Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Kate Beckett

Exactly how many times have you been married, Castle?

Twice.

Kate Beckett

That's it?

Isn't that enough? How about you?

Kate Beckett

Me? No, never been.

Really?

Kate Beckett

Yep.

You'd be good at it. You're both controlling and disapproving.

Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.

Alexis

I'm a rebel. I kick it old school.

Castle

[In order to get Brandon to admit to his crime] If only Max had been strong enough just to man up... If only Donny realized he didn't belong with you guys anymore, he and Amanda were through, well, then none of this would have been necessary. (Lowered voice) Weak people just don't get it, do they, Brandon? Sometimes they just have to be led to the truth.

(Whispers) Exactly. [Unknowingly admitting to his crime]

Castle

[Smiling at Beckett] Did he just say "exactly"?

Style section. Anything I need to know?

Alexis

The '70s are back.

Hmm. They're like the Highlander, they just won't die.

Castle

What's the class?

Martha

Introduction to life coaching. It's... it's always been my desire to make a difference, whether on stage or off. And I have had cards made, haha.

Castle

It says here I'm your client.

Martha

Well of course you are, haven't I been telling you what to do your whole life?

Beckett

Do you know the school?

Castle

Oh, I've been kicked out of all of New York's finer educational institutions at least once. The irony is, now that I'm rich and famous, they all claim me as alum and want money.

Beckett

[sarcastically] It is just so rough being you.

Castle

My cross to bear.

Do you do drugs?

Alexis

No.

Are you sure? 'Cause you can tell me.

Alexis

Dad, am I lethargic and uncharacteristically irritable?

No.

Alexis

Are my eyes bloodshot for no apparent reason?

No, except when you're sick.

Alexis

Well, that's an apparent reason.

Right.

Beckett

[interrogating a suspect] Witnesses don't place you in the club until one in the morning, and Horn was murdered between eleven and twelve.

Castle

[watching Beckett from behind one-way glass] Here it comes, and...

Beckett

So, where were you between eleven and twelve, Mr. Creason?

Castle

Booyah.

I was asleep.

Castle

Asleep!? You are lame! [heard from other side of glass] You are so lame! You're a lamey, McLamester! You're so l-l-l- [back in room] LAME!

Lanie

Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer boy?

Beckett

What? He is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-

Lanie

Fun. And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. I mean, how bad can he be?

Beckett

[answers phone] Beckett.

Castle

[excitedly] Guess who's got a date with a prostitute!

Beckett

What kind of a name is "Nikki Heat"?

Castle

A cop name.

Beckett

It's a stripper name.

Castle

Well, I told you she was kind of slutty.

Beckett

Change it, Castle.

Castle

Wait. Hang on a second. Think of the titles. "Summer Heat", "Heat Wave", "In Heat"...

Beckett

Change the name!

Alexis

I don't get it. If Creason didn't do it, then how does the rug fit in?

Killer probably heard about the feud between the two of them and tried to shift suspicion, which is stupid, because without the rug, it would've just looked like a mugging gone wrong.

Alexis

So by trying to look smart, they were actually being stupid.

I think you just described the human condition.

Alexis

Hey.

Hey. Finished your homework?

Alexis

Yeah.

You wanna finish mine?

Alexis

Well, that depends. How much you offering to pay me?

Oh, I taught you well.

Beckett

[about a frozen body] She's melting.

Castle

Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers.

Castle

All right, so you and I are married.

Beckett

We are not married.

Castle

Relax, it's just pretend.

Beckett

I don't wanna pretend.

Castle

Scared you'll like it?

Beckett

Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.

Are you two like this all the time?

Yes.

Castle

You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.

Beckett

That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.