Greg Sanders quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Greg

Squirrels love 'em ... they get tossed at Dodger Stadium and they make a hell of a butter.

Sara

You're nuts. You know that.

Greg

Exactamundo. Peanuts!

Greg

You know, most dogs have 42 teeth but, as you've discovered, your Cujo only has 41. Woof-woof.

Grissom

Did you ever hear a dog say "woof-woof," Greg? I mean, what is the origin of that? And what do we sound like to them, I wonder.

Greg

I don't know. Probably blah, blah, blah.

Catherine

So, what, this guy has some strange chemical in his mutated DNA?

Greg

Freaky, huh?

Catherine

Freakiest semen I've seen in a while.

Grissom

It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When is this thing going to be done?

Greg

Well, with all due respect sir, it's not a baked potato. Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?

Grissom

Is this going to be a short story or a novel?

Greg

Excuse me. You know, heroin has a nine-minute half-life. After that, it metabolizes into morphine.

Grissom

What's the 6-MAM count?

Greg

A hundred fifty-eight nanograms per mil. Definitely not lethal. The same with your Xanax. Quarter-mil tabs, hundred micrograms per liter. Again, not lethal. There's addicts walking around Times Square with more drugs in their system.

Grissom

So Braun should still be walking around.

Grissom

...and the point of your New York story was...?

Greg

Oh, I was just going to tell you about another way to take heroin.. a suppository up the coolee. You just stand on your head, and then you let gravity...forget it!

Greg

Oh, is that alcohol on a bug bite? That's like butter on burns, man. Wives' tale.

Nick

Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemorrhoid cream on my acne.

Greg

Worked, didn't it?

Grissom

Did you try this coffee?

Nick

Mm-mm.

Grissom

The last cup I had tasted like motor oil.

Greg

Oh, don't touch it. That's my pot!

Grissom

Your pot?

Greg

Yeah, you know, from my own private stash. Blue Hawaiian -- $40 a pound. Only grown a couple times a year on the Big Island hand-picked to perfection.

Grissom

Good. You're using my water so I guess that makes it community coffee.

Greg

Well, this is one way to get her DNA. Bring me her whole life.

Sara

It's called zeal, Greg.

Greg

Or overkill.

Grissom

It's called protocol. Let's get on with it.

Grissom

Friedrich Miescher requests my presence?

Greg

Figured out my code huh? Well you know my boy, Freddie, discovered DNA.

Grissom

He's been dead a hundred years, Greg.

Catherine

Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.

Greg

Your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.

Warrick

[To Grissom] So you just proved murder.

Greg

I wouldn't break out that champagne just yet. Don't go shooting the messenger. Thumb print from the nail.

Greg

I think I smell something burning in the DNA lab. I'd love to stay and chat...

Grissom

Greg, I hopes that's not the crossword puzzle.

Greg

Cheese, milk, sweaters. What do these things have in common?

Catherine

Goat cheese, goat milk.

Nick

Goat sweaters?

Catherine

Angora.

Greg

Ding, ding, ding.

Greg

You smell like death.

Sara

I've heard.

Greg

You know ... a real man wouldn't mind.

Nick

You just made yourself useful, my friend.

Greg

Oh yeah?

Nick

Yeah.

Greg

Hey! Yo, Cat!

Catherine

(she walks into DNA) I'm going to forget you called me that.

Greg

Sorry.