Vlad Plasmius quotes from Danny Phantom

Vlad

[channel surfing] Ah, let's see. Shopping with pyschopaths, [changes the channel, screen shows animated Michael Jackson surrounded by cops] embarrassing celebrity arrests...[changes it again; screen goes snowy before depicting the outside of FentonWorks] Ah, illegally spying on the Fenton family, my favorite!

Vlad

It will be so nice to get my little girl back. [evil laughter] [his cat Maddie hisses at Vlad while giving him a nasty look.] Oh relax, Maddie, you're still my favorite. [rubs her under her chin to soothe her]

Vlad

Actually being a free roaming space nomad isn't that bad. At least it's quiet and I... [suddenly gets hit by the disasteroid]

Vlad

I insist you stay.

Jack

Well... I don't know. We do have that really cool R.V.

Jazz

[feigns a sneeze] Let's stay here.

Danny

Smooth...

Vlad

[to Danny] My vultures were supposed to bring me the idiot but you'll do - Danny Phantom, right?

Danny

[surprised] You...you know me?

Vlad

Of course I know you. You're that ghost boy who uses his powers for good. How quaint. Aren't you gonna try to shove me into your ridiculous thermos?

Danny

[increasingly scared] I... don't want to fight you?

Vlad

No. No, you don't. [He fires an ectoplasmic ray, sending Danny flying into a bookshelf]

Danny

Get away! [He fires an ecto-blast, which Vlad blocks with a shield]

Vlad

Ah, an ectoplasmic energy blast. [Danny fires more shots, which he keeps blocking with his shield, yawns] So, year one. Tell me, child. Can you do this yet? [Three clones of himself appear, surrounding Danny]

Danny

No! I can't! How are you doing all this?

Years of practice. Which you, unfortunately, have no time for! [They all fire ecto-blasts at Danny, who falls to the floor. Danny then phases out into the hallway, unconscious. Vlad, too, phases into the hall when Danny transforms back to human]

Vlad

The Ghost Boy... is Jack's son?! [Turns back into his human form, too] Well, what do you know?

Danny

[trapped in a spectral neutralizer] Let me go!

Vlad

Why? So you can go back to stumbling through your adolescence, desperately trying to control your powers? Powers, by the way, that I've had for over 20 years. [Makes a shield] I have experience, my child. And the money and power from using my abilities for personal gain, you see. [Two clones appear on either side of him] I could train you, teach you everything I know. [The clones disappear] And all you'd have to do is renounce your idiot father.

Danny

Dude, you are one seriously crazed-up fruit loop. That is never going to happen.

Vlad

Yes, well once your father is out of the way, we'll see how you feel.

Vlad

[overshadowing Jack] So, what do you say we liven up this shindig?

Maddie

Jack, what's the matter with you?!

Vlad

[turns around] Why Maddie, didn't you always know I'd turn on you? That when you chose me you chose wrong? [reaches hands out angrily above Maddie]

Jack

[trying to regain control] Get out. Get out of me!

I don't know what's come over you, but when I write about this I swear--

Jack

[clutches Maddie] Ghost... overpowering me... Maddie, run. WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH

He's a ghost? This is the story of the century!

Maddie

[dragging Harriet away from the scene] Come on! We have to get to the Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle! [worriedly] I mean, the RV!

Vlad

[overshadowing Jack] If you live to tell the tale, remember that big, fat [hits man] Jack Fenton did this to you!

Danny

[off-screen] Guess again, cheesehead.

Jack

Nobody uses Jack Fenton as a human meat puppet!

Vlad

Why, Maddie and Danny Fenton.

Vlad Masters?!

Vlad

Oh, what a completely unexpected and totally unplanned surprise. [pulls gift baskets out of nowhere] Personalized gift baskets? [Maddie runs up and grabs them]

Danny

[suspiciously] You're up to something.

Vlad

Oh, you think? [to a hidden microphone] They're here, kill Jack.

Maddie

What was that?

Vlad

I said... Flapjacks! Mm-hm, pancakes. I have pancakes.

Danny

Bye Vlad! And as a lonely single man in your forties, might I suggest Internet dating? Or a cat!

Vlad

Mark my words Maddie, no one says no to Vlad Masters! You will rue the day you spurned my affections! And I. Will. Not. Get. A. Cat!

Danny

Hey, uh... "Uncle" Vlad?

Vlad

Oh please, Daniel, don't try to butter me up! Especially when your powers are shorted out for another fifteen minutes! You're barely a threat to me with them. Without them, well, I wouldn't need fifteen seconds, would I?

Danny

How can you say that? You think my mom made the decision to come back on her own? We're a family. We both talked about it last night, and I want to stay here with you, too.

Vlad

Really? You don't mean....

Danny

Yes, I do. Come on! Give me a big hug... New Dad!

Vlad

Ah! You little rat! You tricked me! You know what this will mean for you, don't you?

Danny

Oh yeah. [the clock strikes midnight and Danny transforms] A much fairer fight!

Danny

Nice Donald’s hiccups Plasmius, [Danny transforms] Where's your lonely guy cat?

Vlad

Ah, there's that teen wit again. [pulls out the Plasmius Maximus and zaps Danny]

Danny

What-what was that?

Vlad

Oh, I call it the Plasmius Maximus. It has just short-circuited your powers for the next three hours - that's midnight. I tell you this because I've seen your grades and I know you're bad at math. These are my latest experiments. What do you think? Oh, that's right - who cares what you think?! I will give you five minutes before I send my minions to destroy you. The clock's ticking, Danny, on you and your father. Run.

Danny

[runs away screaming]

Vlad

[after five seconds] Get him. [the ghosts animals take off after Danny] Five minutes, five seconds... Oh, apparently I'm bad at math too!

Vlad

[to Maddie] I've been able to forgive Jack for a lot of things. Causing the accident that ruined my life, stealing you, the backwash incident...

Maddie

Whoa, whoa, back up. What was that?

Vlad

Causing the accident that ruined my life?

Maddie

No, no. After that.

Vlad

The backwash incident?

Maddie

[frustrated] No! In. The. Middle!

Vlad

Oh, the "stealing you" part? [sighs] You were always able to see right through me, Maddie.

Sam

[about Valerie] So, what's up with this? Why are you helping her all of a sudden?

Danny

Oh, she hid me from Dash earlier today. I'm just returning the favour.

Sam

Well, be careful. The last thing you'd want to do is invite your archenemy into your own house.

Vlad

Ah, hel-LO, Daniel!

Sam

Too late.

Danny

[to Vlad, after he blasts a skeleton away] You're helping me? What do you want, my mom's cell number?

Vlad

No! But, ooh, if you wanted to give me her number....