Logan quotes from Big Time Rush

Big Time Rush...all alone. Nobody else! On the tallest building...in the sanseis.

Carlos

I'm afraid of heights.

Logan

I hate tall buildings.

Kendall

Nosebleed!

James

I get nauseous when I stand up! (he stands up, then faints)

Gustavo

NEXT!

They're in a magical underwater city...without girls.

Logan

Can't swim.

Kendall

Me neither.

Carlos

I'm afraid of sharks! (hides)

James

I get nauseous just drinking water! (drinks some out of a cup and faints)

Gustavo

NEXT!

Carlos

We are so dead.

James

Yep.

Kendall

Which is WHY we need to find a crazy, creative Hollywood director who will put Camille, the Jennifers, AND Jo in the video.

Logan

Oh, YEAH, like it's just gonna walk RIGHT through the front door. (BUDAH BOB enters with a plunger)

James

That could work too...

Camille

So..you put on this entire charade to trick all of us and our parents into thinking we had acting jobs?!

Logan

Uh, yeah?

Camille

(she slaps Logan, but then looks at him happier) ...That is so sweet!

Logan

Then why did you just slap me right there?!

Camille

'Cause it seemed like the thing to do.

Camille

Wait...you only have a learner's permit.

Yeah, don't you need an adult in the car?

(thumping on the trunk of the car) LET ME OUT OF HERE!

WE'RE GOOD!

Guys? How much longer do I have to be in here?!

TWO MORE MONTHS!!!!!

Kendall

I'm not good at goodbyes.

Well, then. Here's something to remember me by. (grabs Kendall by the shirt and kisses him on the lips)

Camille

Wow...she's really good at goodbyes.

Kendall

I never thought that...our first kiss would be our last.

Logan

Do I get something to remember you by?

Camille

Of course. (leans in for a kiss, but then slaps him to the floor. Kendall and Jo look at her, and she shrugs)

Kendall

Don't worry. We'll figure this out. Have we ever let you down?

Gustavo

(laughs) Have they ever let me down... (Mrs. Knight and Katie shake their heads, then Kelly does) ...That's not the point. The point is, James...is NOT COMING BACK. Now, I don't care...WHAT you sing. But LOOK LIKE you're enjoying it, or I will destroy... ALL OF YOU!!!!! (brief moment of silence)

Kendall

(singing) Oh you're such a turd, oh yeah, a giant turd...

And you look like a turd, and you smell like a turd! Oh, you're such a turd...

Kelly

Well, they do seem to be enjoying it.

James

And you sme-ee-e-ee-ell... like a tu-ah-uh-urrrrrrd! (the other boys cheer and walk up to him)

Katie

I'm gonna be rich! ...I mean, hurray for friendship!

Hawk

When you mess with the Hawk, you get all ten talons!

Logan

Hawks actually only have, uh, eight talons.

Hawk

I don't care!

Logan

Okay, just telling you.

James

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!!

Carlos

Don't worry, best friends of mine! This looks like a job for... (starts to hop his chair)

Kendall

Carlos, not now!

Carlos

Yes, now! 'Cause it's time!

Kendall

Carlos!

Carlos

I can do this!

Logan

(sees the stairs sign) Carlos, you don't understand.

Carlos

No, YOU don't understand!

Kendall

Carlos, we're trying to help you!

Carlos

I'm trying to help YOU!

James

You're not looking where you're hopping!

Carlos

I can do this! IT'S TIME FOR... (tips himself in his chair down the stairs. The other three watch in disgust as noises are made)

Logan

Well...we tried to tell him. (Carlos comes back with his chair broken and the rope undone)

James

Ha! You really are a superhero!

Carlos

No...i'm a POP STAR. Who wants to rock that concert, get our album released, and get chased by lots of girls.

Kendall

Then UNTIE US! (Carlos runs to the other three)

Logan

What if we have an itch?

Gustavo

DON'T!

Logan

(frightened) Uh, okay.

Gustavo

900 years ago, the pilgrims came to this great land of ours in search of freedom. The freedom...TO ROCK!

Logan

The pilgrims came seeking religious freedom.

Gustavo

THESE ARE DIFFERENT PILGRIMS! And today, we celebrate the bravery of those headbanging pioneers for one month! ROCKTOBER. Now...are you gonna sit there and GIVE UP? Or are you gonna grab a number two pencil, STRAP ON YOUR THINKING CAP, and SAVE Rocktober?!

Logan

(stands up as superhero music plays) I'll need report covers, a glue stick, a protractor, green glitter number three, and 19 high energy sports drinks.

YES!

Carlos

She's gonna kill us!

Logan

Not if we kill her first!

Camille

We mustn't! You're a hair model prince who's spying on my country. And I'm... a robot!

James

If it's so wrong, why were you programmed to love?

Camille

But what about the bomb? [clock ticking and James threw the bomb] Then the explosion throws us into each other's arms. Boom! Then we, uh... [they throw away the script and kiss twice, second time longer]

[scream]

Camille

What was that?

James

It was the script!

Camille

Not that second one!

THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME?! NO, YOU KISSED ME! OHHHHHHHH! YOU-

Logan

Hey, guys.

[scream]

Camille

So are you mad about what James told you?

Logan

We're cool. I mean, I was a little upset at first, but he was honest with me.

Camille

You were only a little upset?

Logan

Hey, if he wants to put his mouth on something worn out and gross, that's his problem.

Camille

Excuse me?!

Logan

Pfft. I was about to dump it anyway.

Camille

Oh? Well, if you were going to dump me anyway, maybe I'm glad James and I kissed!

Logan

You and James kissed?!?

James

Look on the bright side, now you don't need a new toothbrush. (Logan is about to punch him)

Ooooooh, this is getting good.

Camille

You forgive me, but you're breaking up with me?

Logan

Camille, 96% of all first romances end in breakups. You kissing James give us the perfect opportunity for us to get ours, out of the way now.

Camille

And you're not sad about that?

Logan

Yes. But, I'm going to mask my pain by buzz-cutting my hair, joining the gym, and nicknaming myself, "The Island".

Camille

But can we be friends?

Logan

[stands up] Friends it is.

Camille

Maybe we could hug too? I mean friends hug, right?

Logan

It is the friendly thing to do. [they share a hug, they both lean in and kiss] Uh, yep. Friends it is.

So, are they back together?

Katie

Hard to say. Must be one of those on-again, off-again things.