Pearle Watson quotes from Close Enough

Pearle

[on the phone with the insurance man] Oh, really? Well, tell me, Mr. Insurance Man, how on Earth is a partial hip replacement considered elective surgery?! No, you read the fine print of your medical plan for more information! [hangs up angrily] After giving the police force the best years of my life, all they give me in return is some aspirin and a prescription for water aerobics?!

Those bastards!

Pearle

Don't you talk about the LAPD that way!

But you-- But you just said--

Pearle

Once a cop, always a cop, Randy.

Why not give the water aerobics a try? They say it's not just for old people.

Pearle

[opens the prescription brochure, showing an image of a coffin floating in the pool] I'm too young for this shit.

Josh

Man, I don't like this. You seem pretty sick.

Alex

Oh, yeah? Could a guy who's… pretty sick mail a letter? [later crawls outside over to the mailbox to mail a letter]

Josh

Alex, are you okay?

Alex

Nailed it.

Josh

You threw up on the way over here.

Alex

Yeah. As a joke.

Emily

Okay. We're taking you to a doctor.

Alex

Doctor? No! I said no doctors! Doctors have killed many people in history than Genghis Khan and Chaka Khan combined.

Pearle

Alex, would you relax? I see like 50 doctors a week. They don't kill people.

Alex

Why don't you tell that to my dad?! [groans weakly as he walks back inside]

Candice

Awkward.

Alex

I-I think you took a wrong turn, Pearle.

Pearle

Oh, uh, we're taking a different route.

Alex

Oh, okay. Hold on. How did I not know about this screening? I have like six different Google alerts for "Viking Timelord marathon." [realizes in horrified shock] Wait a minute. THIS IS THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL!!!