S3Hellspital
Man, I don't like this. You seem pretty sick.
Oh, yeah? Could a guy who's… pretty sick mail a letter? [later crawls outside over to the mailbox to mail a letter]
You threw up on the way over here.
[Emily, Bridgette, Pearle, and Randy come out]
Okay. We're taking you to a doctor.
Doctor? No! I said no doctors! Doctors have killed many people in history than Genghis Khan and Chaka Khan combined.
Alex, would you relax? I see like 50 doctors a week. They don't kill people.
Why don't you tell that to my dad?! [groans weakly as he walks back inside]
I-I think you took a wrong turn, Pearle.
Oh, uh, we're taking a different route.
Oh, okay. Hold on. How did I not know about this screening? I have like six different Google alerts for "Viking Timelord marathon." [realizes in horrified shock] Wait a minute. THIS IS THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL!!!
S3Candice Candice Revolution
IRImaginary Robin Hood
Fair Candice! It is I, an 80%-On-Model-Robin Hood. Rules are completely meaningless. Go forth and do whatever you want.
IRImaginary Robin Hood
Of course! Doing whatever you feel like is the key to happiness. Your mind has now been blown in 3, 2, 1!
[Bridgette, Josh, Emily and Candice arrive at the Hashima lab and meet Bridgette's younger sister, Olivia, and their mother]
Hey, sis. [she and her sister hug] Can't believe you actually made it.
Hi, Mrs. Hashima. And thanks so much for us, Olivia.
She's "Doctor Olivia" now.
[scoffs] She's not a real doctor, she just stayed in school too long.
[picks up an intelli pill from the bowl and walks into the hallway] I'll show them smart. [swallows the pill and an electric bolt elevates up from her spine to her brain] Huh? I guess it doesn't work. AAGH! [falls onto her knees] Mind on fire. Hypotenuse! Parthenogenesis! "Star Trek" continuity!
[panting] Ljubljana is in Slovenia!
Okay, so she learned to Google, big deal.
[weakly] I think I need to go home.
[after inventing a Mind-agra pill] 1,000 milligrams of bio-optimized, quick-release nootropic cognitive enhancement. [takes out her phone] Science, bitch! [shutter clicks a selfie]
[clapping slowly] Wow, cool pill… if you like bullshit! Hit it, Alex! [walks up on the stage] Behold! Mind-agra! [holds up a Mind-agra pill the air and the audience gasps in amazement]
[shocked] No! But how? [Bridgette wipes her bangs, revealing her increased head; shocked gasp in realization] Bitch took my pill! [runs over to her mother] Mom! She stole my pill and reverse engineered it! Do something!
Like what? It's about time Bridgette did something useful. [gets up from her seat and walks up on the stage]
[as her sister runs up and swipes the bottle out of her hand] Hey!
[dumps out a pill and swallows it, causing her brain to increase a bit as she groans] I…understand! [speedily draws a hypothesis on the chalkboard] I did it! I proved the Riemann hypothesis, the most important unsolved problem in pure mathematics!
[The audience cheers and applause for Olivia as Mrs. Hashima raises up her hand]
MIMan in Audience
Eat shit, Riemann!
AAudience
[chanting] Olivia! Olivia! Olivia!
[The Hashima sisters keep on gulping down Mind-agra pills and both their brains increase bigger]
I can manipulate gravity! [she and her sister both hover into the air] Don't worry, I'll keep this short.
I'll KILL YOU! [launches herself at her sister and pushes her through the roof of a studio]
S3Never Meet Your Heroes
[clears throat] "Eons ago…"
[outraged] What the [bleep]?!
It makes me want to kill myself!
You've made me hate reading more than I already do! [takes the flat screen TV off the wall and throws it, making it explode]
Wait, what?! Is it really that bad?
Let's kick him in the nuts!
[in Candice's body] Whoa! Everyone's freakin' huge!
[in Emily's body] Hell, yeah, I'm old enough to cuss!
[in Alex's body] I'm literally inside my ex. My therapist is gonna love this.
[in Josh's body] Wait. So who's in Bridgette?
JKJack Kleghorn
[in Bridgette's body] That's Sir Bridgette!
S3Legend of the Pier
[spots a car, thinking it's about to backup] Ah-ha! See? A space is opening up as we speak. [the car's tale lights go off; annoyingly honks the horn, unaware that the driver is doing her taxes]
DDriver
[gets out of her car and runs to Alex's car; irately] I'M DOING MY TAXES, DICKWEED! [violently slams her fists on the hood; Alex and Josh scream and drive away] I'm gonna deduct your head from your body!
S3Match Made In Valhalla
[last lines] Already with the excuses.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Close Enough pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
