Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Esposito

Yeah. What are the odds?

Castle

Long, unless they're connected.

Esposito

Well, four years between murders. One's a popsicle, one just got popped. How could they possibly be connected?

Castle

Maybe he and his wife got into something they couldn't get out of. Maybe something to do with a drug habit.

Ryan

So some skell waits four years to finish the job?

Castle

Maybe he finally figured out what happened to his wife and was about to go the police with it.

Ryan

I don't believe it.

Castle

Give me 250 pages, I bet I could make you.

Beckett

We're solving a murder, Castle, not writing a book.

Castle

I would call it, A Chill Runs Through Her Veins.

Esposito

Ooh, I like that.

Castle

Heh! [Two slap hands] "Bam" said the lady, another bestseller for me.

Castle

I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell: the hell of a deep-fried twinkie.

Ryan

Deep-fried twinkie?

Castle

Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,

Ah!

Castle

But a deep-fried twinkie everyday is... [gags]

Beckett

Castle!

Castle

What?

Beckett

Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.

Castle

I don't think he can hear me.

Beckett

Okay, how about a little self-respect then?

Castle

...Fine.

Beckett

If she's so bad, why did you have sex with her this morning?

Castle

Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.

Beckett

How shallow are you?

Castle

[soberly] Very.

Beckett

[to Castle] Stay down!

Castle

You stay down!

Beckett

I can't shoot him from down here.

Castle

Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!

Castle

[introducing the team] Meredith, these are Detectives Ryan, Esposito and Detective Beckett.

Oh, Beckett. Your new muse. Alexis told me all about it, and I simply had to stop by. You know, I was his inspiration once.

Beckett

Were you, now?

Still am, from time to time. Right, kitten?

Beckett

[grinning] Kitten?

Castle

I had this dream once, only I was naked and far less embarrassed.

Castle

We're looking for a yoga studio nearby with a class that ended about 3:00.

Beckett

Maybe the woman was on her way to yoga class.

Castle

You ever try doing a half-moon pose cranked up on caffeine? Completely throws off your chi.

Ryan

Why do you writers always call them "perps?"

Castle

Isn't that what you call them?

Ryan

Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...

Esposito

...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...

Ryan

...chud, turd...

Esposito

...destro, scall...

Ryan

...skexy, slicko, slick...

Esposito

...mope...

Ryan

...sleestak...

Castle

[writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!

Beckett

Suspects. We call them suspects.

Montgomery

I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."

Castle

Classic.

Beckett

The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.

Castle

Promise?

Alexis

My, dad, nervous for a date?

It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.

Martha

I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.

Because you'll show up.

Castle

How often are people killed in neighbourhoods like this?

Beckett

Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.

Castle

[shouting over Beckett's gunfire] Wouldn't it be more of a challenge if they weren't standing still?!

Beckett

[stops shooting] OK Castle, you show me how it's done.

Castle

Whoo!

Beckett

All yours. [Castle clears his throat as he takes a one handed stance with his right hand] It's not a duel, Scaramouche. [Beckett turns Castle around] Here. Square off of the target. Feet shoulder distance apart. OK, gauntlet your right fist in your left palm.

Castle

[Castle accidentally fires into the wall] Oh! Shot too soon.

Beckett

Yeah, well, you know we could always just cuddle, Castle.

Castle

Oh, funny, and a smile. Good. [Castle fires again, missing the target]

Beckett

[sounding dubious] Well, that's better.

Castle

Hmm. You know I, uh, came down to ask you if I could, uhh, take home some of those stolen property photos.

Beckett

Photos of the jewellery? Why?

Castle

I dunno, I just thought it might spark something. [shoots again, hitting the target in the groin area] Oooh! That kinda hurt!

Beckett

Tell you what. You put any of the next three in the ten ring and I will give you the files.

Castle

Yeah?

Beckett

Yeah.

Castle

[smugly] You're a very good teacher.

[to Beckett] Do us a favor. Beat his pants off.

Castle

Yes, beat my pants off if you dare.

Beckett

I'm gonna make you hurt.

Castle

Oh, you're gonna get hurt.

Beckett

What are we playing for?

Castle

Pride...or clothing.

Beckett

I think I have a bag of gummy bears in my desk...

Beckett

It's Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?

Castle

Wouldn't you be jealous if I were?

Beckett

In your dreams.

Castle

Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join-- [Beckett shoves bear claw in Castle's mouth]

Beckett

Oh, do you want to see grumpy? How about the cover art for your new novel?

Castle

Nikki Heat cover art? That's only available to... [Beckett starts walking away] oh my God, you subscribed to my website? Wait a minute... are you Castlefreak1212? Castlelover45?

Beckett

You do realize that most people would be creeped by crazy anonymous fans?

Castle

Like you?

Beckett

It was strictly professional curiosity.

Castle

So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? pretty sweet, right?

Beckett

"Sweet?" She's naked!

Castle

She's not naked! She's holding a gun... strategically.