Cory Matthews quotes from Boy Meets World

Cory

I don't like cemeteries. I haven't even visited my Nana BooBoo.

Shawn

Nana Boo Boo isn't dead.

Cory

Oh, so what now you're a doctor?!

Cory

You'll never guess.

Shawn

Topanga's pregnant.

Cory

She is? Why'd she tell you and not me? Are you the father of my child?

Shawn

Hey, idiot.

Cory

What?

Shawn

You had news?

Cory

Oh, yeah.

Cory

Well, at least I'm not a hoity-toity, photo assistant, KISS JUDY'S TUSHIE!

Topanga

Maybe, I have to "kiss Judy's tushie", because YOU can't sell one stinking MAGAZINE!

Shawn

Okay...that's it

Angela

Yeah, we should...

Cory

What did you just say?

Topanga

[backpeddling] I just said, you haven't been doing all that well with your magazine sales...

Cory

No. No, NO! That's NOT what you said! You said I'm a LOSER, Topanga! I know you said it, because I heard it! I heard it from YOUR BIG MOUTH!

Topanga

Oh! I have a big mouth now?!

Cory

Yeah!

Topanga

You can't even play Solitaire, IMBECILE! Did ya hear that okay from my big mouth?!

Cory

You know what, Topanga, I used to be able to. I used to do a lot of things, before I married YOU! Congratulations! You killed my spirit![Topanga walks away heartbroken] I win. You leave, I win! BYE!...oh man...

Topanga

I'm here.

Cory

Hi...[closes the door] You're playing Solitaire?

Topanga

Yeah. 'cause I alone. I played 19 games

Cory

Did you win them all? [Topanga shoots him "The look"] Sorry.

Topanga

Yeah.

Cory

Look, could you put the cards away? I need to talk to you.

Topanga

Oh? You have something you want to say to me now?

Cory

I'm-I'm sorry about what happened. I'm, I'm deeply, deeply sorry. Y'know? And I do take back what I said to you.

Topanga

[stands up and walks to the side of the room opposite Cory] Uh-huh?

Cory

Th-that's all I get is "uh-huh?"? Topanga, I just apologized! Now it's your turn...?

Topanga

No! That's not the way it works!

Cory

What, I don't apologize good enough for you, either?!

Topanga

OH, IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS?!

Cory

That's right... I'm a hypochondriac!

Topanga

Cory! It means that there's nothing wrong with you! It means you create stuff in your head!

Cory

Yes, well. [holds up bottle] He gave me these placebos.

Shawn

Placebos are what they give to crazy people like you to make them think they're being cured of something they don't have!

Cory

Hey! I have to be on these for the REST OF MY LIFE!!

Topanga

Do you want a blanket?

Cory

Oh, that would be swell. But not wool. Wool chafes my nippies.

Cory

Pregnant? How can she be pregnant?

Shawn

Okay, Cory, let me explain this to you. When a man loves a woman...

Cory

I know about that, okay? We were very careful.

Shawn

Did you use a...

Cory

Yes!

Shawn

Was she on the...

Cory

Uh-huh!

Shawn

Well, did you try the...

Cory

Everything! I'm not even sure we had sex!

Topanga

We have become your parents.

Cory

Never, ever mention my parents in bed again!

Topanga

Your queen demands a duel. Lord Hunter. [hands Shawn a sword] Sir Complain-a-lot. [hands Cory a sword] The winner shall get my hand.

Cory

[French accent] En guarde, doody-head.

Shawn

[French accent] Prepare to die, scoundrel.

Cory

Oh, I a scoundrel? [Ebonics voice] 's cool.

Topanga

All right, your queen's getting bored. Can we see some bloodshed?

Eric

Y'know something, I take it back, it is about cleaning out the stupid garage. Dad wanted us to do that together, and you chose to leave me out. Those were our memories! Do you have any idea how it felt to go down there and see Shawn and Topanga there instead of me?

Cory

Look, Eric, we're brothers, okay?

Eric

Y'know what, you're right. We're brothers. We're not friends. That means you don't have to like me, and you don't. [exits]

Eric

Your wife was transported to an alternate universe. As far as I can tell, your closet is a vortex that connects your reality with ours.

Cory

Topanga, come out of the closet, Eric's drunk!

Eric

Drunk with knowledge.

Cory

You know what else they got in Europe aside from cafés, Shawn? They got men. Men named... Paolo. Enrique! Milosh! And they sit there prowling around in their dirty Ferraris looking for that fresh American meat.

Shawn

Look, I trust Angela.

Cory

[does a callous French laugh, then speaks in a French accent] I'm eating a croissant! Jump into my Porsche, and we will drive on the wrong side of de road!

Cory

Why does everyone always take Topanga's side?!

Eric

Boobies.

Cory

We're not going to New York! Nothing's gonna change! YAYYYY!!

Shawn

You know she didn't mean a word she just said, right?

Cory

I know. But for now, join me in fooling myself.