Lester Patel quotes from Chuck

Big Mike

I'm not gonna lie to you, boys. Bartowski is killing it with the ladies.

Lester'

I know. First there was that hot girl from Stanford..,

Jeff

Jill. Then there was that brunette with the overpriced deli...

Big Mike

Lou. She was a fine, miniature piece of woman.

Lester'

And now Hannah! I'd like to moisturize her feet with my saliva.

Jeff

Don't you get it? None of them matter. Chuck may try to replace her...but when he's with Sarah, the light in his eyes shines brightly.

Big Mike

[tearing up] Damn onions.

Jeff

[Jeffster have been following Shaw's meeting with the ring] Stalkers log, Stalkee is behind a gray van, with another male, possibly for a sexual encounter. Both men are physically fit, should be lively.

Lester

Jeffrey. Don't make me afraid to be alone with you.

Lester

I'm just gonna say it: I need a woman. It's been far too long, Jeffrey. A man has needs.

Jeff

So what's the plan?

Lester

I will be hitting on all the applicable women in Electronics, DVDs, and all around the entrances, and the emergency exits.

Jeff

You're leaving me Home Appliances? It's full of lumpy housewives. My favorite.

Lester

You're welcome.

Lester

Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this--I don't really--but Morgan is in, a, umm...a very bad place.

Anna

Oh, my God, is he okay?

Jeff

No. He's focused, responsible, driven. Pains me to see a man end up like that.

Lester

It's pathetic.

Casey

Hey, you seen Grimes?

Lester

Lost your friend, did you? Can't find him 'cause he's changed so much? But you can't help but think about the days you guys used to drink together and hold each other for hours and hours just talking about even the silliest little things. Those days are no more.

Lester

Um, listen, we have a few questions regarding these Halloween decorations. Um, What are we allowed to show?

Morgan

What do you mean?

Jeff

I know a really good morgue that gives discounts on unclaimed merchandise. May-be we could sprickle some cold dead ones in here.

Morgan

Right, I'm gonna say no on the the dead bodies.

Jeff

So, what, I just lose my deposit?

Lester

Ew...pregnant women.

Jeff

Ooh...pregnant women.

Jeff

[in the basement, seeing paint on the back of Lester's shirt] What the...? [He turns around and feels and smells the wall] It's still wet.

Lester

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Jeff

Remember when I was in Pine Ridge?

Lester

The...mental institution? Yeah.

Jeff

It was so dreary, they'd actually put fake backdrops in the windows.

Lester

That's pretty cruel.

Jeff

I always knew it was fake.

Lester

Um, where are we going with this, buddy?

Jeff

[grabs a dumbbell] I guess what I'm trying to say is...it's not always easy to trick a mental patient. [He punches through the wall with the dumbbell and discovers the Castle, where Chuck, Sarah and Morgan are sitting] I knew it! We were right! Lester!

Lester

Jeffrey!

Morgan

Oh, crap. I mean, we've got a problem.

Chuck

Yeah, I'd call it that.

Jeff

Exactly what did you do?

Lester

Sugared the gas tank. It's an oldie, but a goodie. Man, I haven't sugged a tank in days. Anyway, now that they are incapacitated in the mobile sense, we need a plan.

Jeff

It should be keen and clever. Utilizing our unique talents.

Lester

Do we have any of those?

Jeff

I think you are uniquely wasteful and destructive.

Lester

Let's build on that.

Chuck

[about Jeff and Lester] I've worked with those guys for years. They may seem like botulism victims, but they're loyal. They can do it.

Casey

Lester, I'm gonna tell you something I never dreamed I'd tell you. Never dreamed I'd have to tell you. But the situation is extreme. This is Colonel John Casey of the National Security Agency.

Lester

That is so funny. There's a John Casey who works at Buy More.

Casey

That's me you idiot. I'm NSA. Sarah Walker, Chuck Bartowski, they're CIA.

Lester

They are so not.

Casey

They are "so" so, you colossal dope. Now I need you. My daughter needs you. And your country needs you.

Lester

Canada?

Casey

Patel, listen up. You do what I tell you, I'll make you a hero.

Lester

It's the call.

Casey

Go to my Crown Vic.

Lester

You're outgunned, outmanned, outside. And it's a lovely day. So throw down your gun and nobody gets hurt.

You're the one who should be worried about getting hurt.

Lester

Ah. [point to Jeff]

Jeff

Behold the flames of destiny. Ha, ha. [Jeff using flamethrower]