Woody Boyd quotes from Cheers

[interviewing candidate Woody] So what you're saying is there are no easy answers.

Woody

Well, not for me there aren't.

Frasier

[after a night of drinking Carla's special drinks] Woody, you had as much of that vile brew as the rest of us. How can you be so chipper this morning?

Woody

Oh, it's because of the old Hanover hangover cure. Very simple: first, put on your pajamas; then, take an aspirin with a glass of cold water; and then, you vomit 'til your nose bleeds and heave until you see the angels. Wake up in the mornin', you feel brand new. Boy, I am hungry. Anybody for some chili dogs?

Norm

Okay, okay, but only two.

Sam

[on the phone with Rebecca] I'll be over as soon as I can. [hangs up] Shoot.

Woody

Who was that?

Sam

Ah, it's Rebecca; she's all upset. Your father-in-law invited her over to his place to listen to music tonight. She thought she was supposed to be his date; got all dressed up in a fancy dress. Turns out she's only there to tend bar.

Woody

How could she make that mistake?

Sam

Oh, come on, Woody. Put yourself in her position: you know, attractive guy asks you over to his place to listen to some music, wants you to wear a fancy dress... you'd go wouldn't you?

Woody

Oh, no. No, my high school drama teacher tried that one on me. "Once bitten, twice shy," my friend.

Rebecca

Do you know what I am. I'm a phony. I'm a great big phony. Pretending like I liked Mahler just so some rich guy would ask me out. I don't even know his first name.

Woody

Gustav. Gustav Mahler.

Diane

[to Woody] What's new in your life?

Woody

Oh, well, you know, I, uh, got married and I'm gonna have a kid.

Diane

Wonderful.

Woody

Yeah. Oh, I just got elected to the Boston City Council.

Diane

[amazed, in disbelief] How nice. And I'm next in line for the throne of England.

Woody

Well, you know, maybe we'll work together someday... hammer out a treaty or somethin'.

Sam

I keep askin' myself: what is the point to life?

Woody

Whew. That's a tough question.

Cliff

Ehh. Well, I got the answer.

Frasier

Somehow I knew you would.

Cliff

Comfortable shoes.

Frasier

Shoes?

Cliff

Yeah. If you're not wearin' comfortable shoes, life is just chaos. I mean the greatest accomplishments in history have been made by men wearin' accommodating shoes. Uh, Frasier, tell me, who do you think is the greatest thinker in all mankind?

Frasier

I don't know, uh... Aristotle.

Cliff

There you go: sandals. Perhaps the most comfortable shoe there is. You hardly even know you have them on. I mean Confucius: thongs. Einstein: loose loafers.