Darkwing Duck quotes from Darkwing Duck

[boredly] Don't shoot. The money's in the register.

Darkwing

Oh, no, no. I'm not a robber.

You're not a robber?

Darkwing

No.

You're just some weirdo in a mask?

Darkwing

Correct. I am just some weirdo in a mask.

[squeaky voice] Launchpad, I've been shrunk!

Launchpad

What was that, Darkwing? I can't understand you! [holds Darkwing up to his ear]

Darkwing

[shrieks] I'VE! BEEN! SHRUNK!

Launchpad

Well, gee, DW, I coulda told you that.

Gosalyn

[about the Muddlefoots, who have been turned into zombies] Dad! Something is wrong with them! They're watching a test pattern!

Darkwing

Gooooooood, maybe they can understand the plot!

Megavolt

[first line] Hmm, nice filament. [He puts the light bulb to his case of stolen light bulbs. He then takes out another one and talks to it in a squeaky voice.] We are glad to see you, Megavolt. [normal voice] Oh, thank you, little light. Would you like to come live with me? [squeaky voice as light bulb] Ooh, that would be very nice!

Launchpad

Now, that is one four-star wacko.

Darkwing

A wacko named Megavolt. I know him only too well.

Launchpad

[off-screen, to Darkwing] What makes you think he's behind this blackout?

Darkwing

[jumps off Launchpad] Because he's an electric-walking dynamo. He gets a charge out of short-circuiting cities. [takes out his gas gun] Now, stay here, in case he volts, uh, bolts. [He runs off, then hides again.] Slowly, the silent scourge stalks his unsuspecting adversary. [He slowly and quietly sneaks up to Megavolt, but suddenly trips and falls, dropping his gas gun in the process, startling the electric-powered villain.] Ow!

Megavolt

[gasps] Darkwing Duck!

Darkwing

[sarcastically] Aw, did I spoil your shopping spree, Sparky?

Megavolt

[yelling angrily] BOY, I HATE WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT!

Darkwing

Ow. [More electric bolts are fired at him, causing him to dodge them by jumping out of harm's way.] Yipe! [He falls off the roof, but his capes catches onto a pole, breaking his fall.] And people wonder why I wear a cape.

Megavolt

[laughing] At last! I get to pull the plug on Darkwing! [He laughs and prepares to finish off Darkwing with another lightning bolt, but his plug sparks, meaning his battery is low.] Oops. Looks like I've got a little power outage. [to Darkwing, tauntingly] Happy landings, Duck!

Launchpad

[points at Megavolt] Hand over those bulbs, buddy!

Megavolt

What is with you people? Can't a guy have a hobby?!

Launchpad

[panting] Boy, this guy's a real live wire!

Darkwing

Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage.

Launchpad

Because we’re sane, and he’s not?

Darkwing

No, because Megavolt is afraid of me. I've sent him to the electric chair. Twice. Ready? [He and Launchpad break into the steak knives room.] Hi-ya! [He then screams as he sees steak knives coming at him and his sidekick. He ducks down to dodge them, but Launchpad is pinned to the door.] Nice touch, electromagnetizing steak knives.

Darkwing

Maybe you'd better hang back.

Launchpad

No problem!

Darkwing

You can't run forever!

Megavolt

No, but you can!

Darkwing

Lucky my suit is permanent press.

Megavolt

[pants] I feel kinda... [deep voice] ...run down.

Darkwing

You- are not a well person!

Megavolt

Oh, and you're normal? "I am the cold sore that stings your lip?" We're definitely talking demented here!

Darkwing

[walks out of blindingly bright room] Launchpad, will you please turn on the lights?

Launchpad

Uh... The lights are on, DW.

Darkwing

[crashes into a mannequin] Oh, I see.

Launchpad

What do you see?

Darkwing

Nothing. [swallows] Absolutely nothing.

Megavolt

Have you lost your senses?!?!

Darkwing

Just one.

Megavolt

Blast it! YOU'RE HANDICAPPED!

Darkwing

We prefer the term physically challenged.

Darkwing

Your little game is over, you revolting revisionist! Give it back, so I can finish off the scene where I finish you off!

Megavolt

Wrong! In the last scene I'm gonna finish you off!

Darkwing

Sorry pal, this thing's reality-based. You don't stand a chance against me!

Megavolt

That's what you think, you hackneyed hack! In this edition, I'm now ten times bigger and more powerful!

Darkwing

No way! Lemme see that. Where?

Megavolt

Right there.

Darkwing

What?! What kind of crazy science fiction are you trying to write? In any case, you oughta be twenty times smaller!

Megavolt

What do you think you're doing?! I'm bigger!

Darkwing

Have it your way. I can beat you no matter what size shoe you wear.

Darkwing

If it's oil Steelbeak wants, it's oil he'll get.

My people's oil? Are you crazy?

Darkwing

Well, maybe a little manic-depressive on weekends... But I'm sane enough to know that a couple of heroes like us can overcome the likes of F.O.W.L. Launchpad, let's get dangerous!

Launchpad

Did you hear that? He called me a hero!

Launchpad

Hey, surf's up, DW dude!

Darkwing

Launchpad, you saved my life!

Launchpad

Heroes are always saving lives; it's what we do. You might want to save the thanking part, though. There's no place to land!

My people thank you, as do I. With heroes like you, the world is a safer place. Goodbye, my champion.

Launchpad

Well...you know, DW here is the real hero...

Darkwing

...Is the luckiest sidekick in the world! 'Bye, Princess. Me and the boss have to be going. Launchpad, I underestimated you. As far as I'm concerned, we're colleagues, brothers in arms.

Launchpad

You mean it?

Darkwing

I sure do! From now on, we're one hundred percent equals. [pause] Now get the bags.

Launchpad

You got it, boss.

Darkwing

Need I remind you about the time with the peanut butter, the floor wax, and my VCR?

Gosalyn

That was an accident!

Darkwing

If you haven't noticed, I happen to be WORKING, here.

Gosalyn

Really? Can I help?

Darkwing

No, thank you; I'd rather the equipment remain in one piece.