The photographs didn't do this place justice! It's even bigger than I imagined.
HHallwood
Yeah... you know, Ally, I've always thought that Victorian architecture was a gesture of their confidence rather than their taste.
Ah, well. Anyway, Malcolm, a hundred years ago or so there'd be one family living in this place. Coal owner, probably. Picture it - there's a thousand wretches slaving away underground for a hundred hours a week for a bowl of dripping, and he's up here supping claret and playing billiards after dinner. [Chuckles] Those were the days, eh, son?
HHallwood
As a point of fact, I think most of the industry 'round here was steel.
Well, times change. Most of Kenny Ames's money came from pornography.
HHallwood
Did he ever actually live in the house?
Ahh, I think he spent a few weekends here, before the Fraud Squad caused his hasty departure to Málaga.
HHallwood
The Fraud Squad's my main concern, Ally. Any transaction involving his property is gonna show straight up on their computers.
So? They can't freeze his assets. Thanks to our great British judicial system, a man is innocent until proven guilty. And Kenny Ames will be innocent until the day he dies, provided he dies in Spain.
HHallwood
It draws attention to you. I mean they're not gonna fail to notice that the sale price is way below market value. That's fraud, Ally! You're avoiding Capital Gains Tax, to say nothing of Stamp Duty.
Look, my survey report will show that this building is ridden with dry rot, rising damp, woodworm and horribly, possibly, even deathwatch beetle! He's very lucky I'm taking it out of his hands!
HHallwood
You haven't had a survey! [Fraser goes to a back door with a crumbling arch] I haven't even had time to conduct the normal searches.
Well, my survey report will show exactly what I want it to show, my friend. [Picks from the crumbling arch] I guarantee that.
How're you doing, Dennis? What was the law after?
Ah, just checkin' up, like, yer kna.
Aye. D'you know Malcolm Hallwood?
No. Hello there. [They shake hands]
[To Hallwood as he hands Dennis the architect's plans] Dennis will be in charge of the operations. [Fraser, Hallwood and Big Baz get out of the car]
HHallwood
It looks like you've got your work cut out, Dennis.
I've got the right lads for it, like, yer kna. [Wayne, Bomber, Oz and Neville look accusingly at Fraser]
They look more like a bunch of mercenaries!
Well, tell [Big] Baz to look for Dennis's mother's house, you check out his friends, his neighbours...
[Exits the bathroom] Can I take the car, Ally?
[To Vicky] Just take whatever you like, just get lost, will ya! [Upset, Vicky takes the car keys and exits the hotel suite as Dennis enters, unknown to Fraser]
HHallwood
Ally... Ally, Dennis is a family man. He has kids here. He's not gonna do a runner with your money. Don't panic!
Don't tell me not to panic, pal! If Dennis is picked up at an airport then it's my nuts that are in the wringer! [Slams the phone down]
Where in Jesus' name have you been?
Got the first flight out this morning.
Oh, ya did, did ya? What, you had a night out on the town? I've been down at the airport for two hours while you were out doing the strip clubs of Soho!
No, no, no, I was detained by two gentlemen of the Customs.
...You were? Did they give you a good going over, Dennis?
Oh aye, they certainly did, yeah.
Well, er, eventually they said "We're very sorry that you been incovenienced, Mr. Patterson".
[Chuckles] Oh, Dennis... [Pats Dennis on the chest before closing the door to the suite] "Very sorry you've been inconvenienced, Mr. Patterson", that's terrific. [Takes the suitcase and puts it on the coffee table. He opens it... and finds nothing but clothes inside.] Don't fart me around, Dennis!
Don't fart you around?! You set me up to bring a bag of undeclared illegal currency out of the country! You put my chopper on the block, pal!
Well if they had, I wouldn't be here, would I?
Oh, I see. So you opened this case before you left home?
It's a good job I did, isnit! You must think I'm a right wanker. Look, I knew I wasn't sent back to Newcastle to bring you back some documents! Somethin' heavy's comin' down on you, pal. It couldn't happen to a nicer fella(!)
That slag Vicky's been shouting her mouth off...
Just leave Vicky out of this, you brought this on yourself, man!
Where is my money, Dennis?
Oh, it's safe, less a few quid I've taken out to bump meself up to club class.
Oh... Dennis, Dennis... The reason I didn't level with you is because I reckon that what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over. I didn't want you going through Customs with the old ticker pounding and the old blood pressure shooting up through the roof.
Oh it's nice to know you had my best interests at heart(!)
Dennis, the reason I sent you is a reflection of my trust. [Pours two Scotches] We've worked together for a long time, you and me, eh? A Scotch do ya?
Look, I'm about to jack all this in, right? And that 25 grand, that's like my warranty.
Are you laying down terms, Dennis?
I am, actually, yeah. First off, you hold the deeds to my wife's house. I'd be obliged if Hallwood sent them back to me bank, right? Secondly, as you're about to become an exile out here, I'm a bit concerned about the lads. I mean, your assets might get tied up for a bit. So that money is guaranteed their full whack, generous bonuses and their air fares back home.
No... Oh yeah, If I see Vicky with so much as a broken fingernail... you'll never see the balance.
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet · 320 quotes
