Quackerjack quotes from Darkwing Duck

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Quackerjack

It's just that sort of talk that drove me out of the toy business and into the loony bin!

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Scenes with Quackerjack 15

I am the terror that flaps in the night-stand back, you might get some blood on ya-I am the single career man all women want to date, I am- ouch! [surprised] Quackerjack?!?

Quackerjack

No, I'm Quackerjack! You are Darkwing Duck.

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Stegmutt

[gasps] You're a villian!

Quackerjack

[mock-gasps] You're a genius.

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MBMegavolt, Bushroot, Liquidator and Quackerjack

[gasp] Negaduck!

I'm trying to have a little fun. [shouting] IS THERE A PROBLEM OUT HERE?!

[pointing at Liquidator] Well, he keeps shorting out the power company!

Liquidator

[to Megavolt] That's false advertising!

[lifting Quackerjack up with a plant arm] His toys are trampling all my plants!

Quackerjack

[off-screen, to Bushroot] Are not! Are not!

[Negaduck covers his ears before pulling out a chainsaw and divides the model of St. Canard in four while scaring off his lackeys in the process.]

There you go, kids. One empire, four parts. One for each of you. You run it, you do everything!

Quackerjack

Gee, how generous. [via Mr. Banana Brain] But what about you?

I get... the loot.

AAll

What!?! Why?

Because I said.

[He points his chainsaw at them.]

AAll

Oh.

Yeah, that makes sense.

You put it that way.

[Negaduck leaves the room while glaring at his minions.]

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Quackerjack

Well Negaduck can't take all the money, while we do all the work. [via Mr. Banana Brain] It's unfair!

I like to fry his feathers.

Hey! Why don't we?

AAll

Let's kill Negaduck!

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You thought he was me? You were going to kill... ME!?!?!

No! No! We know it was Darkwing!

But we were just testing, see?

Quackerjack

Uh. Did we already kill Darkwing Duck?

Aah! The ghost of Darkwing Duck!

Liquidator

He's back!

Just... GET HIM NOW!

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MBMegavolt, Bushroot, Liquidator, and Quackerjack

We are the terrors that flap in the night! We are the soap that's cleaning up this town! We are... Darkwing's Ducks!

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[sarcastically] Oh, like we didn't know that. Let me out! I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle!

Quackerjack

Ooh! Aren't we sounding folksy.

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DDDarkwarrior Duck

I am the terror that hunts in the night! I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones! [he fires near the 'perpetrator' and singsongs] I'm not finished. [normal again] I am... Darkwarrior Duck! Maybe a year in the pen will teach you to use a crosswalk, jaywalker!

[shocked] Dad?!

Quackerjack

[nervously] He does that to jaywalkers? [as Mr. Banana Brain] And you thought your insurance premiums were high now.

[nervously] What would he do to real criminals?

Quackerjack

[as Mr. Banana Brain] Let's not stick around to find out, scout! [normal voice] Back to the Time Top!

[They rush back to the Time Top. Meanwhile, Gosalyn looks on nervously as Darkwarrior fires multiple missiles at the innocent citizen.]

Maybe Dad's just having a bad day. [winces at the explosions] A really bad day...

DDDarkwarrior Duck

A stint a solitary oughta teach him some respect for traffic laws!

CCitizen

But-but-but, what about my right to a trial?

DDDarkwarrior Duck

[grabs him by the collar, angrily] Are you saying a jury wouldn't TAKE MY WORD?!

CCitizen

[frightened] N-no, sir! Not at all, sir!

[Darkwarrior's robot minion takes him away to prison. Another one of his robots approaches him with a report.]

DDDarkwarrior Drone Robot

Subject with bad haircut reported at corner of Lankershim and Magnolia.

DDDarkwarrior Duck

So, another criminal coiffure endangering the sensibilities of decent citizens! And I bet he has dandruff, too.

[He jumps back inside his tank and drives off, with his robots escorting him. Gosalyn tries to get his attention.]

Wait, Dad! It's me!

[Neither Darkwarrior nor his robots hear her as they continue driving to the distance, much to her disappointment. Meanwhile, back with Megavolt and Quackerjack...]

Quackerjack

[panting] That duck's even crazier than we are!

[Suddenly, to the shock of the two supervillains, they see Darkwarrior's robot minions surrounding the Time Top, then one of them turns around to confront Megavolt and Quackerjack.]

DDDarkwarrior Drone Robot

Extreme parking violation. Darkwarrior civil code requires impounding vechicle and incarcerating guilty parties!

[pointing at Quackerjack] He did it! He did it! I was only a passenger! He was driving!

Quackerjack

Nonsense! [stuttering nervously] I-I couldn't possibly drive! [The drones surround both him and Megavolt.] I-I don't have a license!

[Mr. Banana Brain pops out.]

BBMr. Banana Brain

They're both guilty, but I was taken against my will!

[The robots grab the two supervillains and take them and the Time Top to prison.]

Quackerjack

[to Megavolt] You blamed me! How could you possibly blame me?!

Well, it's because it's your fault, fly boy!

[Next scene, Gosalyn is making her way to the Darkwing Tower.]

Boy, Dad needs a major attitude adjustment. He sounds more like a bad guy than a good guy. [Once she reaches the tower, she finds, to her surprise, that the tower is mostly abandoned. She gasps] What?! Where'd everything go?! [She then finds Launchpad working on a car.] Launchpad!

[She pulls him out from underneath the car. His beak moves for a bit as he rubs his head, then sees Gosalyn.]

Launchpad

[happily] Gosalyn!

[They hug.]

Oh, it sure is good to see a friendly face.

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Drat! My battery must be low.

Quackerjack

[sarcastically] Oh, good going, Sparky.

[Megavolt angrily gets in Quackerjack's face after being called that.]

[repeated line] Don't call me "Sparky"!

Nice shootin', Quackie. [laughs] But, isn't the fire engine supposed to spray water?

Quackerjack

Of course not! Then it would be a water engine!

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[Quackerjack and Megavolt are panicking as the city burns around them. Darkwing arrives.]

Quackerjack

Oh, it's Darkwing Duck!

We're saved!

Quackerjack

Oh, quick, do something!

No problemo.

QMQuackerjack and Megavolt

Yay! Hooray!

After all, if there's one thing a fire's good for...[pulls cape away to reveal wienies in his hand] it's toasting Krazy Kevin's Classic Cocktail Wienies. [puts on headphones and toasts wienies over fire] You guys should try this, really. You'll love them. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

[Megavolt and Quackerjack cry.]

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Quackerjack

You've got to save me! If I stay here any longer, I'll go crazy!

'Go'?

Quackerjack

Well, you wouldn't hold a little thing like sanity against a guy, would ya? Besides, if we're going to get out of here, we're going to have to team up.

Team up with you? That's a laugh!

PPaddywack

[offscreen] MWAHAHAHAHA!

Quackerjack

No, that's a laugh.