TV show quotes
[Larry and Ben's daughter are stuck on a ski lift right before sunset]
Somebody's gonna have to jump.
Oh, stop.
Stop what? I can't be with you here after sundown! There's no other way! Somebody's gonna have to jump! You're gonna have to jump!
[Larry looks down]
Are you gonna jump?!
What are you, fuckin' nuts?
You got the huge vagina and you're blaming it on the small penis. You know, it's not really necessary.
Oh hey, there was a Mickey Mantle ball, his 500th home run, right over there, and it's missing. Have you seen it?
No, I have not.
Hm. It's kinda curious given that nobody has been in the house, save for a few friends. Can a ball worth an excess of $20,000 just disappear into thin air?
You want to tell me what you're driving at?
I'll tell you what I'm driving at! I submit that you took that baseball, stashed it in your unusually large vagina, and walked right on out of here!
[Larry pretending to be Orthodox Jew to suck up to the guy in charge of organ donation]
I was in the band, ok. The girls were pretty interested, you know, with the guitar. They liked that.
Like a rock band?
Jewish folk music, Jewish folk songs.
Oh, like what songs?
Um.."Gefilte Fish Blues".."My Freakin' Back is Killin' Me and It's Making It Hard to Kvell".
What was the name of your band?
The Hipsters..Larry David and The Hipsters. And then, I left The Hipsters and I just became Larry David.
You know what? Nevermind, alright? I-I'll take my liver out! I'll walk around with a dialysis machine hanging out of me for the rest of my life, no problem!
I owe you money, okay?
Yes. Here we go.
[checking his wallet] Okay...unbelievable...I'm out, I don't have any cash.
How come you never have cash, Larry?
I'm sorry, Song, I'm sorry.
No, I see you on the-
But listen! You know what I got? I got a check from Marla made out to me for $150, I'll sign it right over to you.
Okay, last time.
Last time, Song.
Okay? 'Cuz I like you.
Ok, I'm sorry, Song. Sorry.
I know where you live.
[Larry is wearing a huge sun hat]
What's with the hat?
What? I'm married. I can wear whatever I want.
It does look ridiculous. You look like you should be pulling a rickshaw of some sort.
This is unbelievable!
I've never tasted anything like this.
What is this dish?
Are you talking about this? It's pulgoki. The Korean florist brought it, it's delicious.
[Larry's face turns to disgust]
OHHH! OSCAR! THAT PULGOKI'S OSCAR!! YOU'RE EATING A DOG, YOU'RE EATING A DOG!!
You're giving away a kidney. The recipient is going to love you, man.
Really?
You gonna have your own personal slave, is what it is. You could be in China and sneeze and he'll bring you a tissue.
Wow, that may be true with others, I don't think with him though. He wouldn't even loan me a putter, actually.
You're giving him a kidney, he wouldn't loan you his putter?
Well, people get very attached to their golf clubs. It's understandable.
You're not attached to your kidney? That's fucked up, man.
I have a system..I..I have a..
[at Marty's house]
We gotta get going. My daughter is waiting for a puppet show.
My dad has a virus in bed with a fever with covers up to his head.
Your dad always has a virus.
Hey, fuck you, he doesn't always have a virus.
What do you think you're doing?! You're stealing my thing!
Stealing what thing?
Showing-up-on-the-wrong-night thing!
What, you have a fucking copyright on this?!
So your last name is "Black"?
Yes.
That's like if my last name was "Jew", like Larry Jew.
We're having a big party.
Uh huh. You wanna cake?
Yeah, we want a chocolate layer cake.
Like the one Marty Funkhouser gets.
Oh yeah! He's actually ordered it a couple of times. I just have one that I prepared recently.
It was the best cake we ever had. We can't stop talking about it.
It's one of our most popular cakes..
I can understand why.
..And here he is.
[puts down a cake shaped like a penis]
...That's a penis.
Funkhouser knowingly served us penis!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Curb Your Enthusiasm pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
