Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Beckett

So you can play dumb, or you can play ball.

Castle

Pun intended.

Beckett

I don't know...me in a swimsuit under the hot, blistering sun.

Castle

I'd be happy to rub lotion on you.

Castle

What is it with professional sports? Even the agencies are on steroids.

Beckett

Fox's client list is a veritable who's-who of star athletes. Five percent of their endorsements and salaries? You could pay for half of lower Manhattan.

Castle

...did you just use the word "veritable?"

Beckett

Yes, I did.

Castle

Sexy.

Beckett

You should hear me say "fallacious."

Castle

We should get a warrant, run his subscribers against any hate mail that the Vegas might have gotten.

Montgomery

You sure you got no cop in the Castle family tree?

Castle

No, us Castles are mostly con artists and circus folk, sir.

Montgomery

No, I think there's a little cop in there somewhere.

Castle

Maybe it was the Cuban government all along. They hated Vega for defecting, so they sent a beautiful spy for him to fall in love with. It works. He smuggles her back home, and bam, he's dead.

Montgomery

Sounds like a Castle story.

Castle

I'll call it "Corazon de Fuego."

Castle

Maybe our killer has a sweet tooth.

Beckett

Given the state of undress I would say it's more likely a sexual fetish.

Lanie

I can do the chocolate. I will even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel? I prefer slippery to sticky.

Castle

[To Ryan] Does she know we can hear her?

Beckett

[On the phone] Hi, my name is Kate, and my boyfriend has been a very bad boy. [Castle smirks] Yes, that's right. His name's Ricky.

Castle

What're you doin'? [Chasing after Beckett who is still on the phone]

Beckett

Actually, a friend of mine recommended a Mistress Venom - is she available tonight? 4pm? Sure, that's perfect, thank you.

Castle

OK, that's very funny, now call her back!

Beckett

Uh-uh Castle, this is the perfect way to get Venom without tipping our hand. [Starting to walk away and turns around] What's the matter Castle, you afraid of a little role play? [Smirking]

Castle

Yeah, you better run!

Welcome to Lady Irena's House Of Pain, how can I serve you?

Beckett

[Shouting at Castle] Well, answer her! [to the receptionist] You see what I have to deal with? My boyfriend Ricky has an appointment at 4pm with Mistress Venom.

Will you be joining her?

Beckett

Oh yes! I've been dying to watch him squirm!

Mistress Venom will be delighted to have an audience. Follow me please.

Beckett

Do you think we could gag him?

Castle

[Looking concerned] Remember, my safe word is Apples!

Beckett

Castle, why don’t you sit this one out? I think Mr. Caraway will respond better to a strong…[zips up her jacket] …female hand.

Castle

Sam-I-Am. In a box. With a fox. We’re gonna need some popcorn.

Well, we both learned a valuable lesson today. You learned that you can expand your horizons and grow. I learned that, if that involves short skirts and boys, [sternly] I’m not going to like it.

Alexis

Fair enough.

Castle

Ask me why I'm here.

Beckett

You know, I ask myself that question every day.

Castle

Quick, who do you want to play you in the Nikki Heat movie?

Lanie

[As if it's the most obvious answer in the world] Halle Berry.

Castle

See? Some people are just great at that game! You know who we could get for you? Angelina? No. Kate Beckett… Kate Beckinsale. We'll call you K-Becks!

What is he doing?

Beckett

He, uh, touches things.

Castle

Night vision goggles. Think I have the newer model though. Maybe in my third book, Nikki Heat will cross paths with a good looking yet cold-hearted FBI profiler. Call it Federal Heat. [Both Beckett and Jordan glare at him] …Or maybe not.

So how long have you two been sleeping together?

Beckett

Um, we're, we're not sleeping together. We, he just observes me.

Yeah, I've seen the way he observes you.

Castle

No, she's right. Aside from my second wife, this is most sexless relationship I've ever been in.

I've been profiling people for a long time. I'm hardly ever wrong.

Beckett

Well, this time you are. Wrong.

So if you're not sleeping together, why do you keep him around?

Castle

You know I can hear you.

Beckett

He's actually proven to be surprisingly helpful.

Huh, I'll take your word on that. [Sees Castle playing with a Taser ] Put. The Taser. Down.

Castle

[After Tasering a running suspect] See, I'm helping.

Yeah, I'll buy you an ice cream later.

Castle

I'm here to protect you.

Beckett

What, with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?