Eric Matthews quotes from Boy Meets World

Rachel

Eric, we really want you to come.

Eric

Well, how do you expect me to come back to a place where I had my heart ripped out of my chest and thrown around the room like it was a... a... like it... like a... nerf heart!

Rachel

[grabs his collar] I want you to forget about everything that happened between us and remember we're friends. And I want you to come to our party because it's for friends.

Eric

Will you be making tater tots?

Eric

Yeah, his name's Joshua.

Oh, how old is he?

Eric

I dunno, months or something.

[talking to his stuffed parrot] Polly want a cracker?

Eric

Polly want an autopsy!

Eric

Oh, wait Mr. Feeny! Great news; I don't have to sleep in your car any more.

Feeny

You've been sleeping in my car? Since when?

Eric

Since I got kicked out of the apartment. I usually wait for you and Dean Whats-her-head to go to bed and then I kinda curl up in the back seat. Unless, of course, I have company over.

Feeny

You have company in my car?!

Eric

Thursday's spaghetti night.

Eric

You know something, I'm gonna stand up to you, just like Feeny told me to. And then you're both gonna back down. You know why? 'Cause you are a bully by definition.

Would you like to fly through the air or go through the wall?

Eric

Hmm... Air, please. [Mankind picks him up and throws him] Woo-hoo!

Matthews!

Eric

Sir, yes sir!

You are a disgrace to this university, this country and humanity in general!

Eric

[flattered] Oh, wow!

[to Eric] Drop and give me twenty!

Eric

Fine. [drops to the floor and holds up a twenty-dollar bill] Dude, you better pay me back!

Feeny

Ah, the Tour de Idiot.

Eric

[phony Italian accent] Hi, I'm from-a Italy...

Feeny

Shut up.

Feeny

Eric, I am going to make this so simple that even you can understand it.

Eric

You can try.

Jack

Tell me what you're gonna do.

Eric

I'm gonna take the money to the bank, deposit it and come right back.

Jack

Very good, keep saying it.

Eric

Take the money to the bank, deposit it and come right back.

Jack

Keep saying it!

Eric

Take the money to the bank; deposit it and come right back.

Eric

Take my mommy to see Frank, clean my closet, take a nap. Where am I? [looks in wallet] Ooh, money.

Cory

Beans? You picked beans?

Shawn

What's the matter with beans?

Cory

Beans are not a wedding can!

Shawn

Why not?

Cory

Because beans do not say eternal love and happiness!

Eric

I know what they say!

Feeny

Hey, moron. Where're the tuxedos?

Eric

Oh, in the limo, baby!

Alan

What limo, baby?

Eric

Hey, you want to get be experimented on?

Jack

Yeah, sure.

Eric

[dressed as a woman] How do I look, babe?

Shawn

Yes on the dress, no on the face.

Eric

Too much make-up?

Shawn

Too much ugly.

Eric

Y'know, Jack, I'm having trouble opening this jar.

Jack

That's because it's a can.