Lines by Candice Ramirez-Singleton 1
Candice
This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I just wanted to make a little cash, have a little fun. But sometimes, even the best plans… can leave a skid-mark in your shorts. To understand how we got here, you've gotta know the legend. The legend… of Sauceface.
Scenes with Candice Ramirez-Singleton 8
[as Josh gets sent to an ambulance]
Candice
Daddy, what's an ass knife?
Uh, huh. That's a different lesson!
[Josh, Alex and Candice sneak in and hide behind a wooden crate and hey watch the meat being produced]
Candice
Aw sick! Look at what they're putting in the meat!
[the Wurst Bros employees pouring dead animal parts into the meat processing machines]
Dude, look up there! [reads a pig-shaped sign reading "Not Stolen Hams"] I bet there's hams in there.
[a muscular man approaches Josh and Alex from behind and bangs their heads together, knocking them out. Candice is left untouched]
MMMuscular Man
Factory Tour's on Thursdays. [he picks up Candice] Hello sweetie, I have the perfect place for you.
[sees Candice leave her seat] Candice, what are you doing?
Candice
Proving I'm not dumb!
CBCommercial Bot
No matter. I'm password protected. [Candice types up the password] You'll never guess my-
Candice
Let's play King Kong.
[Josh tosses Candice up into the air; his back breaks when he catches her]
Candice
Uh, dad?
Man, I don't like this. You seem pretty sick.
Oh, yeah? Could a guy who's… pretty sick mail a letter? [later crawls outside over to the mailbox to mail a letter]
You threw up on the way over here.
[Emily, Bridgette, Pearle, and Randy come out]
Okay. We're taking you to a doctor.
Doctor? No! I said no doctors! Doctors have killed many people in history than Genghis Khan and Chaka Khan combined.
Alex, would you relax? I see like 50 doctors a week. They don't kill people.
Why don't you tell that to my dad?! [groans weakly as he walks back inside]
Candice
Awkward.
IRImaginary Robin Hood
Fair Candice! It is I, an 80%-On-Model-Robin Hood. Rules are completely meaningless. Go forth and do whatever you want.
Candice
Really?
IRImaginary Robin Hood
Of course! Doing whatever you feel like is the key to happiness. Your mind has now been blown in 3, 2, 1!
[clapping slowly] Wow, cool pill… if you like bullshit! Hit it, Alex! [walks up on the stage] Behold! Mind-agra! [holds up a Mind-agra pill the air and the audience gasps in amazement]
[shocked] No! But how? [Bridgette wipes her bangs, revealing her increased head; shocked gasp in realization] Bitch took my pill! [runs over to her mother] Mom! She stole my pill and reverse engineered it! Do something!
Like what? It's about time Bridgette did something useful. [gets up from her seat and walks up on the stage]
[as her sister runs up and swipes the bottle out of her hand] Hey!
[dumps out a pill and swallows it, causing her brain to increase a bit as she groans] I…understand! [speedily draws a hypothesis on the chalkboard] I did it! I proved the Riemann hypothesis, the most important unsolved problem in pure mathematics!
[The audience cheers and applause for Olivia as Mrs. Hashima raises up her hand]
MIMan in Audience
Eat shit, Riemann!
AAudience
[chanting] Olivia! Olivia! Olivia!
[The Hashima sisters keep on gulping down Mind-agra pills and both their brains increase bigger]
I can manipulate gravity! [she and her sister both hover into the air] Don't worry, I'll keep this short.
I'll KILL YOU! [launches herself at her sister and pushes her through the roof of a studio]
Candice
Science is awesome!
[in Candice's body] Whoa! Everyone's freakin' huge!
Candice
[in Emily's body] Hell, yeah, I'm old enough to cuss!
[in Alex's body] I'm literally inside my ex. My therapist is gonna love this.
[in Josh's body] Wait. So who's in Bridgette?
JKJack Kleghorn
[in Bridgette's body] That's Sir Bridgette!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Close Enough pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.