Cory Matthews quotes from Boy Meets World

Cory

You're Stan? Stan the Plumber Man?

If I can't flush it...

Cory

No one can!

Shawn

[of a million-dollar marriage offer] Take the money.

Cory

But I love Topanga.

Shawn

We all do. Take the money.

Shawn

Hand me the rare Phoenician mallet. [Cory hands him a mace-like object] No, no, no, no. That's an early Egyptian dental tool. [Cory hands him a small, wooden hammer] Here we go [hits the jar's lid and the hammer head pops off] Phoenician piece of crap.

Cory

Shawn, you broke it. That's not part of the plan.

Shawn

I'll replace it! I see them all the time at Bed, Bath & Phoenician. [still can't open jar] Here, hand me the Byzantine statue of King Hopheratu. [Cory hands him a small, golden statue. Shawn hits it against the jar lid. It shatters] Home Shopping Channel! There are 6 billion of them left.

Cory

I hold in my hands the pinnacle of God's creation. Think fast! [tosses a brain at Shawn; it hits his chest and falls to the floor]

Shawn

[bends down to pick it up and comes up with two brain halves] You want personality or motor skills?

Cory

You were in my dream, Feeny. And you gave me advice that sucked!

Feeny

I am not responsible for Dream Feeny!

Topanga

Oh, by the way, my parents are coming into town.

Cory

"Oh, by the way, my parents are coming into town"? Oh, by the way, Captain Titanic, the ship's in two pieces!!

Shawn

Cory, before we actually start interfering with these people's lives, don't you think we should find out why they actually split up in the first place?

Cory

It's insignificant, Shawnie. It's unimportant. Okay, this is Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence. We've known these people all our lives. They're in love with each other and they do not want to split up. Trust me, I once caught him grabbing her tushy and going, "Ah-ooga!" [pumps arm]

Topanga

We had no idea planning a wedding would be so hard.

Cory

It's like riding a pogo stick in a mine field. BOOM! Boing. BOOM! Boing...

Cory

[referring to Eric] You know he's gonna drop the rings down the minister's pants.

Shawn

And dive right in after them.

Cory

With both hands. Causing the minister to freak.

Shawn

And cough.

Cory

And cough. And they'll knock over the candles and set the entire church on fire.

Shawn

And here comes the fire department with their hoses and axes, chopping up everything in sight. And Topanga's gonna blame --

Cory

Me! And I don't get nothin' on the honeymoon!

Cory

Do you understand that you owe me?

Topanga

Yes.

Cory

Do you intend to pay me?

Topanga

Yes.

Cory

In the road?

Topanga

Yes, in the road.

Cory

And you'll call me Don Francisco?

Topanga

Yes.

Cory

Yes...who?

Topanga

Yes, Don Francisco.

Cory

Alright, I'll marry you!

Cory

Beans? You picked beans?

Shawn

What's the matter with beans?

Cory

Beans are not a wedding can!

Shawn

Why not?

Cory

Because beans do not say eternal love and happiness!

Eric

I know what they say!

Cory

NO!

Topanga

What? You want me to carry you?

Cory

I'm light as a feather, really.

I don't like the cold.

Cory

Me neither. In fact, I'm cold right now.

Topanga

Cory, it's 92 degrees.

Cory

I'm very cold. Why don't we go in the bedroom and go under the covers like we did before?

Topanga

Cory, we're married now. We can do it every night for the rest of your life.

Get it in writing, kid.

Cory

Hey, little boy, how are you?

I see dead people.

Cory

That's nice.

Cory

We have bugs.

Shawn

Everybody has bugs.

Cory

Our bugs have cars.