A. That is racist. B. Swamis can't drive, they're Indians.
S3 E21The First Chang Dynasty
S3 E22Introduction to Finality
Today is Abed's first therapy session.
His what?
He's been feeling extra vulnerable lately, having lost Troy to the air conditioning repair school, so he's finally going to let me practice my psych skills on him! Give me some credit, Winger. What's the worst that could happen?
Classic tee-up.
Shut up, Leonard; I know about your crooked wang!
No such thing as bad press!
Your honor, I have no closing statement…because I'm throwing the case. No, no, it's okay. It's fine, don't worry. My client, Shirley Bennett, my friend for three years, told me that it was okay. She said what I want was more important. She's right, right? I mean, guys like me, we'll tell you there's no right or wrong. There's no real truths. And as long as we all believe that, guys like me can never lose. Because the truth is, I'm lying when I say there is no truth. The truth is… the pathetically, stupidly, inconveniently obvious truth is… helping only ourselves is bad and helping each other is good. Now, I just wanted to get out of here. pass biology, and be a lawyer again instead of helping Shirley. That was bad. And my former colleague wanted so badly to keep his rich client that he just asked me to roll over in exchange for my old job. So I guess we all walked in here pretty bad. But now, Shirley's gone good. Shirley's helping me. It's that easy. You just stop thinking about what's good for you, and start thinking about what's good for someone else. And you can change the whole game with one move. Now, if you like this idea, you can make it true by doing something good for everyone here. Throw this case out of court. It's dumb. That is all.
I withdraw my case. Why didn't you just do some inspirational speech about friendship? You're fired!
AAlan
Way to go, soft serve. You're finished. By the way, never got a chance to tell you this, but it was me who turned you in to the state bar.
I know. And I never got a chance to thank you.
AAlan
This place has made you so gay...
Hey, don't use "gay" as a derogatory term! Booyah! Good person!
S4 E1History 101
Showing up early, helping others, sending girls away? Could this be a whole new Jeff Winger?
Don't ruin it by approving it.
I wish to end all wars.
TTroy
That's another rule. No wishes containing the word 'all'. Guaranteed ironic consequences.
I don't think anyone's going to miss wars.
TTroy
Star Wars, Thumb wars, wow, Storage Wars!
S4 E2Paranormal Parentage
The dead can't have business. They can't want, or think, or do. It's the living that choose to be haunted.
I remember when this show was about community college.
Ghosts can’t go through doors, stupid; they’re not fire.
S4 E3Conventions of Space and Time
[at an Inspector SpaceTime convention]
Jeff, why are people staring at you?
'Cause they've never seen a man who's had sex before?
We come all this way, and you just leave me alone without so much as sending a text message? I'm sick of it, Jeff... Nigel... Winger! [tries to throw two more drinks in Jeff's face, but realises they are empty] Can I get two more of these, please?
Enough! This day has turned crazy. I'm gonna go upstairs, towel off, and pray to God that I wake up in the middle of a final in a class I didn't know I was enrolled in. [storms off]
S4 E4Alternative History of the German Invasion
RReinhold
Don't worry. If there is one thing Germans don't do, it's hold a grudge.
Unless we're talking about Die Hard 3.
Or the 20th century.
I really am Hitler.
Yeah.
So it's just decided? No vote or anything?
TTroy
I hate this. I wish there was a way we could make it up to people.
That's it! We need to make reparations. We have to start giving back, because Greendale has given us so much. It gave us the study room. And that study room is our home. But our home is more than those four walls. And our family is more than the seven of us. It's all of Greendale. And everyone deserves to have what we have. [after the study group finishes the study room make overs] What do you know? Greendale just got slightly better.
[The study group returns to Study Room F]
It’s good to be back.
Should we go celebrate at Skeepers?
Aw, come on, Shirley; we all have lives.
There you are! I am so proud how you stepped up and made amends, and everyone forgave you! Because when it comes right down to it, Greendale's a forgiving place.
It really is.
Please keep that in mind for the next 20 seconds; remember that people can "chang".
People can what?
Hmm?
[Chang walks into the study room]
Hi, I'm Kevin.
GSGreendale Seven
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
[whispering] He has Changnesia.
S4 E5Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations
I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.
Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!
Psychology tells us there are no accidents.
What about car accidents, Tara Reid, or the Hindenburg?
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