Kendall quotes from Big Time Rush

Okay, I just pushed our flights back four hours.

BThe Boys

(all talking on phones)

And how are we doing on our celebrity search?

Kendall

(hangs up) I just got off the phone with Lady Gaga's people.

Ooh! What did she say?

Kendall

"Who's Big Time Rush?"

What about Jordin Sparks?

Out of town for the holidays. Just like every other celebrity we could sing with.

(grunts angrily)

On the bright side, astronaut Buzz Aldrin is very interested. (Everyone looks at him.) Second man to walk on the moon!

There's got to be some celebrity that's still in town! (slams his fist on the remote and TV changes channels)

(on the TV) So join me, Miranda Cosgrove, from my Have Yourself a Miranda Little Christmas Special live from Los Angeles. (Everyone starts looking at the TV) With duets with your all of your favorite stars like international superstar Fabio, Lightning the T.V. Wonder Dog and-

(pauses the t.v. and the boys go to the TV)

BThe Boys

Big Time Rush!

How?

It'll be another Christmas miracle.

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I think he's choking.

SGSecurity Guard

(falls to the ground)

It's another Christmas miracle!

(Everyone starts running into the studio but stop and turn to the security guard and feel guilty.)

Okay, we might be horrible people.

(Everyone goes back to the security guard.)

Get him up! Get him up!

(James, Carlos and Logan help the security guard up and Kelly does to Heimlich Maneuver. The security guard spits out the food on Gustavo.)

(disgusted) Oh! That was gross!

SGSecurity Guard

Thanks. Who are you guys?

Kendall

We're Big Time Rush and we just want to get home for the holidays.

(Everyone begs the security officer to let them through.)

SGSecurity Guard

Well, merry Christmas. (drops his clipboard and bends down)

EEveryone

(confused)

SGSecurity Guard

I dropped my clipboard and distracted and can't see you!

EEveryone

(gets it and thanks the security guard and runs inside the studio)

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(after the boys are caught by Miranda and her manager)

MManager

You're all going to jail for Christmas!

Kendall

Oh no! Don't call the police! We're allergic to police.

We weren't Fabio-napping, we were just hiding him so we could sing with Miranda...sorry, Fabio.

Look, if we don't record three Christmas songs by today, our grinchy CEO won't let us go home for Christmas!

We're Big Time Rush! We're a band!

(turns to her manager) ...They're really cute.

MManager

They locked Fabio in a costume bin!

Yeah, but...they're really cute.

MManager

My daughter does love their album.

FFabio

And they did give me some tasty snacks and a movie to watch for me. And by the way, I'm a horrible singer.

He's right. He's a horrible singer.

And we can sing.

Kendall

(harmonizing) Sing...

(harmonizing) Sing...

(harmonizing) Sing!

Kendall

So, how are we doing?

Honestly? It could go either way.

(scene cuts to Kelly and Gustavo hiding in front of the studio sound board.)

Okay, the producers should be freaking out looking for a replacement for Fabio.

Which means either a Christmas miracle happened and the dogs are in wardrobe, or they got caught AND WE'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

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(Snoop and the boys records their version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

BTBig Time Rush

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Snoop gave to me:

Kendall

12 ringside tickets...

11 books on physics...

10 juicy corndogs...

9 lucky combs...

Kendall

8 wooly beanies...

7 sweater vests...

6 hockey helmets...

5 municipal bonds with a compound interest rate 3% acruity monthly.

(The song stops as the boys look at Snoop confused.)

What? You gotta make your money worth you.

(The boys understand and the song resumes.)

BTBig Time Rush

4 comfy PJs...

3 canned hams, 2 fractured femurs...

(Gustavo, Kelly, Griffin are listening to the song.)

BTBig Time Rush

And a song for the Christmas EP.

BTBig Time Rush and Snoop Dogg

And a song for the Christmas EP.

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Kendall

(in a squirrel voice) Come on Gustavo! It's Christmas!

(in a squirrel voice You can wear your PJs!

(in a squirrel voice) Do it for Fiji wiji!

(in a squirrel voice) You can do it Gustavo!

(turns off the squirrel voice) And I need to get to my grandma's house.

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(The third song is finished)

GGriffin

Well...Grandma may not like it, but I...love it! (the others cheer. Kelly hands him a disk which he then hands to his executive) Upload this immediately so kids can enjoy a big time Christmas all around the world. And I...will enjoy big time profits.

I had fun, boys, but I GOT to get to my Grandmama's!

BThe boys

And we gotta get to Minnesota!

Well you can all make your flights if you leave RIGHT NOW.

(holds up suitcases) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

RUN!

Kendall

RUN!

RUN!

RUN!

RUN!

AAll

RUN!!

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[at the beginning of the episode]

Dogs. You've come a long way, but you have a longer way to go...before you go multi-platinum, and start selling out 50,000 seat stadiums. [to James] James is still too self centered, and only cares about himself.

James and I still disagree. [looks in a mirror]

QUIET, you two! [goes to Carlos] Carlos still lacks direction.

[turning away from Gustavo] I do not!

Turn around.

[spins around and still not facing Gustavo]

[goes to Logan] Logan still lacks swagger.

Yes but if you ever need a color pencil, who are you gonna call? [gives Gustavo a color pencil]

[breaks the color pencil]

[screams]

[goes to Kendall] And Kendall needs to stop talking back to me after everything I say.

Kendall

And Gustavo needs to tak-

Don't say it! Not one...more...word.

Kendall

[turns to Logan, Carlos and James who are shaking their heads]

Good.

Kendall

Chill pill.

[his face turns tense and becomes angry]

[puts on earphones]

[steam comes out of his ears]

JCJames and Carlos

Steam.

That's a new one.

Kendall

Run.

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In the studio: [Kendall and Kelly are staring with their mouths open in shock while listening to Gustavo's song.]

[singing with Buddha Bob] There's a rainbow made of love, floating in the new day sky, candy castle up above, this must be New Town High!

Kendall

[looks at Kelly, shakes his head in disbelief and slaps himself]

[presses a button, fake smiling and gives a thumbs up to Gustavo] The producer is coming over tomorrow and he's going to HATE THIS SONG!

Kendall

[fakes smiling and gives Gustavo a thumbs up also] I know.

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[puts on the sunglasses]

Feeling woozy. [falls on the floor]

[takes off the glasses] Okay! No shades.

[stands back up]

CKCarols and Kendall

[raises Logan's arm the one holding the glasses so he can put it on smirking]

[falls on the floor] STOP THAT!

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Kendall

Could you stop that please?

[turns to him] What, breathing?

Kendall

Just for a few minutes..

[takes a deep breath in and holds it for a few seconds] Say anything you want, I turn the music up, 'cause baby we ain't going oh oh oh oh!

Kendall

THAT'S IT!!!! [Excited]

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Kendall

And thank you Katie for saving my butt.

Katie

Literally.

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KKat

You're not gonna stop being stupid, are you?

Kendall

(takes a folder) You've seen the research, haven't you?

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OH they're sassy, we're not good with sassy.

Kendall

OH! WE ARE VERY GOOD WITH SASSY!!

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JJett

You know when you think about it the whole thing was my idea. So why shoul I talk to the governor ans stand behind me from the photo laws. (A kid kicks Kendall's seat while playing video game) You, know, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Kendall

Help!

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Kendall

Hey, Mrs. Diamond. Me, Carlos and Hortense are here to see James.

BBrooke

I don't like the name Hortense. Call him Logan from now on.

She was right about my name.