Back at the Barnyard · Season 1
AAH! Hockey Mask used his demon powers to summon Abby's face onto his face! AAH!
No, it's really me! I just pranked you. We all did!
[The others show up.]
Hey, Otis.
How you doin', big guy?
Ha-ha, did we scare ya?
AAAH! Hockey Mask Bob used dark sorcery to reanimate the bodies of my friends in a horrible fashion! [screams]
One hour later...
AAAH! Hockey Mask Bob is pretending to be the announcer and making horrifying statements about the passage of time! [screams]
[Discussing the Z-Box.]
Otis, that thing costs, like, ten thousand tickets.
Yeah, we'll never get that many.
Ten thousand?
Guys, did Napoleon quit when he needed ten thousand tickets to conquer France? Did that other guy quit when he needed ten thousand tickets to do that ten thousand ticket thing? No! I'm not saying it'll be easy. I'm not saying--
[The others have left, and it's revealed Otis was giving his speech to a small kid, who starts crying.]
[during laser tag] Ha! You showed mercy! You're weak! That Z-Box is mine! Say goodbye, stupid enlarged kid!
Wait a minute. Kid, family, nougat, suspension bridges... Pig's pocket mirror!
[Otis deflects Snotty Boy's laser blast with the mirror, blasting him out of the room. Soon, Snotty Boy is confronted by Donk E. Cheese.]
When you wake up in the emergency room, tell 'em Donk E. Cheese sent ya. [gives Snotty Boy a wedgie]
[screams]
[After the British orphan Otis gave the Z-Box to is revealed to be a conman.]
Well, Otis, you did the wrong thing.
I sure did, Abby. I sure did.
Yeah, it was actually pretty stupid.
Yeah, I mean, you just gave it to him.
[annoyed] I know what I did!
[Meeting Psycho the rodeo bull.]
It's that crazy bull!
He eats cowboys for breakfast!
And accountants for a light snack at 4:00!
Otis, what happened to your leg?
Psycho asked me to help him move his couch, and then busted my leg, and said mean things, and the farmer decided to ride him to win the love of Bronco Betsy, and now he's doomed!
I get his raisins! I mean, after we get over the initial shock of this.
[as a mall Santa] Ho, ho, ho! Merry Chr--[Snotty Boy jumps in his lap] Oof!
[yanks Hilly's fake beard and snaps it back] Shut your holiday hole, beardy!
Say, you're a hefty little guy, ain't cha?
Now, listen good! Every year, I ask you and your sorry giant behind for the same thing: a Red Ryder BB Taser with double-pump battery action for extra painfulness! But you never bring it to me!
Why, I think I'm losing feeling in my legs.
If I don't get a BB Taser this year, you'll be VERY, VERY, SORRY!
I'm already sorry. Sheesh, is it Easter yet?
Yo, Otis. Offer him cinnamon.
Oh, ja, Santa is the silly for the cinnamon!
Ah, it's okay, Santa. We'll just drink all this delicious cinnamon eggnog ourselves, having a cinnamony good time. Nice meetin' ya, though. Cinnamon.
[beat] Did they tell you to mention cinnamon?
Yes.
Well, it worked! Let me at that bad boy!
So the elf says, "That's no pixie! That's my wife!"
[Everyone laughs.]
Santa, you are hi-larious. [laughs]
Hey, Santa, do you know the Easter bunny?
Know him? That carrot jockey owes me 50 bucks!
Tell us another story, Santa.
Yeah, tell us a story!
Yeah, come on, Santa.
Tell us a huge one!
Another story? What is this, Santa's book club? Hey, next time I'll tell you about when me and Rudolph went on spring break. No hiding from the cops with that nose.
Elves like to ice skate, but I'd rather scuba! When this gig is over, I'm off to Aruba!
[Santa has contracted Ferret Fever after Otis accidentally gave him Freddy's cup.]
Ach du Lieber! You broke Santa!
Now he can't finish delivering the presents, and we still got this county to go!
Okay, okay, calm down. We can work this out. Uh, maybe Santa can make it up to the county with some nice Presidents' Day gifts, huh?
Don't you know anything about Christmas?
Ja! If Santa's not finishing his rounds by midnight, the law of Christmas magic'll be kerfuftenzeiger! That means "broken"!
And if the law of Christmas is kerfuftenzeiger--
Broken.
Santa gonna lose his holiday powers permanently!
Und zat means no more Christmas, forever!
What?! You mean, I--
YOU KILLED CHRISTMAS!
Nice going, sugar plum moron.
Ha-ha! That stupid old Santa Claus better bring me what I want this year, or he'll get a stocking full of pain, and a gift certificate for suffering! Tah! I'm witty.
And now, back to the show.
Hey, that's my line! Do I go down to where you work, and do whatever it is you do?
[Snotty Boy has captured Otis, disguised as Santa.]
So, fat man, we meet again. [in the same style as his signature laugh] Ho-ho-ho! I usually say "ha", but I changed it to "ho", 'cause it's Christmas, and I'm clever!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
