Zack Addy quotes from Bones

Goodman

His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior. Yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?

Zack

Looks like tuberculosis.

Goodman

A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.

Hodgins

Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Zack

This is the type of situation where people say, "Oh, my God."

Hodgins

Pretend you're a person and say it.

Zack

Oh, my God.

Brennan

You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?!

Booth

I'm wondering if Rachel ever took part in one of those two-on-one specials?

Hodgins

Hey! The old two-on-one special! Classic!

Zack

What's a classic?

Booth

That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most.

Brennan

You're ordering a hooker to my hotel?!

Zack

Did I hear you say hooker?

Hodgins

Hey, how come I never get to go on these out of town trips?

Booth

You have much looser daily allowances than I do.

Brennan

Well, have fun.

Zack

What's with Goodman and Hodgins?

Angela

[sighs] They're guys, they should just lay 'em out on the table and measure.

Zack

Lay what out on the table and measure?

Angela

Okay, awkward moment. Let's just say they have different approaches and they're guys.

Zack

I'm a guy.

Angela

You're...more highly evolved.

Angela

Do the names Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers mean anything to you?

Zack

One of them, the other I'll look up.

Pickering

What I need to do here is to establish that you are not a threat to the security of this country.

Zack

I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology; I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I will do? Build a race of criminal robots that will destroy the earth?

Pickering

Do you have that kind of fantasy often?

Zack

Very often.

Pickering

Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?

Zack

I've been told. I'm working on it.

Pickering

Can you understand why that concerns us?

Zack

Not really.

Booth

[discussing the evidence with Zack and Hodgins] Asbestos from brake-pads, leaded gasoline, mechanic bench you know ...plus the mother was electrocuted by current from a generator. We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop off the grid. Now, you guys are geniuses! [walks away]

Zack

How do we find that?

Booth

Work for the FBI, you idiot.

Hodgins

Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

Zack

This is the third time in a row we've investigated without Booth. I don't like it.

Brennan

Why? He mostly ignores you.

Zack

Ignoring me is Booth's way of acknowledging my presence. It's a guy thing.

Brennan

Assume the victim was frozen solid when he was fed into the chipper.

Zack

No way!

Booth

[to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."

Brennan

Oh. [to Zack] Yes way.

Brennan

I suggest we try to match this reconstruction with escort ads, both internet and print in the D.C. area.

Zack

Oh, I'll do that!! ...Was that overly enthusiastic?

Angela

What's goin' on? Why's every guy from the Jeffersonian here?

Hodgins

They're scientists. This is a fascinating scientific inquiry.

Angela

Oh my god. They're all out here because your going to feed something through this wood chipper.

Hodgins

Not just something. [pulls sheet off of table] Ta da! Frozen pig!

Angela

uhh...

Zack

The morphology of pig bones is almost identical to human bone.

Hodgins

By feeding the pig through the wood chipper we'll be able to determine a dispersal pattern of the fragments.

Zack

By comparing the pulverized pigs remains to the ones we found at the golf course we'll be able to tell if this is the actual wood chipper the victim was fed through.

Angela

Liars! You just want to see what happens when you toss some frozen pig into a wood chipper.

Angela

Let's talk revenge, bloodlust.

Brennan

The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in the hospital.

Zack

Neutralize can mean either kill or arrest?

Brennan

Yes, it can mean either.

Goodman

If you don't mind some conjecture. [looks around to Brennan]

Brennan

You're the boss.

Goodman

This fellow knew that something of value was being stolen.

Hodgins

[cuts in] Came down with an accomplice. [Brennan looks at him] I apologize. I've been hanging around Booth way too much.

Brennan

It's a valid hypothesis. No doubt one of many.

Zack

They argue, one killed the other for the treasure. Doesn't that mean the vault will be empty when we find it?

Zack

[mutters to himself] Oh my god, they got me too.

Brennan

Tell me that's not a real skeleton.

Zack

No, we made him out of calcium phosphate and hydroxyapatite.

Hodgins

And spam.

If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from New York, which means that I will take New York action. Am I clear?

Brennan

Not at all.

Zack

I'm from Michigan.

Hodgins

Dr Saroyan means she'll make us watch musical theatre.

Zack

The force used to make the injuries on the bones was 24 newton-meters. And the winner is, with 24 newton-meters...Angela.

Angela

What?

Hodgins

Congratulations.

Angela

Really?

Brennan

Height and weight?

Angela

Oh god. U-uh...ugh. Five-eight, one hundred and hun...dre....

Brennan

What?

Angela

135. It's all muscle.