TV show quotes
Isn't it great? Greendale is the latest campus to catch a case of public health fever.
You know the toilets in the women's bathrooms don't have seats, right?
Because they keep getting stolen. Sabrina, take a note. I want hidden cameras in every stall.
Problem solved.
I'm so sick of the dean jamming his PC-ness down my throat.
Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
Guys, are we really going to let religion divide us? I think there's one thing we can all agree on.
I get 72 virgins in heaven.
...No.
Jeffrey, I am the least racist person in the world. My best friend, when I was six years old, was a black man!
[After being kicked in the face by Buddy] No no, its fine, it's fine. It's just little a nose bleed. I get 'em when it's dry and when my face gets kicked.
[To Buddy] Annie's pretty young, we try not to sexualize her.
Jeff, what's your favorite episode of M*A*S*H?
The one with, uh... the army.
That's what I thought. If you'd ever actually seen the show, you'd know that Hawkeye didn't just bed nurses and drink martinis. He also had blood sprayed on his face and barked orders when the choppers came in. If he didn't, people died. He was a leader, Jeff. That's your job.
Before we start, I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimi-wow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conundrum.
That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.
Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.
You keep a list of everyone based on how good-looking they are?
Yes, we do... number two.
Dean Pelton?
Yes, Professor Seven... uh, Professor Slater?
[Talking about Troy's dancing] Troy, what you did took guts. I'm impressed.
Thanks, Pierce.
And such a creative way to tell the world you're gay.
You don't see me saying anything crazy about Abed and Troy's weird relationship.
[to each other] They're just jealous.
Does anybody get specific about me?
Check your e-mail.
I'll mark you as spam.
Who the hell's Pam?
Troy, I want you to clear your mind.
[Immediately] Done.
[Troy and Abed are filming their own version of Kickpuncher, an in-universe parody of the 1987 movie RoboCop. Troy poses as Kickpuncher, Abed as his love interest]
Are you sure Britta couldn't do your part?
I asked her. She wasn't available.
[Sighs] Let's go film the sex scene.
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