Jim Brass quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Brass

Forget it Gil. It's Burbank.

Brass

I know your heart's in the right place, Nick, but the family would be more comfortable if you weren't here. Now, I've been were you are. I know how you feel but sometimes the best thing is to walk away. Okay? That's the right thing.

Brass

Drop the Woodward and Bernstein act, okay?

Brass

Nice little crime scene you got here. So you called in your own 4-19 off a web posting? I mean, I heard of firemen setting fires to get overtime. Don't tell me you're dropping bodies for extra cash.

Brass

So I bet you think I owe you one, huh?

Warrick

We work. We get paid. You don't owe me anything.

Brass

(smirks) Fine with me.

Brass

(finds a pair of blood covered jeans) Whoa. Is this a pair of jeans under all that blood?

Grissom

[quoting Shakespeare] Yet who would've thought the old man could have so much blood in him?

Brass

What was that?

Grissom'

That's Shakespeare.

Brass

(looking at Jesse's polygraph results) Well, the sick bastard is on the up and up. Except your last question. Your "Why"?

Catherine

That they killed the family so they could be together?

Brass

Operator says his respiratory reactions were inconsistent. He's lying.

Nick

We got them both. I don't much care why they did it.

Warrick

I'm with you there.

Grissom

I care. I don't like holes. What are they hiding?

Grissom

What happened?

Brass

You tell me, Carnac.

Brass

Quincy wants to be alone.

Why does he want to be alone?

Brass

He wants to get his mojo working.

Grissom

So, dead guy in first class?

Brass

Las Vegas Air, I always heard it was a good time.

Grissom

I want this whole plane taped off ... nose to tail and wing to wing.

Brass

Oh, it's going to take a lot of tape.

Grissom

I've got a dead body, a crime scene with wings. Something very wrong happened in this plane.

Grissom

Well, in this case we're going to recreate the flight from ... 1630 hours on. [points to Brass] You are in 4B.

Brass

Lou.

Catherine

Lou -- the angry businessman. How about that?

Brass

[Sarcastic] Ha ha.

Sara

I want to be Shannon.

Grissom

Good.

Warrick

The stewardess.

Sara

Excuse me, it's "Flight Attendant".

Grissom

Catherine, the doctor, 3E.

Catherine

Single mom. What an imagination you have.

Grissom

[points to Nick and Warrick] Max and Marlene, 2E and F. You two are married. Who wants to wear the pants?

Nick

CSI-3 seniority, "sweetie".

Warrick

Yeah, whatever. You're henpecked anyway.

Sara

[To Grissom] Let me guess; you're the computer geek.

Grissom

In the interest of clarity, yes. Nate in 2C.

Grissom

Now Lou said that he was the peacemaker.

Brass

Peacemaker, my ass. [Shows three empty mini-bottles of whiskey] He's got three empties in the pouch, the seat reeks of whiskey; the guy probably spilled Lou's drink.

Catherine

Very good.

Brass

I was boss at CSI once, for a reason. So, Lou gets up and takes a swing at the guy. Well, after knocking three back at 30,000 feet, you know, he probably misses, so what does he get for his troubles?

Warrick

A CD swipe across the chops.

Brass

So, then he falls back–oh, maybe that's when he fell back and spilled his own drink.

Grissom

Now, by this time, Candelewell's got to be out of his seat, right?

Nick

You know, if I'm Max, I want no part of this. Plus, I don't have an aisle seat.

Brass

Yeah, but you're lucky: your wife's going to make sure you get into the playing field.

Warrick

Yeah, go ahead, honey. Save my life.

Nick

So Max gets up, goes across Marlene,[to Warrick] Excuse me, buttercup...

[after Sara discovers blood that has been wiped clean off the wall] I have no idea how it got there.

Sara

Oh... How it got there was when you shot your wife in the head, wrapped her in a blanket and left her on the side of a mountain. Dead!

Get that finger out of my face bitch!

Brass

Stop! That's enough! [to Grissom] Get her under control!

Grissom

Get him out of here, Jim!

Told you she was a handful.

Sara

Oh, you don't know a handful!

Grissom

Hey, Sara, what's the matter with you?

Sara

I am a woman, and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife!

Brass

So, you planning a little late-night luau? Roast pig?

Grissom

It's an experiment. Maybe Kaye was dead five days.

Brass

I thought your bugs never made mistakes.

Grissom

They don't. People do. The victim was wrapped in a blanket. Normally a blanket or clothing doesn't impact insect maturation. The insects usually fight their way in anyway. But I examined the folds in Kaye's blanket. She was wrapped tight---maybe tighter than I realized---which would have decreased the corpse's exposure to insects

Brass

So it took longer for the insects to get in there?

Grissom

And deposit their eggs. Maybe two whole days. I've wrapped porky here pretty tight.

Brass

Well, let me ask you this. You killed a pig just for this?

Grissom

This poor ham was already on its way to someone's Christmas dinner