Larry David quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Excuse me, Larry. Here's your tea.

Larry

Oh wow, look at that.

There you are.

Larry

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Larry

By the way, I gotta tell you, you're doing a fantastic job.

Thank you, Larry.

Larry

I'm very very pleased. I like this new system you installed here. You put my change in here. The vaccum-sealed nuts-- I mean, come on.

And I am going to get that cabinet back.

Larry

I bet you will.

I am the world's fastest prep as a director. You know that?

Larry

I know that.

I once did a Silver Spoons on 48 hours.

Jeff

Seriously, how much would it take for you to see Eat, Pray, Love?

Larry

$3,000.

Larry

So, how's your marriage?

What the hell? Why would you ask me that?

Larry

I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

Jeff

Dementia has nothing to do with racism.

Larry

My grandfather had dementia. He wasn't a racist. He thought I was his dead sister, but he wasn't a racist.

Jeff

I don't like trainers—not into 'em. I don't like being told what to do.

Larry

Yeah, right. That's why you married Susie?

Larry

See you off? You're not going to India.

Larry

You're going to San Francisco! - It's an hour away.

Susie

- So what?

Larry

See you off? You'll be back that night.

Susie

You know what, Larry, it's not surprising to me that you're the only one of this group who's here as a single -

Larry

[CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah?

Susie

- with no girlfriend, no wife. Maybe if you would've seen Cheryl off a few more times, - you'd still be together.

Larry

- I don't think so.

Susie

- He wants to, trust me.

Larry

- No, trust me, he doesn't.

Susie

- Jeff, do you want to?

Jeff

- No.

Susie

- Well, you're going to.

Larry

- You know why you're doing this?

Susie

- Why, Larry?

Larry

Because you wanna ruin his day, that's why.

Susie

Okay, Kreskin. Could you read my mind? You think you know what goes on in the complexities of my brain and who I am.

Larry

hahaha - The complexities of who you are?

Larry

Who are you? You're a Jew from the Bronx!

Cheryl

That wasn't nice of him to say that but here's this guy trying to get a job and what have you done?

Larry

What have I done? I haven't done anything. I was insulted, don't you see that?

Cheryl

Are you going to write him a letter now or something?

Larry

Write him a letter.."Dear prick, I'm sorry you're a prick."

Cheryl

Okay, that's not gonna help..

Larry

"I didn't know you were such a prick when I called.."

Cheryl

Okay-

Larry

"..but it really turned out that you were! In any event, would you please give this young man a job?"