And you're loving playing nursemaid?
Oh, yeah!
So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
S2 E11Ted
Vampires are creeps.
Yes, that's why one slays them.
I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am--
Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's favorite show", and "Ted's teaching me computers", and "Ted said the funniest thing", and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom", and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the time.
So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?
I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
No, but maybe your mom does.
Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?
Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?
My dad? Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?
Kiss me.
Finally, something I wanna do!
[about Ted] So far, all I see is someone who supposedly has a good job, and is nice and polite, and my mother really likes him.
What kind of a monster is he?
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
I just wanna learn stuff.
Like how to build your own serial killer?
Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have...
What, a license to kill?
Well, not for fun! But she's, like, this Superman! Shouldn't there be different rules for her?
Sure, in a fascist society.
Right! Why can't we have one of those?
Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair.
Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt, it... it's, it's pretty hard to bear, and it won't go away soon.
I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?
Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible.
So, I'm Ted, the sickly loser. I'm dying, and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted. He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker o' love until she dies, and then he keeps bringing her back over and over. Now, now that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.
The sad part is, the real Ted must have been a genius. There were design features in that robot that predate--
Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Not any, big ones.
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good.
I just wanna learn stuff.
Like how to build your own serial killer?
Well, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
Can't we just drop the subject?
Absolutely. I plan to forget the whole thing and pick up right where we left off. Okay. That's it. I give up. Do I have to sound an air horn everytime I walk into a room? I mean, what is it with grown-ups these days?
[Xander and Cordelia snickering]
S2 E12Bad Eggs
It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.
But I looked good in it.
You looked like a streetwalker.
But a thin streetwalker. (pauses) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
You're just too young to wear that.
Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.
That's the idea.
Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
I think the word you're searching for is absent.
Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
No, it's your baby!
Okay, I get it even less.
You know it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg, it's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
My egg is Jewish.
Then teach it that dreidel song.
Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]
Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. A pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
You boiled your young?
I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
A little of both might be appropriate.
So you don't think about the future?
No.
Never?
No.
You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you.
I know the feeling.
S2 E13Surprise
[Buffy tells Angel about her dream, in which Drusilla kills him.]
Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
I dreamt ... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
You see my point?
[Buffy prods Willow about her interest in Oz.]
Oh, I don't know, though. He is a senior.
You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.
...
You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. Make a move. Do the talking thing.
Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward-silence thing?
I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes."
Yeah, it helps. It ... it creates a comfort zone. ... Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
[slaps forehead] Oh! I can't!
Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
Oh ... It's just, it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party.
It's okay.
But you could come! If you wanted.
Well, I don't want to crash.
No, it's fine! You could be my ... my date.
All right. I'm in. [nods farewell when she indicates she's ready to leave]
[walks off, delighted with the encounter] I said "date"!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.