Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Beckett

[Castle and Beckett in elevator at the police station] Six months.

Castle

Six months what?

Beckett

[about FBI agent Will Sorenson] We dated for six months.

Castle

I didn't ask.

Beckett

Yeah, I know. You were not-asking very loudly.

Castle

I know. I'm like a Jedi like that.

Beckett

Oh, for God's sake. [referring to Sorenson and Castle] Why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?

Castle

I'm game.

Beckett

Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?

Castle

Biological. We can't help it.

Beckett

But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?

Castle

Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.

Beckett

I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.

Castle

Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!

Castle

[Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.

Beckett

What do you mean?

Castle

You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.

Ryan

I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.

Castle

What did he do?

Ryan

Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.

Castle

[to Beckett] What did your dad do?

Beckett

[pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.

Castle

How was your date when you finally came out?

Beckett

You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.

Castle

Nope! And now it's my turn...

Ryan

What are you planning?

Castle

Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

Martha

Nothing you say will change how we feel. What men don't understand is the right clothes, the right shoes, the right make up, it hides the flaws we think we have, and make us look beautiful to our selves, that's what makes us look beautiful to others.

Castle

Used to be all she needed to look beautiful was a pink tutu and a plastic tiara.

Martha

we spend our whole live trying to feel that way again.

Castle

[About what he found about Beckett's mother] What was I suppose to do? Not tell her what I found?

Lanie

[Surprised] What you found?

Castle

Oh she didn't tell you, did she? Three people were killed the same way her mother was, right about the same time. One of them was a former law student of hers, another one a documents clerk, the third one a lawyer for a non-profit.

Lanie

Wait, the M.E. at the time didn't make the connection?

Castle

If he did, he buried it.

Lanie

Did you talk to him?

Castle

He died four years ago. So you see why I had to tell her.

Esposito

You know what I don't get? Who would steal a dead body?

Castle

Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.

Beckett

Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.

Castle

Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?

Lanie

[examining Castle after the car crash] He'll live.

Ryan

What, no brain damage?

Lanie

If he has some, it happened way before tonight and was probably self-inflicted.

Castle

Ahh, good times.

Beckett

[written on a therapist's body] "Psycho the rapist your out of time"?

Lanie Parish

Looks like a patient lost their patience.

Castle

Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."

Beckett

You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?

Castle

I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.

Castle

Listen, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, I just-

Beckett, you are never gonna believe this.

Beckett

Oh, the bar on "unbelievable" is pretty high right now.

The vic's husband took out a three-million dollar life insurance policy on his wife last month.

Beckett

[to Castle] $100 on us.

Castle

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Beckett

Are we really rooting against solving a murder?

Castle

Well, I don't want to shave my head! Do you?

Beckett

Why would I shave my head?

Castle

You're in on the bet, aren't you?

Beckett

Yeah, but I didn't realize-

Castle

[imitates electric razor]

Beckett

We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.

Esposito

All right.

Castle

[a thought strikes him] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.

Beckett

You take our murder, we'll take yours.

Castle

Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.

Esposito

What are you getting at, Castle?

Castle

Strangers on a Train.

Ryan

The Hitchcock movie?

Castle

I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?

Esposito

Right.

Castle

We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?

Beckett

Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.

Castle

And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims that are connected, it's our murderers. Crisscross!

Esposito

Lanie ran the substance on our vics against the Hudson River water. It's a match.

Ryan

Marx gets on the boat uptown, Cosway joins him at Chelsea Piers, and they ride to Pier 11 together.

Castle

So one day, maybe they start talking. Maybe about the Yankee bullpen, maybe about the attractive secretary leaning up against the railing. Oh, and Jason starts grumbling about his wife. Eric maybe mentions how he covets Frank's apartment.

Esposito

Yeah, well, there's an open upper deck. I figure that's where they were doing their plottin'.

Beckett

And how the water from the Hudson got on both of them.

Castle

It gets transferred from Eric Marx's jacket and gloves to Ashley Cosway when they struggle.

Esposito

Then to Frank Anderson when Jason Cosway swipes his watch and wallet.

Ryan

Done deal.

Beckett

Except it's all circumstantial. The DA will never buy it without hard evidence or a confession.

Esposito

Oh, we're gonna get a confession.

Castle

Not if we get one first.

Ryan

So, bet's back on?

Beckett

[getting in his face] You bet your britches the bet is back on.

Alexis

Take me with you!

To a crime scene?

Alexis

It'd be educational. Please?

Find your own hiding place.