Must have been some conversation.

George

I guess.

Rube

I hope it was worth it. What, you got the hots for the guy or something?

George

No!

Rube

What, he give you some money?

George

No! [looks away]

Rube

Help...me...out.

George

I just wanted to see if I could do it?

Rube

I need somebody to give me lessons on how to communicate with you, Peanut, cuz I'm at a loss. The coin's in the slot, the gumball's on its way, and I'm plum out of wisdom. I'd start sleeping with the lights on if I were you.

Rube

Is your name M. J.?

What?

Rube

My friend tells me 'go say hello to M. J. he's standin' over there' and she points to you.

Which friend?

Rube

Right there. Pretty girl in the pant suit.

That one? I don't know her. Uh, what is she pointing at me for?

Rube

She thought you were M. J. Bowers. Are you?

Who wants to know?

Rube

It's a family reunion. We're all family. I'm just askin' your name.

I don't know you, sir!

Rube

Rube. Hi, how are you? Listen, I'm tired of fuckin' around. Is your name M. J. Bowers or not?

George

Why do I keep losing all the things and people that I care about?

Rube

That's what life is, Peanut.

Mason

Oh, bloody hell.

Daisy

[To Casey, the waitress] Diet Coke, chipped ice, but not too much.

Rube

I think this is about Betty. I think George has her own Warren Commission in her head and somehow has implicated me in Betty's disappearance. Am I right or am I right?

George

[To Rube] Can you pass me the ketchup?

Mason

[To Daisy] How you doin'?

Daisy

I don't think so.

Rube

[To George] That's all you want from me? The ketchup? 'Cuz the ketchup I can handle. But the guilt trip about Betty, that I can not. I don't know where Betty is.

Mason

[To Daisy] Ah- hem. Um, hello? I'm Mason.

Daisy

I don't think so.

Mason

[To George] What does that mean?

George

It means she hates you.

Rube

You lost your friend, Peanut, I'm sorry. Reapers come and go. That's life.

George

[voiceover] I missed Betty like crazy. I had a thousand and one questions, and I didn't know where to begin. Where was she? Was she o.k.? Was she coming back? What did Rube know? Somebody had to confront Rube and ask these questions. And, hopefully this person will be along soon.

Daisy

[To Casey] This isn't chipped ice.

We don't have chipped ice. All we got's cubes.

Daisy

Well, if you have cubes, and an ice pick, then you have chipped. Do you, Casey, have an ice pick?

Mm- hm. Ya. A nice one.

Daisy

Well, then I think we need to start over.

Mason

[To Casey] Uh, you see that Diet Coke? Thats on me.(To Daisy): I'm Mason.

George

[To Mason] You're a fuckin' moron.

Daisy

[To Rube] Is your name Rube?

Rube

It is.

Daisy

Well, I'm Daisy. Daisy Adair.

Rube

Well, you're two days early, Daisy Adair.

Daisy

Well, aren't you lucky?

Rube

This is Mason, as we know. And this is George. Daisy's one of us. Daisy's a reaper.

Daisy

[To George] George? Is that your given name?

George

Georgia.

Daisy

That's much prettier, I think I'll call you Georgia.

George

[voiceover] I hated her instantly. With all my guts.

George

What is she doing here?

Rube

She was transfered.

George

From...?

Daisy

New York! SoHo.

George

Why were you transfered?

Daisy

Well, that's kind of personal.

[To Daisy] One Diet Coke. Chipped ice.

Daisy

Thank you so much, Casey.

Mason

So, Daisy. Now, seriously, that Diet Coke is on me.

Mason

Ah!

Daisy

Excuse me, Miss! I need a refill.

George

[voiceover] I hated her a little less.

Who's complaining about the eggs?

Rube

Oh, no complaints, just observations.

Such as?

Rube

The eggs are not good. Its normally a moot point at the a la carte price of $2.95. I love eggs. I love 'em fried, scrambled, soft-boiled, florentine. These I didn't love. So who do we blame - the hen or the cook?

Rube

Let's blame the hen.

Rube

[offhand] He's a nice guy.

George

I know this is cliché to hate your boss but you're a real dickweed.

Rube

What you're feeling right now, the rage and frustration all knotted together, binding everything from your head to your digestive tract? That's my life with you.