Mr. Lancer quotes from Danny Phantom

Esteemed Casper High faculty, I present your all-steak buffet. [removes the tablecloth, only to discover that all the meat is not there, shocking the teachers and Lancer discovers that there is nothing but a rattling bone] PARADISE LOST!

[after an invisible Tucker pulls several pranks on him] Gulliver's Travels, I'm losing my mind! [Tucker, still invisible, pulls his pants down] And my pants!

[becoming impressed with Danny's haunted house room] Mr. Fenton, I have to say that was the most horrifying thing, I have ever seen. [Danny becomes nervous of what he just did] You win!

Thousands of meteors will be visible in the skies of Amity Park this Friday. People tend to wish upon these falling stars without realizing that at the speeds they're falling, [dramatically] they could drill through your tiny skulls like they were wet toilet paper!

Ah... the perfect way to spend lunch; Shakespeare by the pool, and dry white toast!

Hunt for Red October!

Tucker Foley. Chronic tardiness, talking in class, repeated loitering by the girl's locker room. [Tucker smiles] Danny Fenton. 34 dropped beakers in the last month, banned for life from handling all fragile school property, but no severe mischief before today. So, gentlemen, tell me... [gets furious] WHY DID THE TWO OF YOU CONSPIRE TO DESTROY THE SCHOOL'S CAFETERIA?!

Danny

[nervous] Dash started it! He threw...

[cutting him off] Four touchdown passes in the last game is thereby exempt from scorn. You two, however, are not. I'll map out your punishment when I return. Mr. Baxter, watch the door.

But we're gonna take that accident and make it an "acci-don't" and learn from it so it never happens again!

[to Danny] You could learn a little bit about school spirit from Ms. Spectra here. When I was in school, I got the same advice. And look how I turned out!

[share an uncertain glance]

[through megaphone; to Ember] Attention, freakishly dressed teen idol, I order you to cease and desist!

Ember

Desist this, Grandpa! [sets the dial on her guitar to the hypnosis setting and strums it, making all the high school students under her command and turn on Mr. Lancer]

Pride and Prejudice!

Danny

[shocked] Ember's the ghost?!

Playing an internet video game is hardly the stuff of human drama, Danny.

Danny

[complaining] But it's fun!

Fun is relative. When I see a student pass through the portals of Casper High for the last time brimming with the knowledge that it takes to make it in the outside world, to me, that's fun.

Danny

Then you need to get out more.

And you need to stay in more. And here are a couple of people will make you do just that.

Danny

My parents!?

Lazy, unfocused, ill-prepared, lethargic. Need I go on?

Danny

Dad, I-

Jack

Now that's enough of your sass talk, mister!

Maddie

What do you suggest, Mr. Lancer?

Danny will pass. I know he's capable. But I'd like to spend his after school hours in my office studying until I administer the makeup exam.

Jazz

But he has stuff to do after class!

Danny

But I have stuff to do after class! How do you know that?!

Ah, but consider this: If you fail, you may be held back a year. If it's boring once, imagine taking it again.

Maddie

Get this straight, Danny. You're a Fenton. Fentons get "A"s, or in your father's case, "B" minuses.

Jack

[looking proud] Solid "B" minuses!

Maddie

Until you retake that test and pass it with flying colors, we are FORBIDDING access to all electronic devices.

Danny

[cell phone rings] It's Tucker.

Jack

[snatches Danny's phone] He's BUSY! [crushes Danny's phone]

[shows Danny the picture of his "sister"] Now's the best time to say, "Gosh Mr. Lancer, I never realized being a teacher was so difficult."

Danny

I'm fourteen... I don't really care...

Yes, yes of course. I'm gonna get some air. [Mr. Lancer leaves]

Danny

Gotta cross my teacher off my what I wanna be when I grow up list.

Grapes of Wrath! Break it up. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't suspend you both for fighting on school property?

Dash

Uh...I'm a football star.

True. Well, I still must at least pretend to be fair and you two need a more creative outlet for your aggression. [smiles] As you know, every year one of the faculty puts together a haunted house party at the abandoned Townsend place. [shows Danny and Dash a clipboard with an image of a haunted house and a photo of Mr. Lancer] This year, it's my turn. And I am bound and determined to decorate it better than Ms. Testlaff did, last year.

Fat chance. [shows a photo of her cosplaying as the bride of Frankenstein] You’ll never outdo my Franken-Gurkard-Stein monster.

Welcome aboard "Team Lancer" gentlemen. Scariest room avoids detention, [points at Dash] Football star or not.

[to Jack, who just ripped his clothes off with Fenton Peeler, thinking he was a ghost] I can't give you detention, but someone named Fenton is staying after school.

[pretend to check their watches] Whoa, look at the time! [they both run away, leaving Danny there]

And just where do you think you're going, Mr. Fenton?

Danny

[as Lancer] Unleash your dark side at Circus Gothica! [walks to the janitor's closet, and locks Mr. Lancer in there]

Cask of Amontillado! [bangs on door] Let me out! Let me out!

Sam

Danny, what are you doing? We're in too much trouble as it is!

Danny

[mind controlled] No such thing as "too much trouble"! Unleash your dark side at Circus Gothica! [phases through wall]

Tucker

[to Sam] Man, we better follow him!

Sam

[ironically] Oh, no! But that would mean skipping detention and going to the circus! [Tucker stares at her strangely] Hello, irony? [grabs Tucker and they leave]

Sam?! Shouldn't you be in detention?

Sam

Um... Lancer let us out?

Let me out!