Tucker Foley quotes from Danny Phantom

Whew! [unenthusiastically] I mean, oh no. A ghost.

Danny

And that's when I thought, maybe this is the moral –

Sam

Uh, nice sentiment, but what are you, a greeting card?

Tucker

Yeah. Why you talking in rhyme?

Jazz

Such a dork.

Danny

We're not talking in rhyme. [excited] We're not talking in rhyme!

Walker

Orange?

Ghost Writer

[exclaims in fear] Get that thing away from me!

Tucker

Skulker?! He's hunting you again?!

Jazz

Again?! As in more than once?

Danny

Jazz, take it easy. There's a rhythm to these things. Ghosts attack, we exchange witty banter, I kick ghost butt, and we all go home having learned a valuable lesson about honesty, or some such nonsense.

Jazz

[jotting down on a memo pad] Attack, banter, kick butt, lesson, got it. [beat] So, why is he not attacking?

Danny

What?! [Sees Skulker flying away] No attack? He's ignoring me?!

Danny

Where did you get this?!

Jazz

From your computer.

Danny

You hacked into my personal ghost files?! And how did you get the password?!

It's Paulina Fenton.

Sam

Seriously Danny, it's not that hard to figure it out.

Jazz

How come you never told me Vlad Masters has ghost powers? And he has a thing for Mom?!

Danny

Because it's none of your business! [while he closes the laptop Jazz is holding]

Sam

[sneaking out of the closet with Tucker] If you don't mind, we'll be over there, doing the "glad I'm an only child" dance.

Jazz

Danny, calm down!

Danny

Calm down? How can I calm down with you constantly butting your nose in where it doesn't belong?

Jazz

I was just trying to help...

Danny

NO ONE ASKED YOU TO HELP, Because you're a lousy ghost hunter, [while people are listening outside the closet] an overbearing sister, and an annoying, obnoxious know-it-all who has no respect for her brother's privacy", SO STOP HELPING! [they gasp and Jazz begins running crying out of the closet and the people then glare at Danny]

Tucker

Do you want us to talk to Jazz?

Danny

I'm perfectly capable of talking to my own sister!

Sam

...Which is why you're hiding from her. In a broom closet.

Danny

No, I'm not!

Jazz

Danny, you in there?

Danny

Hide me! [jumps into a trash can]

Tucker

[about his PDA] It's picking up Technus! Something in his new upgrade is making my PDA all wonky.

Sam

Like at the mall... And the lab... And the ferris wheel! He's pushing Danny and Valerie together! [Tucker laughs] [unimpressed] If you're done, we have to tell Danny.

Tucker

[giggling and speaking] You wanna tell Danny that Technus is playing matchmaker? How do you think he's gonna react to that?

Sam

[annoyed] Are you done yet?

Danny

No. [keeps laughing] Okay, now I'm done. You're trying to tell me that Technus is trying to hook me up? Come on! Technus hates emotions!

Sam

And hello? He's using yours against you.

Tucker

Dim lights, stalled ferris wheel - You think the universe wants you two to be together?

Danny

Well, maybe, but... I don't know... I might.

Tucker

Uh...really? Because Tech...

Sam

[sees Valerie hiding] Uh... Technically because we just want you to be happy! If you like her we'll just have to make space for her at our table. [eye twitches]

Danny

Speaking of Valerie I was suppose to meet her before class. [Danny walks away and Valerie shows up]

Valerie

Did you mean that?

Sam

Um...uh...yeah, sure. If Danny likes you and you like Danny, the least we can do is give you a chance. [Valerie hugs Sam] Human contact...crushing Goth...indifference....

Jack

Danny! Word on the street has it that you've got a girlfriend! [to Sam and Tucker] Can you two leave so I can have a totally awkward "father and son"-chat?

[run off] Gone and gone!

Danny

Does it have to be awkward?

Jack

Yep! I'm gonna give you some fatherly advice. Then I am going to say something that makes you cringe and run out of the room in embarrassment!

Danny

Check. Advice, first?

Jack

Alright... If you really like this girl, Danny, you should let her know and give her something... Like this! [puts a ring on the table]

Danny

[surprised] A class ring?

Jack

A girlfriend's not a girlfriend until you give her a class ring, Danny. It also says, "I think you could be the girl I fight ghosts with"! [beat] At least it did with your mom - I don't know how appropriate that is for you...

Danny

[laughs] You'd be surprised. I can give her this?

Jack

Only if she's special. I'm sure Sam'll love it!

Danny

[alarmed] It's not for Sam!

Jack

[laughs, unconvinced] Of course, it's not! You guys are just friends! [leans in slightly] I even had it engraved! [Danny looks at the ring, and sure enough, Sam's name is engraved on the inside] See, that was the embarrassing thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for pie! [holds up a pie, Danny walks off] Clueless...

Sam

[sees Valerie following Danny into the sky] Uh...Danny. Danny. Come in, stay alert. You have company.

Danny

Company? What kind of company?

Sam

It's your girlfriend.

Danny

She's not my girlfriend until I give her the ring.

Tucker

What is this? 1955?

Sam

[gives Danny the ring] Here you go.

Tucker

You sure about this?

Danny

Well, she said she'd give up ghost hunting. For me. Besides, I like her, and she likes me – isn't it supposed to be that simple?

[shrugs] Clueless.

Valerie

[puts her hand on Danny's shoulder] Danny?

Danny

Wow. I-I'm glad you're here. I, uh wanted to ask you something.

Valerie

Actually, me first. [Sam and Tucker walk off] Danny, I've had a lot of fun these last few days, but my life's way too complicated right now for us to be anything other than... friends.

Danny

Just... friends? B-b-but I thought...

Valerie

I thought, too. But there's something important I have to do, and I don't want you to get hurt because of it. Besides, it's not like you were going to give me some lame class ring, right? [kisses him on the cheek]

Danny

Ye-eah, right.

Danny

[gives the ring to Sam] Can you hang on to this?

Sam

[tosses up the ring like a coin] Ah, clueless.

Tucker

What's wrong with beauty pageants?

Sam

Other than the fact that they turn girls into shallow doormats and boys into drooling idiots? Everything.

Tucker

But it's got a swimsuit competition!

Our princess must appeal to the masses, so she shall be chosen by a common boy. Someone average and bland. [as she passes Dash, Kwan, and Mikey, respectively] Too popular... too athletic... too nerdy... [to Tucker] Too-

Tucker

Handsome? Smart? In-telligent?

Annoying.

Sam

[with Tucker's campaign] You're just going about this the wrong way, Tucker.

Danny

Yeah, your campaign is all about victory through technology and the triumph of machine over man. It's kinda creepy.

Sam

So we changed your lame official campaign platform. [hands Tucker a list with the new ideas]

Tucker

[reading] Graffiti art classes? Rage against the PTA meetings? Mini-skirt Fridays? Okay, that's good.

Danny

Yeah, that was mine.

Tucker

Henceforth, all in the realm shall eat nothing but meat, and all citizens must wear red berrets. [to the girls] Including you, handmaidens.

[whispering to Paulina] He's clearly under a spell.

Paulina

[seething to Star] I don't care if he's under some spell. He dies for this! [snapping at Tucker] Haven't you heard of nail clippers?!

Any other edicts, my King?

Tucker

Yes. Mini skirt Fridays. It's a good idea whose time has come.

What shall I do about these ridiculous laws?

Oh, implement them. Let the child have his moment of glory. Once the Sphinx is completed and I have the scepter, this realm shall be mine!

[unhappy, coming from the door of the cafeteria] Manson. Foley. Can you tell me why you're not still in the cafeteria?

Tucker

[referring to Danny] We have to help him!

Sam

[quickly faking an excuse to Mr. Lancer] Why are we not in the cafeteria? [pause] Um...Because we're meeting Danny, and totally ditching school.

Tucker

And there's nothing you can do about it...old man.

[angry] Old man?! [Tucker and Sam start running away and Mr. Lancer tries to catch them] You two are in a world of trouble! [his hip cracks] Ow! My hip.

Tucker

Uh... am I interrupting something? Gregor? Dude? Hello! [Gregor furrows his brows as Tucker waves his hand in front of his face.]

[accent lost; to Tucker] Dude, Do you ever stop talking??! [frowns as Gregor continues his outburst.] Do you even know how obnoxious you are? With your stupid jokes and lame-o technology? Idiot! [to Sam] ...Uh, I mean... Psssh *resumes accent* Is nothing. Uh...*loses it again* Aw, darn it.

Sam

[realization] Wait a minute. You were faking it? The accent? and liking Tucker? Just to get on my good side?

[normal accent] Ugh, I'm a guy. Hello! I mean, I really like you, but... [gestures to Tucker] Come on!