TV show quotes
I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
I... never have.
You don't know how to kill this thing.
I thought I might try violence.
Solid call.
Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.
Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... nice!
Oh, no, no. No. Not cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was "I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.
I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.
I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.
[about the ghost of James] He's-he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. What exactly those are, I'm not...
He wants forgiveness.
Yes. I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... Forgiveness is impossible.
Good. He doesn't deserve it.
To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.
No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.
He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.
[as Angel viciously scrubs his face] You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated.
What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you.
What was it? A demon?
[still washing his face] Love!
Poor Angel.
Last month he's the freak with jicama breath who waxes his back. He wins a few meets and suddenly inherits the cool gene?
Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
We're number one!
That is wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our Ds.
Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
And what about that nutty "all men are created equal" thing?
Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
I think that was Lincoln.
Disgusting mole and stupid hat.
Actually, it was Jefferson.
Kept slaves. Remember?
Tell me what's in the steam!
After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA in their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon, mako shark... But they couldn't crack it.
And you did... sort of. Why?
What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a shot at the State Championship?
Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any Swim Team.
Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
No. I was in the line for shred of sanity. (Coach Marin pulls out a gun, aiming at her) Which you obviously skipped.
So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness.
...
So we're looking for a beastie.
That, uh, eats humans whole, except for the skin.
This doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, the skin's the best part.
Any demons with high cholesterol? [Giles looks at her] You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh!
I wouldn't break out the tartar sauce just yet. It's not like you were exposed more than once. Twice?
Three times a Fish Guy.
Oh.
Whoa!
What am I gonna do?
You, you, you! What about me?! It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the Creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Black Lagoon! The Creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you so much for your support!
I think we'd better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut.
Great. This is just what my reputation needs - that I "did it" with the entire Swim Team.
Let's see, I got to take a makeup chem test at 3:00. And then I'm meeting some of the guys for plasma transfusions at 5:00. It's turned into quite the busy afternoon.
The fun never stops with you, does it?
Giles seems pretty confident that the treatments are gonna work.
Well, turning into a creepy-crawly wasn't on my top ten list of thing to do before I turn 20.
I want you to know that you've really proven yourself to me. And you don't have to join the new team next year if you don't want. I'd be just as happy if you played football.
The-the people from animal control have just left. Our creatures have apperently made a-a dash for it. Um, so to speak.
Does that mean we're gonna have to hunt them again?
No, I don't think so. I don't think we'll be seeing them anymore.
Where do you think they'll go?
Home.
Are we having a chair shortage?
I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.
These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom.
Yeah, where they teach lunch.
Just give me a reason to kick you out, Summers. Just give me a reason. [walks away]
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
Sums it up.
Don't you think?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
