Eric Matthews quotes from Boy Meets World

Topanga

Where does milk come from?

Eric

A carton!

Topanga

Be more specific.

Eric

A milk carton!

Alan

You took a job as a security guard?

Amy

Why would you possibly want to do that?

Eric

Oh, only for about ten reasons. One, walkie-talkies. Two, partner. Three, dog. Four, partner. Sometimes we switch partners. Five -- do you want me to keep going? Six, I pack heat!

Amy

You carry a gun?

Eric

Nope. A heater. Gets cold out there in the shed.

Eric

Mr. Feeny.

Feeny

What?

Eric

I heard you telling my parents you thought I was smart. Just hearing you say that is worth 1000 SAT points.

Cory

Eric, listen. I wouldn't underestimate these people, okay? I mean, they did get Shawn.

Eric

Cory, no offense to Shawn or anything, okay, but it takes a pretty weak-willed and gullible individual to succumb to this kind of blatant scam.

Hi, I'm Alicia. Welcome to The Centre. [hugs Eric]

Eric

[hands Alicia his wallet] Here's my money. Where's my room?

Jack

I don't want to talk about it, okay?

Eric

Yeah, well, I do! You took that out of my closet!

Jack

I'm just uncomfortable picking up girls.

Eric

Watch and learn. [gets very close to Jack's face with a weird smile]

Jack

What are you doing?

Eric

I'm loving you with my eyes.

Jack

Please don't.

Eric

Everybody's doing their part in this war. I want to help. I'm going back to that recruitment office and tell them that a little case of flat feet isn't gonna stop Eric Matthews from fighting those evil Canadians.

Alan

I have a feeling it's not the flat feet.

Eric

Sorry buddy, this seat's saved for [sigh] Monica.

Jack

What happened to [sigh] Bridgette?

Eric

She found out about [sigh] Monica.

Feeny

Now, why didn't I see that?

Eric

Well, Mr. Feeny, I'm in college. You're still in high school.

Cory

This year, no running around the house naked singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." I'm looking at you.

Eric

I only do it because people have come to expect it.

Jack

Hey. I didn't hear you come in last night. Must've had a pretty good time with your date, huh?

Eric

Evening began at seven. Started with some intimate pre-dinner conversation at a quaint little Mexican place I happen to know. Came back here and... let's just say my clothes were off within five minutes. [sips coffee]

Jack

You opened your big mouth, she walked out. You ate alone at Taco Bell, came home, took off all your clothes and were asleep by eight 'o'clock.

Eric

How'd you do?

Jack

Not as good.

Jack

This whole Valentine's Day thing is one big scam. The greeting card companies, the candy stores, all trying to rip off the innocent consumer.

Eric

No date, huh?

Feeny

I need you to proctor.

Eric

Me? Proctor? [dreamily] Proctor Matthews.

Feeny

You know what "proctor" is?

Eric

Yeah, it's a tushy doctor. Oh! Eeeeww, I'm not gonna do that!

Cory

(walks to the pencil line on the wall) We'll always remember he was this tall.

Eric

Oh my God! They killed Kenny!

Angela

Well, is any one of us safe??

Shawn

Yeah, virgins. Virgins never die.

Cory

All right! *to Topanga* Thanks for saving me.

Eric

*proud* I'm dead!

Jack

*resigned* I'm dead.

Shawn

Well, I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.

Angela

Feeny...he's dead.