KKemal
Guten Abend, mein Herren.
KKemal
Ah, you English. The English are always welcome here. I will get someone to take good care of you. [Claps his hands] Won't be long. [Out comes the masseuse. It's Uli, but Bomber doesn't know.]
[As he goes into the back] Have we met before, my dear?
I do not think so. My name is Uli. [The penny drops with Bomber.]
He does look relaxed, eh? Done your neck the power of good, has it, sunshine?
[To the barman] Can I have one here, chief? [Asks the others] Is Oz around?
Nah. He's, er... over the hut, helpin' with the decorating.
Lyin' on his bed, criticising!
He's very good at interior decor, our Oz(!) [He, Dennis and Neville laugh]
[Noticing Bomber is a little bit quiet] What's the matter, Bomb?
It's a bit awkward, and I think this should go no further.
I thought you'd went to a massage parlour, eh?
Head girl, by the looks of it.
I don't believe it. I met her through that Heidi, you know?
What, is she in that game as well?
Nah, nah, nah. She works on the cosmetic counter at Millers, she does. Well, at least I hope she does. Certainly smells like it!
Look, are you sure it was her, Bomber?
Her name was Uli, and I recognised her from the photograph.
So... she's not a beauty consultant?
Well, what do you think she does 'round there, son, eh? Facials?
It gets worse. According to my mate Dieter, who took me there, her boyfriend's the bloke that owns the place. Nasty piece of work, he looks.
That makes two of 'em, doesn't it?
Well, I call it poetic jutsice meself.
[Noticing everyone looking at him] I suppose I'll have to, eh?
Oz might be very upset, yer kna. Emotionally, like.
That's a sobering thought, ain't it, eh?
[On the phone] Wir erwarten Sie um drei Uhr? Bis dann. (Will three o'clock suit you? See you then.) [She puts the phone down, then notices Oz glaring at her]
How did you find me here?
Never mind, love. Get yer coat on, I wanna talk to you.
Later?! I think the sooner the better, d'you not?
KKemal
[Entering the reception] Guten Abend.
KKemal
Ah, you English! English are always welcome here.
The gentleman is not staying.
Apparently not. But listen, Uli, we've got to have a talk, an' there's things to be said, isn't there? Look, I'll be in the Tivoli tomorrow night, eh? [He leaves.]
KKemal
[Admonishes Uli in Turkish]
Das ist nicht. (It was nothing.)
KKemal
Nicht? Nicht?! (Nothing? Nothing?!) [He continues to shout at her in Turkish and hits her across the face.]
Uli? [Kemal gets out of the car] Oh, it's you.
KKemal
You English bastard! [Pulls a switchblade on Oz.]
Ha ha ha(!) What are you bloody laughin' at?
He had a great big bloody knife, man. He was gonna try an' kill us!
It was them saved your life, then.
What are ye talkin' aboot, man? He's one of them.
Well, whatever he said, he's made them change their mind. I reckon you owe them a bit of an apology, the way you've been runnin' 'em down.
[Standing over the spilled paint] Oh, someone give us a cloth, will you?
Fair dos, Oz. I reckon you ought to go 'round there in the morning and say thanks.
Oh, aye? Take 'em a bouquet of flowers, like, an' a little note? Listen, mate, one of them Abduls tries to stick a knife in me guts, right? Another one stops 'em. That makes it even-steven as far as I'm concerned, right? [Heads his locker where the paint has spilled]
Don't step in it! You're makin' it worse! [Oz slips and falls onto his bed, right onto an erotic painting Barry bought, ripping the canvas]
[Handing Uli a drink] You look like you could do with that.
Cheers. [They raise their glasses. Oz sees the extent of the bruises] He do that to you, did he?
I'm not surprised. Bloody maniac. He come after me with a knife, yer know.
Did he tell you about that the...
Aye. [Uli chuckles and nods] Yeah. Well, I suppose he were only trying to help, yer know. What a bloody cheek, though!
Well, I didn't tell him that I know better. Look, I'm sorry I lied to you. I want to explain. You were my only chance to get out, to go to England where he couldn't hurt me.
You must've been pretty desperate to pick a bloke like me.
Oh, no, that had nothing to do with it.
'Cos, er... it wasn't true, yer kna.
Nah. Well, you weren't the only one that sort of made things out to be er, yer kna, a little bit different to what they were. Listen, I'm not any tycoon's son. My dad hasn't even got a business.
Nah. My old man was a layabout and a drunk. He buggered off when I was a bairn. Last thing I saw of him was, er, huntin' around the house for a pair of socks, prior to pissing off to the Persian Gulf on an oil tanker. See... I spun that whole yarn just to try and impress you, yer kna. Kept it all going... just to keep you.
[Shocked] ...Well, I feel better that you also didn't tell the truth.
Well... you might as well know the lot. I'm married as well.
Officially. Only in England, mind. Yer kna... But I mean, you've got somebody as well, havvn't yer? I mean, you've got this Kemal bloke.
Look, Uli, I mean, the main thing is, you've got to give this bloke the elbow, haven't yer? You've gotta give him the heave-ho, the push, the shove... Leave the bugger! Yer know? I mean, try... Pack a bag and try a new town.
[Shaking her head] It's difficult.
I know, I know, but I thought maybes, yer kna, when this has all blown over I thought maybe we could pick it up where we left off.
Maybe, huh? But, you know, Kemal is a bad man, and I don't want any more trouble for you.
He'll not cause me any more trouble. He'll not cause you any more trouble either. He's only one man, yer kna.
Yes, but he has two brothers, and they're all bad people.
Yes, but I've got six mates, an' if we count the whole building site, that's nearly 100. I don't think the Kemal brothers'll wanna mess with that lot!
Being in the business, you know, it's easy for us to see how flimsy this construction is. [Pulls the blinds off the window] In't that right, lads?
Oh, aye, yeah. Definitely Jerry-built.
I could sneeze, it would fall down.
What i'm sayin' is, y'see, we're just as good at demolition as we are at construction.
KKemal
[Takes his cigar out of his mouth] You are threatening me?
Listen. You lay one more finger on that girl, right... [Points to Bomber] ...and he'll hit you so hard your family'll feel it back in Istanbul!
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet · 320 quotes
