Community · Season 3
She’s calling him?!
She was born in the 80's - she still uses her phone as a phone!
Uh-oh.
That's fine; it's fine! We just won't answer it.
Won't it go to your voicemail?
[Annie answers Britta’s call]
Hello? Blade?
[Annie makes a weird noise, then hangs up]
Jeff? What are you doing here?
I just got back from the carnival, where I met Blade.
Is he okay? How is he?
He’s brain damaged.
Okay, well, let’s not be petty…
No, I’m serious; he showed me the scar. Ten years ago, before he even met you, a loose blot flew off a Ferris wheel and embedded in his skull, destroying the part of his brain…that feels shame. I mean, he’s basically irresistible to people for the same reason he can pretty much only work at a carnival. He has nothing to prove or disprove about himself or to himself. He has no shame.
Why wouldn’t he have told me that?
Because he didn’t care if you knew.
That is so like him! I have to go to him…
No, woman. None of us have to "go to" anyone, and the idea we do is a mental illness we contracted from breath-mint commercials and Sandra Bullock. We can't keep going to each other until we learn to go to ourselves. Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job and just stop hating ourselves.
We are so screwed. How are we gonna memorize all this?
Let’s just go over it again. Kingdom, phylum, class...
Order, family, genus, species. I used a mnemonic device. "Kevin Please Come Over For Gay Sex."
Why not use Karen?
Because it’s gay sex, dummy.
So use great.
Now I can’t remember anything! Thanks!
You don't have a patent on being a control freak, Abed.
I sorta do.
How did we get the short straw?
It's not a short straw. It's a hot potato.
Yeah, well, it looks pretty cold to me.
Cold or dead?.
Survey says...
We can't both do the zinger.
If it's any consolation, she got me here on a very misleading text message.
Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.
Annie has a point. The death of a peer, especially at our age, can trigger a whole range of emotions. As a psychologist...
Student.
...I hereby offer my licensed...
Unlicensed.
...services as a grief counselor.
Grief causer.
If anyone needs to talk, the doctor...
Not even close.
...is in.
LET'S BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN!!
I think I've heard enough, and I don't see what choice I have. Greendale Seven—Jeff Winger, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorn, Britta Perry, Shirley Bennett, Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes—you are hereby expelled from Greendale Community College. May God have mercy on your souls.
What do you mean Greendale doesn't exist?
Well, there is a place called Greendale and you all spent three years there, but it was not a community college. These memories that you people have been sharing are a shared psychosis. You were patients there together, you were released together, and I'm alarmed to see that you are now relapsing together.
I'm a millionaire, I'm an inventor, I'm a legend, and I had sex with Eartha Kitt!
[as a doctor in the "Greendale Asylum"] That's sad. Should we increase their lithium?
[with Dan Harmon's voice] Not yet. I want to see what happens if we confiscate one of their pens.
You're just jealous because we found a world where I know what I'm doing.
[about Abed] Uh-Oh. He's playing the Rain Man card. Let's bounce.
There is another way in. If I enroll in the AC school, they'll help us. We could walk in and out. It'll mean I'll have to move out and into a.c. school housing, and I won't be able to hang out with you guys anymore, or have a relationship, or use the word sensational for some reason.
Troy, we are not losing you to save the dean, or Greendale, or anything, ever.
Don't be so dramatic, Troy. The answer is simple. We just have to plan an elaborate heist.
Yes!
Great, I'll get my turban.
Everyone except Pierce has to plan an elaborate heist.
A. That is racist. B. Swamis can't drive, they're Indians.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Community pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
