Batman quotes from Batman

Robin

Holy Metronome! What a fate--punched into player-piano rolls!

Batman

True, Robin, scarcely an end I'd rather anticipate! Life--a cupful of surprises to the last drop!

Robin

Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!

Batman

All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that's why they're virtues.

Batman

We have tickets for tonight's finals in the Gotham City Miss Galaxy contest. I know Robin is a little young for this sort of thing, but...

Robin

I'm not gonna be young all my life, Batman, and besides beauty contests are practically an American institution.

Batman

You see, gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable.

Your daily workout, Batman?

Batman

Yes, crimefighters have to stay in shape, but you know that.

Well, my job's a little easier. Sometimes, a fast gun has the edge on a fast batrope. I'm not invading your territory, I'm just tracking down a clue incognito.

Batman

Welcome, and good luck. If you need help, you can always locate us through Commissioner Gordon's office.

Robin

The Batphone number's is unlisted.

Smart thinking. Don't slip.

Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?

Batman

It, um, slipped my mind?

Slipped your mind indeed. I am not in the habit of marrying bigamists.

[after scanning the marriage certificate] Why you two-timing Bat-fink!

Shame

I'll bet you are probably wondering what all this is for.

Batman

That thought did cross my mind.

Shame

Pretty soon I'm gonna shoot this trusty six-shooter of mine. and when I do, a herd of cattle is gonna come stomping this way. in a mighty big hurry.

Robin

Holy stampede!

Shame

Now, those cows don't stop coming for no man. Not even you, Bat Fella. And when they get through stomping. There ain't gonna be enough of you left to put in a thimble.

Batman

Shame on you, Shame!

Shame

Watch your tongue. Hasta la vista, partners. I'll tell everybody you died with your Bat Boots on. [laughs maniacally]

Robin

I always thought they [bulls] went for red capes, Batman.

Batman

Merely an affectation, Robin. Something to make the corrida seem more colorful. Actually, bulls are color-blind. They react to movement, not to color.

Robin

Holy toreador!

Batman

The word is "matador", Robin. "Toreador" is a word of convenience used by Bizet in his classic opera Carmen.

Robin

Holy matador, then!

Batman

Very apt.

Robin

But he knows that we know about his hideout there!

Batman

Correct! However, knowing that, he'd think that we'd think he would not return there, therefore he did and so will we!

Robin

Holy Bat Logic.

Robin

It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme.

Batman

Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's "terrific chow" is hardly within the budget of the average worker.

Robin

Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children.

Batman

Good thinking, Robin.

Robin

I guess you can never trust a woman.

Batman

You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into.

Robin

Wow! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!

Batman

What?!!

Robin

I said, WOW! I THINK I'LL BE HARD OF HEARING FOR A WHILE!

Batman

You'll have to speak louder, Robin! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!

Catwoman

Shall I steal your voice or end your life?

Batman

Whichever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the wrong choice.

[to Batman and Robin, who are in Puzzler's hot-air balloon trap] Hey, you guys want some gum?

Really, Ramjet!

That's what they give you in the airlines before you take off.

Batman

No, thank you.

Robin

Litter bug.

Now, for the launching, give me the dagger. This is the unkindest cut of all. Farewell, Dynamic Duo. Bon voyage, happy landings. Adieu, adieu, remember me.

Ho Ho Ho!!!

Robin

Say hi to those 8 tiny reindeer for us.

I will!!

Merry Christmas Santa.

Merry Christmas everybody Ho Ho Ho!!!!

Batman

If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust?

Robin

That was a quick trip!

Batman

Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara didn't have much to offer.

Robin

1) A Policewoman's vanished. 2) Catwoman and Sandman are apparently in cahoots. 3) A girl was abducted from a store window. 4) She turned up on television, and 5) She disappeared. You're right, Batman. It's nothing.

Batman

Of course. As Commissioner Gordon says, it all could be building up to something. Let's try putting ourselves in Sandman's shoes. What would he be after?

Robin

Money! Isn't that what we've always heard?

Batman

Exactly, old chum. And into whose eyes would he sprinkle his sand to get that money?

Robin

Someone very rich.

Batman

And very likely, someone who has trouble sleeping. Oh — why the pointed plug on television for "Dr. Somnambula"?

Robin

Holy alter ego! You think Sandman and Dr. Somnambula are one and the same?

Batman

I do, Robin! And I also think that ersatz "Sleeping Beauty" is... Catwoman. And it's all some murky masquerade to hoodwink our hapless, sleepless money bags. Now, can you name some famous insomniacs?

Robin

Well, there was Olaf the Sad, of Norway.

Batman

He's been dead for 800 years.

Robin

And that famous Chinese historian, Fo Hap Chung!

Batman

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Born with no eyelids.

Robin

How about the French empress, whose head stayed awake even after she'd been guillotined?

Batman

Poor creature. No! No, it must be someone here in Gotham City, right now. Let's give the Batcomputer a crack at it.

Robin

Batman, LOOK! What skinny macaroni!

Batman

No... It's spaghetti, Robin. A variety of alimentary paste; larger than vermicelli, but not as tubular as mac— [Bell dings] That's it. Spaghetti! J. PAULINE SPAGHETTI! One of the richest women in the world, who made a fortune in noodles — and who searched the world over for a solution to her sleeping problems.

Robin

Is that the J. Pauline Spaghetti who owns the J. Pauline Spaghetti Hotel?

Batman

One and the same. And she's right here, at that hotel, in Gotham City, now! There isn't a second to waste, Robin! [they race back to the Batmobile.]