My mother was more excited about me going to college than I was. It was like "Hey, here's a socially acceptable way to evict my daughter from our house."
I'll show you both, we'll be like Romeo and Juliet. We will.
You do know how that story ended, don't you?
If Romeo had just masturbated a couple of times a week he would have saved both those nice families a heap of trouble.
You need to fix it.
He put his hands on me.
Last time I checked, being pissed off wasn't enough of a reason to remove a person's soul from their body. Don't do that again.
I didn't think he'd turn into a nutball.
Well, how would you have responded, Roxy? God appeared to the man.
I wouldn't be making up words and shit.
He's creating a mythology to take back to his people. Joseph Smith had the same thing happen to him. Now the Mormons have a monopoly on the hotel industry.
Well what do you want me to do?
It's about restoring the status quo, the guy wasn't supposed to get enlightened, he was supposed to get a parking ticket. You got to turn him back into a prick. If you ever take someone's soul again, without first having a post-it, I'm gonna break this pipe off in your ass.
[voiceover] As you get older, the chance of making a really good new friend is probably about the same as being hit by a truck. And if you're hit by a truck (which is to say, dead) the chances of making a good friend are even slimmer.
[voiceover] Human beings are simple, predictable clichés. Broken hearts, betrayal, it's all been done a billion times before. The problem is, every time still hurts like the first. And if you're lucky enough to recover, you can be sure that just as you finish filling in all the cracks in your life, the next one is starting to open.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dead Like Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.