Rosa Diaz quotes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So what was it like getting hit by a bus?

It was awesome.

I knew it! I always wanted to get hit by a bus.

Yeah, I mean, I was legally dead for two full minutes. And I met God.

Diaz

Tight. What does She look like?

Ethnically ambiguous.

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Diaz

Are they gonna be looking at our desks? Also, unrelated, someone left a bunch of swords at my desk.

Hitchcock

I have a similar question about browser history.

Just throw your computer away.

Hitchcock

Roger that.

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I see you filming, Linetti! What's in the yogurt?

Normal stuff. Nothing you'd use to make a sidewalk with.

Attention, squad. I just got word from Peralta and Boyle.

Amy

Did they make their bust? Did they save the precinct?

No, they decided to bring in a bigger fish. They're not gonna make the hearing.

Diaz

So Jake's doing the right thing instead of the selfish thing? [To Amy] You did this to him.

Look, I know we want this precinct to survive, but I'm proud of them. Loyalty to your friends and fellow officers is important, but what's more important is our loyalty to this city, and its citizens. I guess what I'm trying to say is... let's go get drunk.

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[The detectives are meeting at a bar after the 99th Precinct was saved at the last minute]

Apparently the community came to our aid. There was a swell of online support orchestrated by an organization called "Ginazone".

I think you mean "Ginazon". I was behind the bar the whole time. Another great Gina Linetti entrance.

BBartender

I told you- you can't be back here.

And I told you- I already am!

What did you do?

I was live-streaming a prank when Captain Holt made his big speech about how you did the right thing for the city. I guess people were moved, they were like, "What can we do to help?" and I said "Call the Commissioner's office."

The G-Hive is real! I can't believe you did it! Gina, you're a legend! To the Nine-Nine!

HTHolt, Terry, Scully, Hitchcock, Amy, Diaz, Boyle

To the Nine-Nine!

[Everyone drinks the toast but immediately spits out the beer bottles' contents.]

[live-streaming the prank with her phone] Y'ALL JUST DRANK CEMEEEEENT!

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Diaz

So she's stress-braiding. Big deal. That's like a one on the Santiago panic scale.

Yeah, but we've also jumped up to level two: creepily singing songs from The Great American Songbook. [In a flashback, Amy sits up creepily singing "You're a Grand Old Flag" while Jake lies awake listening.] So, yeah, it's a little tough right now, but I think the worst is behind us.

Amy

WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG TO COOK MY FRICKIN' OATMEAL?!

[Amy picks up the microwave, throws it on the floor, pulls out her collapsible baton, and starts beating and stomping the microwave.]

She'll be okay.

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Ocampo got away. [Looks at one of the two men Diaz has caught] What happened to him?

Diaz

Dumb-dumb tried to jump down the stairs. Shattered his ankle. Foot's all floppy.

Great. Let's get 'em back to the 9-9, see if Floppy Foot and his friend know where our man's hiding.

MHMelanie Hawkins

They don't know anything. They're undercover cops.

Diaz

Crap, that's Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins.

I know; she's literally my hero. Hello, Lieutenant Hawkins!

You idiots just ruined a three-month operation.

My name is Detective Ignatius Pettyfeather IX! That's I-G- [Hawkins gives him a look of disgust and walks away.] Nacious...

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Diaz

This place is awesome. I've always wanted to work in a covert facility.

I know; we're in a black site, Rosa. I bet they have some awesome name for it.

Welcome to The Slaughterhouse.

Told ya. Hey, listen- we know you told us to stop looking for Ocampo, but we figured we'd find him for you, try and make things right.

It's all good. I'm not mad. I checked out your files; you guys do good stuff. I think you guys might be our best option at finding this guy again. You think you can do that?

Diaz

Can a paring knife remove a human heart in under a minute?

Yes. I've seen it happen.

Lucky.

So, why don't you both come back tomorrow and we'll start working this together? And who knows- if you find the guy, I got an open spot on my squad. Maybe one of you could fill it.

Or, maybe one of us could fill it.

Excuse me?

What you said, better. Rosa, leave now?

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Diaz

What's up?

So, not sure if Paxton told you, but we brought in a perp earlier.

Diaz

Good-looking guy, weird energy.

Yeah, did you get anything?

No, he didn't know jack. But we surprisingly noticed that there was a camera in the room.

Diaz

And we really need that footage.

Why?

Let's just say, in the course of questioning him, he may have accidentally fallen down a couple of times.

Diaz

He's real clumsy.

If the wrong person saw that tape, they might get the wrong idea.

You know, I saw the tape. And it was shocking- how clumsy that guy actually was.

Right?

And you know the funny thing is, I meant to save the file, but I deleted it by accident.

Diaz

Guess we're all a little clumsy.

Yes, indeed. I stepped on my omelette this morning. Not pertinent. Let's continue with our covert conversation.

You know, a bunch of us are going out drinking tonight. You wanna come?

I should warn you- me and Rosa go pretty hard.

Great; bring some coke.

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Diaz, I've been calling you. Why won't you answer your phone?

Diaz

Don't have it. Charged it and stuck it on a truck headed west.

What's with the suitcase?

Diaz

Going to Malaysia.

You're going to Malaysia?

Diaz

No, the suitcase is going to Malaysia. I'm getting on a bus to Florida.

What's in Florida?

Diaz

Airport. I'm flying to Argentina.

This is very complicated.

Diaz

Thank you. Adrian has a ranch in the Andes where he goes when he's on the run. He's already there, getting rid of the scorpions. Or... adding more scorpions. I don't know, the reception was real bad.

Diaz, I know you're scared. But things are starting to turn around. We're on the money trail, and we just found a new lead.

Diaz

With all due respect, sir, we both know that none of that is gonna pan out. And you said yourself that I should take action. So I am. In Argentina, surrounded by scorpions. Or not surrounded by scorpions. I'll find out when I get there.

Look, I know you're innocent, but fleeing the country is a crime. I could arrest you right here!

Diaz

Do it, then. [Holt stares at her but does nothing] I didn't think so. [Tosses Holt an apartment key] The mortgage is paid off. You can give the place to whoever you want. I don't care. Actually, I do care. Don't give it to Hitchcock.

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So how's prison?

Rosa

Nobody likes cops in here so I had to earn their respect by starting a bunch of riots, I got thrown in solitary for a week, what's going on with your face?

I hate seeing you like this so I'm flexing my eyes real hard to keep from crying. It's okay, we can still have a normal conversation. So, how's the food?

Pay no attention to him, Rosa. He's very emotional, Rosa.

Rosa

Why are you saying my first name?

Well, Rosa... I read an article on the medical journal that said one destabilizing aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanization, Rosa. You need to be reminded that you're more than just a number, Rosa. You are Rosa... Rosa.

Rosa

Yeah, that fixes prison.

Is there anything we can do to help you? Anything you need done on the outside?

Rosa

No, I'm good.

It's not a problem...

...Rosa.