Paige Matthews quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

She was engaged to a warlock.

Paige

Dan was a warlock?

Phoebe

Oh no, before Dan. Way before Dan. Two bankers, a rock climber and a ghost before Dan. And actually the ghost was the best of the bunch.

Paige

See, now that's what I call critical sisterly information. How am I meant to be petty and judgemental without all the info.

Phoebe

I was under a spell. Evil

Paige

Evil? You were blonde!

Phoebe

Wait a minute. You just said something.

Paige

I did? Was it smart?

Piper

Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Tea? A saucer of milk?

Phoebe

Very funny.

Paige

A little funny.

No, I'm fine. Although, I wouldn't mind some kibble. If you've got any.

Piper

That's not funny.

Piper

You color-coded the Book of Shadows?

Paige

Uh huh.

Paige

Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper.

Piper

It is if you're good at it!

You know, Paige, we think that you need to get back to your...

Wild side!

Paige

Girls, you might just have a point.

You're right, she is the one.

Paige

The one for what?

The one to help us find our new Satyr.

Paige

[mouths] What are you doing?

Phoebe

[yells] I lost my hearing during the biggest of my life! I can't hear a thing! [Paige motions to Phoebe to quieten down] What!? I can't hear you! [Paige motions again to quieten down and points to her ear. Phoebe lowers her voice] Oh, okay, okay. I need your help. Magic has got to be behind this. [Paige scratches her head and side and acts like a monkey] What are you doing? Oh, I get it! I get it! Charades! Okay, ya, ya. [Paige acts like a monkey again] You're a monkey. [Paige nods] Okay. You're a monkey. [Paige gets a ferocious look on her face] Ooh, you're an angry monkey. You're pissed, you're... PMS monkey? [Paige looks at her oddly] No, no, of course not. Okay. [Paige makes an invisible ball with her hands and throws it] Ball? [She then makes an explosion with her hands] Fireball! [She acts out the monkey again and the fireball] A demon monkey stole my hearing! [Phoebe points to her ear, Paige points to her mouth.] And your voice too? [Paige nods] Oh, honey!

Piper

Everything okay?

Paige

Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life.

Phoebe

You're making a love potion?

Paige

No, I'm making a stun potion.

Piper

So that lovers will be stunned by you?

Paige

No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.

Phoebe

You're in love with a Kazi demon'?

Paige

[sighing exasperatedly] Stay with me, people.

Piper

Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!

Grams

Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe

Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!

Paige

(in disbelief) You didn't know?

Grams

Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?

Leo

(offended) Wrong?

Grams

(backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.

Piper

(determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!

I always sorta thought this stuff was real, you know, I just didn't really know it was really real. Oh my God, my wife is going to love this!

Paige

Excuse me?

Did I just say wife?

Paige

You're married? You never told me you were married.

I didn't tell you that I had children either, but...

Grams

And, you know, men are just so...

Paige

Evil! That's what they are. They are just plain evil.

Piper

Oh. I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.

Paige

Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.

Piper

He's married?

Paige

Yeah. With two kids.

Piper

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Grams

I told you she should have gotten a dog.

Paige

Ghosts can still feel pain. Maybe I can just orb his testicles somewhere.

Piper

Paige there will be no talk of testicle orbing in front of the child

Leo

Not around his daddy either.

Piper

Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?

Phoebe

Right.

Piper

Okay, well, now she's dead!

Paige

You sound so happy about that.