Grissom [going through his flashback]: "You'd think she'd know better than to wear white on the bride's big day." (reciting poetry as he's walking under the arch) Spring is but a song, where love and laughter are not wrong. The blossoms of desire do belong, and harmonia axyridis fly along.
S6 E21Rashomama
JJill
For the past six months she made my life hell and so I told anyone that would listen that she should die a fiery death so now everyone is gonna think that I killed her.
Would you like to be more specific?
JJill
Okay, well when we got engaged, um...she ran into the backyard and she screamed "Why God, why me?" Okay. She wore white today. She... She invited Adam's very, very, attractive, very um...single ex-girlfriend. When she found out that I had registered for sporting goods she went behind my back and changed the registry to housewears. Saying that I better learn how to cook. Okay, I'm a vegetarian and she demanded roast beef. Um...and then, then there's the toast. The toast.
Are you trying to make me think that you didn't kill her?
JJill
I would never do that to Adam. I honestly don't know how such an amazing man came from...from...that.
That's a tight schedule. She would have barely had time to go to the bathroom.
FRFrank Rosetti
I don't sell bridal diapers for nothin'.
He was kiddin' about the diapers, right?
So, you took the perimeter of the scene, right?
Yeah.
Well, I saw this guy in the shadows, Archie blew it up, looks more like a suspect than a guest. (shows Nick the pictures) That face look familiar?
Yeah, yeah, I caught that guy sleepin' one off in the bushes. It's the groom's old man.
Wow, I thought my wedding was bad.
So you didn't kill her?
EErnest
Nope, but you better check to see she's really dead, because I don't think you can kill the Devil.
You know, you and me, we're not the marrying kind. The intricacies of our nature can never be understood by just one woman.
Would you close the door please? [Hodges goes over and closes the door.] From the other side.
Nick (walking in): What's up?
Sara (holding up the bride's lingerie): I need your hands.
I thought you'd never ask.
Sara (smirks): I need you to um...reprint the bumper because the tape lifts were stolen.
(After Wendy tells them the DNA results)
We could compare them to the bucal swabs that we collected...if we still had them.
Well we'll just have to recollect them.
All 200 of them?
Yeah. And since we can't leave...someone else is...gonna have to recollect them.
This is crap. I've been waiting on IAB for 14 hours. I'm tired. And I kinda smell. And I don't have a friggen car.
(Nick's car arrives in the garage with half naked women painted on it)
Brass [to Nick]: Hey, pimp. How do you like your new ride?
Hey look, they fixed it.
Nick (whining): Ooh, ooh, that's not funny.
Oh, it's a little funny.
MMikey
Where's that Sara chick?
Oh Romeo, I don't think that you have time for romance. You're being charged with grand theft auto, obstruction of justice and conspiracy to murder...
MMikey
Okay. I will cop to everything but the murder.
Well, if you didn't commit the murder, why did you steal the car?
MMikey
Look, the lady was already dead, all right? And then you guys show up... and this bridesmaid comes up to me and starts askin' me all these questions about my tow truck.
Which bridesmaid?
MMikey
The hot one. The next thing I know she wants to be the Bonnie to my Clyde. Asked me to steal this car and trash all the evidence.
So you committed grand theft auto to get laid?
MMikey
Have you ever stolen a two-ton piece of machinery? It is way better than sex. And finding a girl that doesn't wanna kick you to the curb for it? I mean c'mon, that is hot! Besides, I haven't gotten a wedding gift for my sister yet.
Did you know the original role of the bridesmaid was to act as a human shield against the bride's enemies?
Women would dress similar to the bride in an effort to confuse and outsmart evil spirits that might try to overtake her on her wedding day.
Wow, for somebody who's anti-wedding you sure know a lot about it.
I'm not anti-wedding, I'm just anti-stupid. You know, people who do things for the sake of tradition with no clue as to why...
Grissom (gives her a look): Anyway...
S6 E22Time of Your Death
Well tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil and oxycodone.
Stimulant, erection, and a painkiller, party in a pill.
Where was that on my wedding night?
In 1897, Williams Spinks received a patent for what came to be known as Spinks' billiard chalk. You may be surprised to know that cue tip chalk need not contain chalk at all, but is a mixture of axel light and silica. The abrasives give grip to the tip when it hits the ball.
Stop trying to make that sound dirty. Our vic had a callous on his hand.
Mmmmm.
Don't.
Please tell me there are something more to this guys and cars thing, besides the obvious penis extension metaphors.
So you want me to lie?
Caprice Unlimited: Anything is Possible. Sounds like a sex business. [picks up phone to call the company]
What are you going to say?
Uh, something other than a guy is dead, and it looks like you're involved.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.